Anger Management Tips
Anger Management Tips
Mike Fisher (Founder - British Association of Anger Management) gives expert video advice on: What is the difference between explosive and implosive anger?; What is the difference between clean and unclean anger?; How do I know when it's appropriate to express anger? and more...
What is the difference between explosive and implosive anger?
The difference between explosive and implosive anger is that the exploder tends to drop his 'angernades' without considering the consequences of his anger, or her anger, of course. And, unfortunately, with explosive anger people have a cathartic moment whereby they feel great after having said what they've said and the people that they've exploded onto take like a week to two weeks to recover, and they themselves cannot quite understand that. Implosive anger applies to the individual who's really afraid to express and communicate their feelings of anger, but also they're afraid of other people's anger towards them. What they tend to then do is they tend to stuff their anger, and internalizing anger can lead to depression. So we always encourage people - it's better out than in, explosive is better than implosive anger, even if it means that you have to explode. Eventually you'll find a middle ground, and once you've found a middle ground, you'll find a way of becoming assertive. But people who implode eventually explode. It's only a matter of time. So it's much healthier out than in.
What is the difference between clean and unclean anger?
When we talk about clean anger, it has a lot to do with the way an individual communicates their feelings. So if I'm telling you I feel angry with you and I tell you why I feel angry and I tell you what I need from you without any high drama associated with that, without any kind of sarcasm or criticism associated with it, that's what we call clean anger. It's the cleanest anger can be. Unclean anger is when somebody uses language which is critical or sarcastic or patronizing or judgmental or discounting or even demeaning, and does so in a way where the individual they are communicating with finds themselves really reacting to what is being said, and it's very important that people who are learning about how to manage their anger are able to distinguish between appropriate, inappropriate, clean and unclean anger in order to be able to communicate and express their anger appropriately.
How does unexpressed anger affect our health?
Unexpressed anger that is essentially buried manifests as a whole range of illnesses. One of the key illnesses is cancer. And then we look at skin diseases, which is acne and a whole range of other skin diseases. Then we move into heart problems and in digestion problems. And often, I would even suggest that people who have aches and pains, muscular problems, also need to be able to communicate and express feelings of anger.
What is passive aggression?
Passive aggression or passive aggressives are usually individuals who are very afraid to communicate their feelings of anger. So instead of saying to someone that "I'm angry with you," they will use language which is cynical, patronizing, shaming, blaming, discounting, and demeaning. And not only in the language they use, but in their actions. So, for example, you ask someone to do something and they make a commitment to doing it, but they tell you they've forgotten to do it. They had no intention to do it. So, with passive aggression, you'll find people stealing as passive aggressive, people withholding information as passive aggressive, people who spread rumors - that's passive aggressive. People who write graffiti on the walls - passive aggressive. People who are committed to working a full eight-hour day and spending three hours online without permission for their own personal use is passive aggressive. So passive aggressive essentially is anger which is not explosive. It is anger which is surreptitious, it is quiet. It is anger through the back door, and is often very, very confusing. And why I say this is that some of the most angry people that I know are the passive aggressives. And you'll usually hear somebody say things like, "I never get angry" or "I can't remember when I was last angry." Those individuals are usually passive aggressive. So, there's no screaming, shouting, high drama, but it's loaded with cynicism and criticism, self-harming and harming to others, but in a passive way.