Canceling A Wedding: Feelings, Friends And Family

What should I do if I think I want to cancel my wedding?

If you think that you may want to cancel your wedding, just take a break, just give yourself a breather. One of the main problems with wedding planning is that you're making a lot of decisions in a really short amount of time and you're discussing them with a lot of other people. So it just becomes very stressful and sometimes you forget why you're getting married. Maybe you rekindle that love, give yourself some time, take a little weekend trip together. And definitely talk to your fiance about it. Be it a male or a female, just let him or her know, "I'm having maybe a little bit of cold feet, do you mind if we talk about it?" If you can't talk about that, then you're probably not ready to get married. Not that I'm a counselor, but that would be my personal opinion. And then, in the end, if you just say, "Look, we couldn't communicate about it," definitely seek help, definitely go to a marriage counselor. Go speak with someone who can help you find a middle ground and say, "Are you ready or are you not?"

How will my family and friends feel if I cancel the wedding?

It won't look bad at all if you decide to cancel your wedding. Realistically, your family wants you to be happy. And if anyone tries to give you any flak for canceling a wedding, they're not a good friend, or they're not a good relative or what have you. It's a lot easier to cancel a wedding than file for divorce. And realistically, filing for divorce means that you've already mixed assets, you've already done things like that. So it's easier to just say, "Look, I was planning this party which happens to be a wedding, and I'm deciding to cancel."

Isn't it embarrassing to cancel a wedding?

There's no shame in cancelling your wedding, absolutely not. It happens everyday to people who really thought they were ready. Realistically if you're not ready, you're not ready. You can't push yourself into that. It's like any big decision in your life; buying a house, having a baby and things like that. If you're not ready, you're not ready. You can't pretend.

Should I go through with the wedding even though I secretly want to cancel it?

I've had clients who have said, “well, if I decide that I want to cancel, should I just go through the wedding? We'll have the great party; we'll get all the great gifts. We just won't actually make it legal.” And you go, “Absolutely not!” Because people will be able to tell. Not only that, but you're fooling all your friends and family who love you and they think they're there for a purpose and they're not. So, that's definitely the wrong choice to make.

Won't people be shocked if I cancel my wedding?

Usually, if you're going to cancel a wedding, there's something that's wrong, and usually you'll be the last person to recognize it. So I say, from a coordinator's perspective, there have been times that I've asked a couple, "Would you like to wait? I've just noticed there's a couple things that really aren't right, and I'm not a marriage counselor, but you may want to consider." And usually they will say, "Parents have mentioned it to us before, family and friends have." So normally, it's not that people expect it coming, but maybe deep down inside they'd like it to happen, and they don't think it's right.