The Realm Of Bizarre News 33: They Do Exist!
Do you believe that the universe is teeming with life? Well, even if you’re skeptical, Dr. Ruehl has some pretty convincing accounts for us. And he gives us some pretty unconventional advice on dealing with mice, along with an even more unconventional story about someone who went about ridding the house of the creatures the wrong way. Afterwards we make a couple of quick stops at The Little Black Medical Bag and The Vault of Strange Deaths.
-
Step 1:
-
The Realm of Bizarre News
-
Welcome, once again, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the Realm of Bizarre News. I'm your host, Dr. Franklin Reuhl, and we start off with three new announcements from NASA members regarding E.T.'s.
-
Step 2:
-
Extra-terrestrials
-
The first from Mark Kelly, Commander of the Space Shuttle Discovery, who argues that the Universe is teeming with life, but is skeptical of E.T.'s visiting Earth because of the interstellar distances involved. The second comes from astronaut Edgar Mitchell, who landed on the moon, and for years has asserted that E.T.'s exist. He asserts that they are little greys, and benign. And the third pronouncement comes from Craig McCullen, who is actually a ground based spacecraft operative, who saw on his screen an E.T. that was eight to nine feet tall in the payload bay of a Space Shuttle while two tethered astronauts were conducting an extra-vehicular activity, or EVA. He even spotted the alien spacecraft. Now, he has no video to prove this, and many are skeptical of his claim, but I point out that if you were to teleport a 1908 New Yorker to 2008 New York, he would definitely sense a severe case of future shock, because once you enter the Atomic Era, the Nuclear Era, the Computer Era, progress shoots up exponentially, so that a difference of a hundred years could mean a ten, twenty or thirtyfold increase in technological advancement.
-
Step 3:
-
The Universe is Teeming with Life
-
We're talking about E.T.'s not just a hundred years older than we are, but approximately a thousand, ten-thousand, even a million years older than we are on Earth. For them, anything in terms of interplanetary, interstellar, yes, even intergalactic space travel might be feasible. So the idea of an alien being aboard one of our Space Shuttles is within the realm of feasibility. I assert again, the Universe is indeed teeming with life.
-
Step 4:
-
Trivia Question of the Day
-
Now, for something a little more mundane, our candidate for the Dufus of the Week Award. But first, the trivia question of the day. Let me extricate her from her paper prison. The question: What is the term for the fear of mice? Multiple choice, inverse alphabetical order. Is it vulpophobia, musophobia, lupophobia, or bufonophobia? The prize, the only prize, for a correct answer: one pat on the back which you will have to administer to yourself. Heck of a lot better than a slap on the belly with a wet carp.
-
Step 5:
-
Mice
-
Now, speaking of mice, a girl up in Potter Valley, Northern California saw mice running around her trailer so she got her Magnum .44 and was going to shoot them, but she dropped the gun. A bullet discharged, hitting her in the knee and it bounced off and hit her friend standing beside her in the leg. Both hospitalized, the mice still scampering about. Please don't become a candidate for our Dufus of the Week Award. Don't shoot the mice, hit them with a fly-swatter. By the way, mice don't care for cheese. They're grain-eaters.
-
Step 6:
-
Trivia Answers
-
Now for the trivia question again. What is the fear of mice? We have vulpophobia, musophobia, lupophobia, or bufonophobia. If you say musophobia, absolutlely right. Too darn easy. For the record, vulpophobia, fear of foxes; lupophobia, fear of wolves; and bufonophobia, fear of toads.
-
Step 7:
-
The Wise Men
-
Let's see what's in my little black medical bag. Hmm! A little heavy. It's the Bible, what's that doing here? Oh, I know! This pertains to frankencense. As you know, the wise men offered that along with myrrh and gold to the baby Jesus. A new study from the University of California at Davis on 70 patients shows that frankencense, which is a tree resin, actually cures osteoarthritis in just seven days without any adverse side-effects. So, a biblical cure helping individuals with osteoarthritis. Millions suffer from it. A great development. By the way, the idea of three wise men is a myth. Check it out. In Matthew Chapter Two, the number of wise men, or Magi, was never specified. Even though they gave three gifts, no number was specified. It could have been three or three-hundred.
-
Step 8:
-
The Vault of Strange Deaths
-
Now let's open up the Vault of Strange Deaths again. It says, The Angry Sinker, not Stinker, but Sinker. This pertains to a young man, 21, fishing off of Jones Beach, off of Long Island. He pulled in his fishing line, and the three-ounce lead sinker hit him in the head, but that wasn't the end of the story. It went right through his skull, passed though his brain and killed him. So if we have any anglers out there, please, please be extremely careful when pulling in your line. We can't afford to lose even a single one of you. Thank you.
Now, until next time, may the power of the Cosmos be with you!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
And be careful with those finshing lines. Thank you!