To the lady below; I would say you have great courage if your strong enough to leave him and make a fresh start either alone or with someone else. They play you and play you until you end up feeling like a piece of nothing when really its them who have the problem with insecurities etc. Sorry is just a word, cannot possibly make up for all the hurt and damage caused. Once the trust is gone there is always that niggling feeling inside whether they will betray you again and it dosent just go away. You dont need to get him into trouble with work or even divorce him, but DO get out there and show him how great life can be without him! I refused mine a divorce for 20yrs and its messed up him good and proper as all his future partners couldnt marry him and felt threatened he was still "married" to me which in turn gave him a headache and a trail of broken relationships!! The thing is many men like control and search out "needy" women that they can manipulate, cheat on time and time again and they KNOW they wont get thrown out which is why they do it. Dont be one of those women. If we dont have respect for ourselves why should they? You are lucky that you can be financially independant as many are not so lucky and have to either stick with being unhappy or be penniless. If women carved out a carreer of their own more, instead of depending on the man then more women wouldnt have to put up with 2nd class treatment from their husbands.

My military husband of 17 years has cheated on me emotionally and I suspect physically. I have supported him and his career to the point he has been home for 13mo since 1999. He has been deployed overseas with back to back assignments. The hurt and betrayal I feel is very painful.I feel that I have wasted several years of my life living a lie. So I confronted him, he apologized, and I also let all involved know that I will be deciding what I am going to do over the next several months. I can ruin several careers with the information I have. He will not divorce me as I have asked him to let me go.I am even angry enough to think about having an affair myslef but two wrongs do not make a right so it is not worth it. I can support myself and my kids...what a mess. He wants me to move forward and thinks that things are ok since he has apologized. So what are the other women thinking....there are no ethics and morals left in this world...heartbroken and disappointed .

It takes alot of time,honey i still dont really trust the love of my life!but theres nothing wrong with given him/her a second chance.that is if you can live with knowing the love of your life betrayed you.

my wife had an affair over ten years ago, I didnt find out until fours years later which was a heart breaking moment. we split for a while and then got back together for the sake of the kids and finance reasons. ever since the day we got back together I have thought about what she did, every single day and it has done me no good what so ever only to cause me more and more heart ache, you can never get over it and you will never trully forgive the other person, so if you can I would say get out and find someone who trully loves you.

I just found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. He met some woman in a bar and was "going out" with her for about 3 weeks according to him. Can you believe for his birthday i booked a very expensive weekend break and the following weekend he took her there! instead and when he came back he asked me to postpone the weekend i had booked there, now i know that it was cause he didnt want to get caught. He says he didnt have sex with her and its only come to light 7 months later when i saw a credit card bill and challenged him. Now he is sorry and says he made a mistake and sees a future with me, but whilst people make mistakes its when someone covers it up for that long you realise that as a leopard never changes its spots, then once a cheater there is always a risk when things get a bit tricky that person will run off with another woman to "boost his self esteem". I know i was married to a complusive liar before...........so my advice if you can get out and you have no other commitments - then just leave and with your self esteem intact you will find someone who treats you properly and with utmost respect.

I would like to contribute to this question. Firstly, when a person cheats it means that they did not ONCE think about their partner...this is a fact. They did not consider their partner's feelings at all. Because if they did then they would not even bother doing something like this in the first place. Which comes to the question 'does my partner really love/appreciate me?'. Well the bitter truth is that the cheater does not care...the love is thrown out of the window. Some cheaters still say that they love their partner after the affair. Lies. Think about this in the right state of mind. Can that be possible...no...

I know how you are feeling as my husband had an affair almost a year ago and i sometimes wonder although i do know most his moves. I am mainly struggling because of the hurt and he seems to think i should be able to just move on. Sit him down as i did and ask him to decide if it is you he wants to be with. He told me he was sorry and does want to be with me and he made a terrible mistake so i am trying to give him another chance but he knows i will not forgive a second time.

afrobrit, Thank you for the advice. Actully he did not admit that he did something. I saw the credit card statement & understood that something is not right. After talking to him he became very nice to me , told like he is not doing anything wrong. I feel he is still ceating on me. Its hard for me to take any action becoz I am very attached to him. Hard to live with him becoz I can not trust him, I am worried about what will be his next step. I don't feel peaceful. I do not understand how to servive with all that.

I would be very cautios about it. When he told you this was he upset that he did it or was he like laid back about it and didnt care. i would say if he had a laidi back attitude about it i wouldnt give him a time or day. if you heard it from someone thats worse and i would stay away from him if he didnt actually tell you that he has cheated. A person who has cheated in the past would be very sorry for his actions. But like they say once a cheater always a cheater.

They will do it again once they have tasted forbidden fruit they want more,and it takes two to tango,so when Agony Aunts condemn the husband they should remember the female.