Boys can I relate! My ten year old daughter, though usually very sweet, becomes the equivalent to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when she feels like things aren't fair or if she doesn't get her own way. Minor things that my other kids wouldn't even think to be upset about set her off into a fit. She is the youngest and acts spoiled, but isn't. We don't give in to these tantrums, yet she is getting worse instead of better. She's worse at 10 than I was at 14 or 15. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong and would gladly change it if I could figure out what it was. Good luck and let me know if anything works.

As i said before, dont ARGUE with her or show her that she can get you going. By doing that you are giving her the response she is seeking, also you are giving her attention and she will proberly win the argument. Try to forget screaming/shouting, the belt. Violence breeds violence, kids are not born aggressive/violent it is taught/learned through the enviroment they live in. You must keep calm, but be firm. Take anything out of the room that she could harm herself with, if she smashes her toys she will have none. Or simply just walk away and tell her you refuse to talk to her until she calms down. You must be consistant. If she sits nicely playing, REWARD her with praise as good behaviour often goes igored so they be naughty to get attention from you instead and by the sound of it its working! Involve her more with the 3yr old. Make time each day even 30 minutes to spend one to one time with her, play/ laugh enjoy that time together, show her you love her and that she dosent need to compete for your attention, maybe you can do this while your husband puts the younger one to bed. Its not about being soft its showing her you do love her and giving her some positive time instead of always being at war with her.

Thank you for your response, we didn't mention that we have a 3 yr old too, and I think that there is a jealousy thing going on too. we always yell when she (the 9 yr old) is home. And yes we do put her in her room when she troughs a fit but she kicks and troughs stuff and that just gets us more agravitated, so do we let her tear her room up or bring the belt out ?? We have threatened her with the D-home and that seams to work but that won't work for much longer. Talking away thing doesn't work cause she doesn't care (spoiled brat) so all we do is threaten her with the D-home. She seems to understand that we are the boss but the back talking and disrespect has got to stop. Plus why do we have to tell her when to say she's sorry ?? She is never sorry about anything unless we tell her.

When she throws a fit or tantrum dont give in but leave the room and totally ignore her. She will throw a tantrum to get a response or attention, dont get angry or argue back with her or you will be giving her control. She is trying to show you SHE is in control of YOU. Completlely ignore this behaviour she will get fed up shouting at herself, instead when she has calmed down,wait a few hours and explain to her that her behaviour earlier was unaceptable and that you are not prepared to put up with it that when you say "no" you mean it and nothing will change that. Instead reward her for positive behaviour and set her goals and something to work for with a reward/treat at the end. Praise her for doing any positive such as homework, helping you, or for being respectful towards you or others. In time she should learn that there are more benefits to be had by behaving herself than being naughty. Also explore whether there are other problems such as feeling left out, her being angry for other reasons etc. You must get control of the situation now before things get so out of hand that you either have a family breakdown or before she has complete control. Tough love is what she needs, show her YOU are the adult and SHE is the child and that she MUST abide by your rules.

I'm not a parent but I know for sure that whatever you do now, do it firmly and don't back down. Carry through with whatever you decide to do. It's in your daughter's best interest to learn discipline NOW, while there is still time to turn her into a respectful, charming young lady. Failure to act or being too soft on her will make the whole family miserable in the future, especially her.

Well I am ten also and I think that the thing that works most is letting her miss a sport game or taking away the thing the she loves most. I used to do the same thing but now Im better

I think you should talk to her when you are both relaxed and calm and explain why she can't have everything she wants all the time. She is turing into a teenager and they can be difficult to deal with. If she carries on try not to scream or shout at her back and explain why she can't have something. You could get her tested by a doctor for ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)