Becoming A Matchmaker
What kind of education does it take to be a professional matchmaker?
Well, I actually helped establish something called the Matchmaking Institute where we train and certify matchmakers around the world. I created that because I think that people have really strong skills that can lead into matchmaking. Strong skills which could be either in human resources or in business or in social work or in teaching. There are aspects of what we are already doing in our everyday life that could lend itself to areas of matchmaking. What we do at the Matchmaking Institute is really sort of work on the areas of strength and the areas of weaknesses to really put people into a career of matchmaking. I think you really have to have the excitement and the joy of the romantic field, of providing relationship advice and helping people find love and being patient with them and being excited about figuring out who would make a good match for who. So there's no traditional training in the past that says OK, you have to be a social worker to be successful as a matchmaker, but I think it really helps to have a sense of the industry and that's what the Matchmaking Institute brings to this.
How did you turn matchmaking into a real career?
When I first became a matchmaker I made a lot of mistakes. I took those mistakes and really learned from them. What I did is I went out and I promoted my company. I did a lot of networking, and I did a lot of connecting and the first few clients I got, the better service you provide, the more referrals you get, and then ultimately I created an incredibly successful business. But I wanted to create a company that really helped people get into this business with a lot more resources that I had. The Matchmaking Institute really provides resources for people to transition from learning about the business and understanding the business to really opening up their own company or working for another company, having resources and press and websites, and so that really creates a substantial business to someone who really wants job independence, flexible hours, just an amazing romantic career; and I think that it really is going to replace things, like the career in real-estate. I think the career in matchmaking is going to be hotter and hotter every year.
How did you turn matchmaking into a profitable business?
When you go into any Business, especially something like Matchmaking where a lot of it is your motivation, how motivated you are will determine your success. So you have to be able to really work hard. Put a lot of hours into it. And be motivated to create a Business for yourself. You have to be out networking. You have to create partnerships with people. You have to be honest about your product. And you have to be a really good Matchmaker which means trustworthy, confidential, respectful of people's time. Return phone calls. You have to be a good Business person. And you also have to be someone who is excited about the process of helping people find love. And ultimately if you have all of those elements and a good support network, than you are going to have a profitable Business.
How did media coverage help you build your matchmaking business?
Media coverage for matchmaking or for any is like free advertising. It creates credibility and exposure in one package. It is a gold mine for people who really want to communicate a message and to have people hear that message without really having to do telemarketing and out there handing out brochures yourself and networking yourself. It really is across the board one of the most successful ways of marketing your business.So it's important to figure out what your message is. What you want people to know about your business and be very consistent with your message to the media.
What does it take to be a good matchmaker?
A good matchmaker is really someone that a excited about the business, really believes in the process of helping people find love is someone that is trustworthy and is a hard worker and is a Respectful of process and the patients of helping people make better decisions and really automated someone that people can trust and feel listen to, and feel respected and really be into like here why your telling me in that feedback so if you go out in a day and you telling me all the things that you like and you didn't like it really it's up to me, to be an auto like you feel hurt and make better choices for you in the future and how guide you in the direction and making really good choices so I think emphatic, good listening skills, our love for the industry ----our respect for people's time, you know those things, you know special skills all those things are incredibly are half fun ding's a successful matchmaker.
What's your advice to someone who wants to be a professional matchmaker?
What we created at the Matchmaking Institute is really a way to organize the researching of the business in your area. So you'd want to know, how many matchmakers are in your area? What type of income do people make? Get an idea of the business in your area. What else exists there? And then if you learn about it and if you're taught through the Matchmaking Institute, you're really learning about what the business is around the world, and then locally in your market. What other business exists, the history of matchmaking, how to do dating/relationship coaching, how to do sales, how to really open up your business, get your first client, and really have that support network. And I think that coming from a social work background where you had to get your master's, and then you could get certified, and then you belonged to a network with resources and referrals -- that hadn't existed in the matchmaking industry before we created it in 2003. So we have a school, we have training, we have a network of matchmakers around the world. We have resources of potential matches for your first clients. We have referrals of singles to matchmakers, and leads for the press, as well as business opportunities. So I think that's a really viable way to enter into the matchmaking industry with a lot of support and following the code of ethics and accountability and supportive peers, conferences, etc. I think that that's a really good way to enter into the matchmaking industry without making a lot of the mistakes that a lot of matchmakers make.
