Ways For Men To Have Multiple Orgasms (Pt. 2)
This video is the second in a two-part series on men and orgasm. Dr. Joy explores more ways for men to have multiple orgasms. For more information on love and health, or to read a full transcript of this video, visit http://www.loveandhealth.info
Step 1: Meet Joy Davidson:
Welcome to "The Joy Spot", I'm Dr. Joy Davidson, I'm a health and science advisory board member, a psychologist and an ASSECT certified sex therapist. My website is joydavidson.com. In another video I talked about how men can learn to delay ejaculation and develop readiness for multiple orgasms. The techniques for learning how to do this are based on the central idea that male orgasm and ejaculation are two different body processes despite the fact that most people think they're the same thing. A man can learn to separate the two through techniques of breathing well and developing strong PC muscles by using what are known as keigel exercises. These are the core of the training, however there are a few helper techniques that you can use as you're building PC strength.
Step 2: Slow down ejaculatory responses:
Another way to slow down your ejaculatory response is to simply stop stimulation before you get too close to coming. Just as you do during masturbation exercises, you can do this with a partner. Learning to slow down and then stop stimulation until you can gain control is just as important as doing the exercises. Now here's a tip I learned from a man who taught himself how to have multiple orgasms. His advice is that while masturbating, when you're practicing backing off don't be afraid to use your hand to supplement your PC muscle squeezes. If you feel as though you're going to ejaculate despite your efforts, grab the base of your penis with your fingers and squeeze down hard. Another affective place to press with your fingers is the perineum area, the area between your testicles and your anus. With your PC muscles squeeze and your hand grip or perineum press you can keep very little ejaculate from releasing. What you may need to do with your hand at first will become easier to do with just PC muscles, as they get stronger. Once you're familiar with these methods all of them can be applied during sexual activity with a partner. But masturbation is your training ground; it's your pelvic gym.
Step 3: Learn the techniques:
As strength and control of your PC muscles increase you'll be able to stop stimulation less frequently and for mere seconds and get closer and closer to the ejaculation moment where you can stifle the impulse to ejaculate all together using the muscles and, if needed, your hand to suppress any ejaculation. Using these techniques most men can learn to back off from ejaculation and prolong the periods of sexual activity, even for hours.
Step 4: Dry orgasms:
Once a man has complete control of his ejaculation and can back off as he pleases he can learn to have dry orgasms, orgasms without ejaculation. This phenomenon is very poorly understood in scientific circles. Most of the available information on dry orgasms is in literature influenced by Taoism, tantric sex methods and other ancient traditions. Actually there are a few different approaches to this and one method is described in what is probably the most authoritative written reference on the subject, a book called "The Multi-Orgasmic Man", by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams. This book is based on principals of Tao sexuality, an ancient tradition developed by Chinese physicians around 500 BC. Mantak Chia studied with modern Taoist masters; distilling his education along with the latest incurred sexological research into a system he calls "healing love". Healing love pivots on the idea that sexuality itself is healing. It’s a healing life giving force and both men and women are capable of having multiple, whole body orgasms. Healing love implies that they can learn to harmonize their different sexual energies and rhythms to create profoundly intimate sexual and spiritual connections. Much of the Taoist as well as the tantric approach to male multiple orgasms has a spiritual component or at least a consciousness of how the body conducts energy and how sexual energy can quite literally be focused and moved. I would encourage anyone interested in this topic to explore further by reading the books by Chia and by looking for my own video on spiritual sexuality.
Step 5: Learn to back off:
What I want to turn to now are some practical tips on how to experience dry orgasms. As I already emphasized, the larger part of this challenge is to be able to back off from ejaculating. But once that's under control how do you achieve these dry orgasms? Well, as a woman I obviously can't apply my own experience to these methods. However, as a sexologist who has had the opportunity to research and discuss these matters in great detail with men who are highly adept and as a woman who is fortunate enough to have other avenues for judicious research I can offer practical techniques accumulated from this wealth of sources.
Step 6: Balancing the body:
Dry orgasms are a function of what is sometimes called or spoken of as balancing the body when orgasm becomes imminent. OK, what exactly does that mean? Well once the ability to avoid ejaculation is perfected the idea here is to balance orgasms psychologically and through your breathing skills, skills you've developed through the masturbation practice I taught you in another video. When you do this you balance yourself in such a way that even the smallest orgasmic event is focused on and built upon so that it can be expanded or spread throughout the body. Understand that this requires a mental, and for some, a visual imagery oriented focus and it takes lots of practice. Being truly in your body and acutely aware of all sensations was part of your masturbation training, now your challenge is to stay just as connected during sex with your partner. Remain physically and mentally balanced, poised and focused on the orgasm as long as possible. At first it may be a very small event, with practice its possible to magnify the experience, allowing it to become bigger or envisioning it becoming bigger.
Step 7: A description:
This is admittedly a very difficult skill to put into words, but perhaps this image will help, its one man's description of what he does. Image the body as being weightless and the orgasm as an internal force slightly shuddering or rocking the body. Allow the body to exacerbate these spasms, allow the pleasure to be distributed in every direction so every area feels these little waves of sexuality. Allow the body to accept and transmit the orgasm from the loins to the limbs and back again. By allowing this the orgasm becomes magnified as a whole body experience. For some men dry orgasms tend to get more intense throughout a sexual encounter. The first peak is usually the smallest then they grow more powerful. Later orgasms may rock a man deeply. Sometimes a highly erotic sexual encounter will bring no orgasm at all, dry or otherwise. But by not ejaculating many men prefer to save energy for the next encounter, which might be only a few hours later. The state of arousal and sexual interest is sustained and this adds to the quality and excitement of their relationship. For couple who have been together a while and find their sex live reduced to a hum drum routine its often bliss to build arousal and not ejaculate or orgasm, but rather carry that arousal throughout the day so that a passing affectionate touch or light kiss is blisteringly erotic, rather than just ordinary. Getting past the idea that sexual energy is to be gotten rid of through orgasm for women or ejaculation for men allows for the magic that most people long for and allows people to ride the subtle shifts in arousal over long periods of time and relish the relationship in new ways. Under these circumstances men of any age are capable of having sex several times a day for days at a time if they want to, orgasming now and then and orgasming very intensely on some days. To recap, keep practicing backing off on those ejaculations, once you can do that practice feeling balanced and poised when you reach heights of arousal and then try to maximize even the smallest even the smallest orgasmic shudder. When you experience these spasms and feelings, at first very small and subtle let the body surf the spasms, magnifying the sexual feelings as much as you can. With time and practice body orgasms get more intense and far more erotically satisfying then you might even imagine.
Step 8: Thanks for watcing:
Thanks for watching this episode of "The Joy Spot". I invite you to have a look at all the other videos, especially the companion to this one, and for more information about sex, love and health, or to submit questions please visit me at joydavidson.com
