A Grieving Child
At what age is my child able to feel grief?
Sometimes, people wonder, "at what age do children begin to grieve?" I believe that when children are old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve. So when it comes to things like children going to funerals, I believe we should be bringing our children to funerals. It's an important family event, and we are always teaching our children about life, and that includes loss. And their love and their grief should be included with ours.
How do children experience grief?
Children experience grief very differently than adults. Adults talk things out, we talk about our feelings. Children can only process grief at the level of development that they're at. So we have to have very different expectations. One of the things that we need to do is we need to talk about our own grief in front of our children so that they begin to understand what these feelings are and how to verbalize them. And also to just know your child is processing it, even if they're not talking about it, they are processing the loss.
Who in my child's life should be notified about the death?
When a child is in grief, it's important that you let people who are going to interact with them know. So you want to let their school know. You want to let their teachers know. You want to let anyone who cares for the child know. But you also, at the same time, want to make sure that everyone you tell, that they don't all have to have a sit-down, serious conversation with the child about the grief. Just letting them know that the child may feel a little differently, act a little differently, because they are dealing with very different feelings then they've had before, and dealing with a significant loss.
Can I use art or games to help my child grieve?
You can use art and games to really help your child grieve, and you will be surprised that many times if you just sit down and do an art project with them or are doing some drawing, how their grief will come into those drawings and will give you a jumping off point sometimes to talk about things. You can also find that in just playing games with kids, doing normal activities, whereby conversations can flow naturally. Adults can sit down and say "let's talk about this loss". Kids have a tougher time with that, they're much more spontaneous, so do activities with kids and just know that out of the blue they might decide to ask a question or have a conversation and you should always be ready for this situation.
What are the warning signs my child needs professional help with grief?
The warning signs that your child may need help is if you see extreme differences in their behavior. Of course, expect your child to be sadder, maybe a little more withdrawn, maybe not quite themselves because they've experienced significant loss. But anything that you're not sure about that seems a little more extreme, that seems like your child is really in a lot of pain that they don't know what to do with, and you haven't been able to really talk to them about it, and they can't express it to you. Obviously, if you're ever unsure, seek professional help.
What professional resources are available to help my child grieve?
There's many professional resources to help your grieving child. You can look in your local phone book, and check under "Hospices, Hospitals." Once again, remember your loved one didn't have to die in that hospice or hospital. Ask them about bereavement groups for kids, and counselling centers for kids. Many counselling centers will maybe have someone who specializes in grief for kids, or have a group that they formed especially for that.
