The Realm Of Bizarre News 14: The Shroud Of Turin Mistake
In this installment of the Realm of Bizarre News, Dr. Ruehl is wearing a safari hat, telling us about possible alien spaceships, and the famous TP tubes make another appearance! Too much excitement for one episode. In addition, there’s news of The Shroud of Turin and DIY demon exorcising! How can he squeeze so much into so little time?
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Step 1:
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Bizarre News! Question time!
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Welcome once again ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to The Realm of Bizarre News. I'm your host, Doctor Franklin Rule. We start off with a trivia question; let me extricate it here from it's paper prison. The question: After Rome, what is Italy's largest city in population (multiple choice, inverse alphabetical order)? Is that Venice, Naples, Milan, or Genoa? Now the prize, the only prize, the one pat on the back that you'll have to administer to yourself - heck of a lot better than a slap on the belly with a wet trout.
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Pink Towel?
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Now, here is the celebrated Shroud of Turin, discovered in 1354 by a biblical archaeologist who thought it might have the impression of Jesus' face from his burial shroud. Another theory is that is has the image of Jacques de Molay, the last Grand Master of the Knights Templar, who was executed in 1314 by Philip IV of France. Of course, others suggest that it might be a fraud. Now surprisingly, the shroud is laundered every third Sunday of every month and has been done so for hundreds of years - it's been laundered over a thousand times. Now recently, the Swiss Guard brought it from its cathedral compartment in Turin, where it's in a hermetically sealed bulletproof case, took it down to the Vatican City where it was to be laundered by none other than Pope Benedict XVI. But, in the blessed washing machine was also placed the red t-shirt of a cardinal and when the shroud came out, it was tinted pink! It's now pink, and they don't dare bleach it for fear of damaging the image, yes, The Shroud of Turin now pink! Beyond belief.
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Bizarre News! Answer Time!
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Now, what is the second largest city in Italy? Venice, Naples, Milan, or Genoa? Is your final answer Naples? No, it's Milan; Naples comes in a close second.
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Martians?
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Now here is a mystery concerning the planet Mercury. NASA's messenger spacecraft recently sent back this image that shows in the southern hemisphere, lower-left corner here of this image, a humongous crater that appears to be glowing. Now, they know it's not snow or ice because the surrounding temperature is 700 degrees Fahrenheit, and would melt it. One controversial theory is that this could be a crashed alien UFO, or perhaps an extraterrestrial bib lac made of metal that's glistening on the surface of Mercury. Now, again, astronomers are baffled by this, so it counts as a true mystery from beyond the other dominion with possible extraterrestrial implications for your consideration.
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Play safe.
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Yes! Now let's open the ball of strings chest, see what we have here. Don't try this at home. This pertains to a woman in Archangel, Russia, whose very close friend asked her to exercise her of demons, so she had her friend lie on the kitchen floor and proceeded to stomp on her chest. Yes, I said stomp on her chest. The demons are apparently gone because the woman died - her close friend is now under arrest for murder. Please, please don't try do-it-yourself exorcism at home. Hire a professional, thank you!
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Clean your toilet!
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Here's a T.P. tube. In Japan, fortune tellers are recommending that people clean their toilets every single day for good luck. Yes! And people, some of them are doing it two or three times a day. You know what I say? Yes to clean toilets! Yes to clean toilets! Yes to clean toilets! And this concludes this edition of The Realm of Bizarre News. Now, may the power of the cosmos be with you until next time. Yes! Yes! Yes! And yes to clean toilets!
