What To Do If Your Child Tells You They Are Gay

Step 1: Remain calm

Even if the news of your child's homosexuality is a shock, try to take it calmly. Coming out is a difficult process for your child and getting angry or upset will just make it worse. This is probably one of the most difficult conversations of their lives and so if you can hear what they have to say and try and stay calm then it will be helpful for all concerned.

Step 2: Ask questions

You will probably have many questions such as how long your child known they are gay or whether they have a partner etc. It's perfectly natural to ask these questions and show an interest in your child's life. You may also have concerns about whether you did anything to cause their homosexuality. All the evidence seems to suggest that homosexuality is simply a natural variation (like eye colour) and certainly isn't within the control of anyone to cause someone else to be gay or lesbian. Please don't blame yourself or feel guilty about their homosexuality. These kinds of feelings, while understandable, don't help anyone. There may be other areas of their life you would like to know more about and your willingness to learn more about the subject is likely to be welcomed by your child - perhaps ask for some recommended reading - there are quite a few books written about this.

Step 3: Accept

It's important for your child to know you still love them no matter who or what they are. Your child is still the same person they always were, they have just revealed a part of their life that was previously hidden.
Don't think their homosexuality is 'just a phase'
If they have a partner be open to meeting them.
If receiving the disclosure hasn't gone well and has caused a rift between you and your child, you might find some counselling helpful. It might help to talk to other parents of LGBT children, and there are helplines as well as parent support groups. For example in the UK you could contact the PACE Family Support project. their website is www.pacehealth.org.uk.