What's the best part of being a matchmaker?
The best part of being a matchmaker, I think, is sitting and talking about love all day. I always tell people 'I can't believe I get paid for this.' I'm sitting back, talking on the phone, 'Oh my god, you like this about her' and I'm sipping my tea, and I'm so stimulated, and excited about just talking about romance and figuring out who would make a really good person to introduce to this client, and every time I meet someone I'm thinking about 'Wow, I wonder who they'd be good with, would Jill or Susan be good with them? Or would Mark or Bill be this--?" What about them was attracted to their last relationship? Or I even look at married people and I'm like do they have a good relationship? What attracted them to each other? And I always ask everyone, 'so how did you guys meet? What attracted you? Did you know right away?' You know and it's almost like being involved in this mysterious world of love day to day and my research is learning about relationships and learning why people love and learning what makes a good match. It's probably one of the most fulfilling careers I could ever imagine, you know, it's exciting, it's romantic, and I really believe it helps people make wise choices. The divorce rate now is up to 50% for the first marriage, and over 60% for the second marriage, and I think that part of that is we don't learn how to make good choices, and we don't know the tolerance of working on a relationship to make it a healthy relationship, and matchmakers really help guide their clients in making better decisions so that there's not heartbreak down in the end. It's making long-term decisions, and that feels great, to be able to play a role in helping people break really bad old patterns, of the unavailable person, or the workaholic, or being attracted to the married person, you're really allowing them to make choices initially that will be healthier long-term choices for themselves.
What's the worst part of being a matchmaker?
I think the worst part of being a matchmaker is, initially, when I used to set people up, I'd get really excited and invested in that match and I'd call up the first person and they were like, "Oh my god, it was the best match ever." I used to get really wrapped up in the excitement. "Oh yes, I knew it! It's so great!" And then I'll call the other person and the other person's like, "Oh, it's not for me." I'd be devastated to tell this other person, "It was right for them. There was either no chemistry or it just wasn't right because of this and that." That's so sad to let someone know that the other person's not interested. So that's the sucky part. Or if someone's really upset because they like someone, and they're not liked back, or they both like each other but then it breaks up. Those things are really disappointing because you get so wrapped up in your investment, "God, great me, I made such a great match I'm so excited," and they agree. Then it breaks up. But why? Why can't you make it work?
Do matchmakers make a lot of money?
Matchmakers can make as much money as a matchmaker can be as good as the business. So if you are really good matchmaker, you are great at building a business, you work hard, you have the right business model, and you are reputable, and you are bringing in clients, and you are marketing yourself properly, you can make a lot of money. This business is incredibly lucrative because there are always going to be singles, it is a recession proof business if you think about it. There are always going to be singles looking for love. There is over 100 million singles in the United States alone and basically if you are good at what you do, and you built up a good reputation, the sky's the limit. You can make $200,000 upward, from there in this business and that is an independently owned business. So it is an incredibly lucrative business but you have got to have heart and you got to have ethics or it is just going to crumble. So you have got to make sure that you maintain that quality standards code of ethic, and respect for the individual client, so you always have to keep your eye on customer service.
What's the secret to a good match?
The secret to a good match. Number one: making sure that they are both having the same relationship goals. That is the key. Making sure that they both want to get married and they both want to have kids. Number one! So you've got to make sure that that's compatible. Number two: What are their values? What are their lifestyles? What are their "must-haves" and what are their "deal breakers"? And does that fit in within basic compatibility? And then looking at what have their patterns have been? What have they been attracted to in the past? What's positive about it and what's negative about it? And can you sort of match the positive aspects of what they've liked in the past and change a little bit about the kind of negatives, so if they've been very excited about really strong men that are charismatic but they've been emotionally unavailable, test it to make sure that you're getting that strong man but someone emotionally available so that it can lead into the direction of making a healthier choice for the long term relationship. So you tweak things that haven't worked, but not too extreme because then there won't be enough chemistry to sort of maintain this relationship. So you really have to balance those values, common relationship goals, the "must-haves" and the "deal breakers" in a very careful process, and then you never know once you introduce those people. You can think it's the best match in the world and you could be wrong. Or you can say, "You know what? I'm going to try this!", and it could be amazing. You just want to make sure you have those key elements so that if there is chemistry and there is a connection, then you've done all your homework about making sure they're compatible on all those important, crucial levels for long term compatibility.
