A Grieving Teenager
How do teenagers experience grief?
Teenagers experience grief in a very "teenage" way, so don't be surprised if a teenager seems unaffected by death because teenage years is all about having a facade and being able to handle things. Just know that your teenager is dealing with it, and I've had many people who have said, "I've asked my teenager how they were doing or how was the funeral and they said cool", and the person gets irrate. That's just being a teenager, and we stay in character even through the loss of a loved one. The best way is to talk about that loss with your teenager, share your feelings - don't expect them to share theirs - talk about your loved one, share a favorite memory, and then just be willing to let them deal with this at their own pace and know that as they get older, we revisit grief over and over again and come back and see it from different ages.
How do I talk to my teenager about the death?
When talking with your teenager about death, you should be honest, open, and try not to protect them or hide parts of the story because teenagers can feel this. And when teenagers are in grief, they really need honesty. So you should tell them everything you can about the situation, well, everything that is age appropriate. Things are very different when you talking to a 13 year old versus a 17 year old. So always be age appropriate with a child. But share as much as you can in an honest way with a child. Also share with them how you see things and how you are dealing with it and how you are managing through this loss because they need to learn from you just as they needed to learn from you as a parent.
What activities can I do with my teen to help them grieve?
When you think about activities that you can do with your teenager to help them through the grieving process, teenagers want everything to be normal and to not be different. So try to do normal activities that you were doing with your teenager, just be willing at times to bring the subject in or allow them to bring the subject in. At the same time, there may be a few things you do to really incorporate the loss into a situation. You might go take a walk and designate that as a time to talk with your teenager. You might set up a time to go visit the gravesite and teach them how to do that part of life also.
What should I do if my teenager acts out while grieving?
If you're worried about your teenager not grieving or acting out, just know they are grieving, even if they don't talk and you don't see it outwardly. Teenagers are very well known for acting out in general and it's very hard to decide what is normal for a teenager versus what comes from the grief. So, if you're unsure consult a professional. And sometimes it's really helpful to talk to other parents of teenagers and let them know what your teenager is doing because many times you'll find your teenager is just doing what all other teenagers are doing but you think it may be because of the grief. So, it's a fine line to know what's really happening;, is this acting out because of something that comes from the death, or is it just normal teenage years. But certainly if they're acting out in a significant way, harming themselves, threatening to harm themselves or others, you really want to get professional help right away.
Where can I find professional help for my grieving teen?
There are many books that are available to help a teenager in grief. Besides books, these days there are also a lot of camps that have been set up for children and teens in grief. Many of them can be found on the Internet, or you can call your local hospice for resources.
