Child Behavior: Temper Tantrums

What is a "temper tantrum"?

With regards to child behavior, a temper tantrum tends to surface around the age of two. This doesn't mean that babies can't have temper tantrums in their ages younger than two, but one of the things that happen at age two for the first time is that the child is really coming to the realization "I'm not part of my mother". Or, "I'm not part of who ever is taking care of them". I'm my own person, and as my own person, I should have a voice and that is called individuation. The psychologist word for it is the child is individuating. I'm my own person, you can't tell me what to do.

Why do children have temper tantrums?

Children who have temper tantrums are going through a phenomenon called a "push-pull phenomenon" where they are being pulled into being their own person, who knows who they are and you can't tell them what to do; they think they're all grown up, and here they're being pushed into being just a little baby who doesn't know anything and you need to take care of me. So in a temper tantrum you have these two countervailing push pull energies, that are going on in the child. Things will happen that the child becomes completely overwhelmed by. They are emotionally flooded out and then they will go into a rage of temper tantrum and it will be not logical by an adult standard, but the child may be in a rage of temper tantrum because you wouldn't give them a particular thing like a cookie if you're in the grocery store. The child flips into a rage of temper tantrum. What are the thoughts, feelings and needs that are creating this rage of temper tantrum? A rage, a tantrum is not about the parent. A temper tantrum doesn't have anything to do with the parent. It has to do with the child being completely overwhelmed and not knowing what to do, not understanding what is happening. And they become flooded out with their emotions and then they are having a temper tantrum.