Body Dysmorphic Disorder Diagnosis

When did you first hear about Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

My mom had done research about OC and found out there was actually specialists clinics in L.A. Unfortunately my insurance didn't cover it and we were going to have to suffer but she was at the point that she knew how serious it was. So I stopped seeing the two doctors that I saw and went to a brand new therapist who was specialized in OCD. Now this was the first time that I opened up to anyone in my entire life about BDD, about - well I didn't know it was BDD at the time - but the thoughts about my appearance, my ugliness and what was going on in my head. So when I finally opened up about my appearance and why I was doing all these rituals, I was fortunate to have somebody that was such an expert that she had heard of it, she actually had experienced it herself and she knew about a doctor researching it and was starting a BDD group and thought that the only way I was ever going to get better was if I not only treated the OCD now that I had acquired but the BDD that was the cause of it.

What did you know about Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

She told me basically that all the rituals I was doing was because of my appearance, It was not OCD, in the back that I taught it was germs or I was afraid that, you know the dirtiness might get someone sick or something like that, but I was strictly obvious of my appearance, and that if I did not ever get down to feeding BDD which was a cause of that, I would never get rid of these rituals. At this point I still not really knew what I had she now said I had BDD, which still three letters to me, but I had gone in a flyer to go this BDD guru.

What happened when you saw another therapist to be tested for BDD?

I remember just being completely in tears because it was almost like what he was reading was coming straight out of my head. And I was, nobody can know this stuff. All the rituals I was doing, all the things I was doing, all the things my head was saying, all the activities I was missing out on, the suicide, the thoughts and stuff. This test and the information he had was me. It was so scary, because I'm, how does this guy know? It was almost like this guy was in my head. When he started telling me about it, I was, what, this can be a disease? I didn't really understand it. And even after finding out about it I still had my doubts. I still thought I was ugly, and that's what it was. It was just such a wake-up call, because how in the world can he know all these things.