Child Friendships
Is there anything I can do to help my child form healthy friendships?
The template for any friendships they make during life will be the ones they experience in the home, so the kind of relationship they have with you and other members of the family is usually important; and the kind of relationship they observe in the home, all of those things will help them. Another important point is that how they feel about themselves, their own levels of self-esteem, self-regard, are very important because in this way they will attract positive social interactions and it will also give them the confidence to make the right choices for themselves in this area.
How can I find the balance between being involved and interfering in my child's friendships?
A very good guide is to follow your child's lead. They will generally make it clear to you if you're being too involved, too directive. You would do well to listen to what they tell you, with respect to that. Everybody needs their own space, particularly in the area of social relationships. Find opportunities to give your child space to interact with others in a way that's independent of you.
How can I teach my child to deal with rejection?
I'm not so sure that you can teach as support their learning to deal with rejection. It's almost inevitable that every person will experience some rejection as they go through life, and they will find strategies for managing that. When they're very young, you protect them from this possibility, but as soon as they interact with a group of people outside the home, rejection is always something that can develop. Hopefully the resources, the personal, emotional, and social resources, you've helped them to build up will help get them through. Also, you being there as somebody to talk to and who will comfort them and try and rebuild their self-esteem will be enormously valuable.
Should I try and influence my child's choice of friends?
You don't actually need to try to influence, because just by default as the parent you will influence because of the examples that you've set, because of the models that you've made available around relationship and because of the sort of person that you've helped your child to develop into. You should rest assured that all of those ingredients will reflect the kind of relationship choices your child makes as they go through life.
I think my child's friends are a bad influence, what should I do?
Talk to your child about worries you've got in a low-key way and explain them. But before doing that, be very clear of your reasons for thinking that somebody's a bad influence. Also, perhaps talk with other involved adults about these views, so that you have some real perspective.
Should I be worried about 'peer pressure' on my child?
Peer pressure is definitely going to be around for any child, particularly as they get older. As they become teenagers, they become much more peer-referenced. The kinds of peer pressure that your child is exposed to in many respects are out of your hand, that's part of the learning opportunity that school makes available. It brings your child into contact with a much wider range and variety of people and different backgrounds. The most important thing you can do is give them a strong sense of self, one that's respectful of self and ensures that they make the choices that are good for them, to keep their well-being high and keep them learning and developing.
I'm worried about what my child gets up to with their friends, what should I do?
Be clear with yourself what those worries consist of. Obviously this will depend on your child's age. You have to accept as they become older that what your child chooses to do with friends will be their choice and is very much out of your hands. All you can do it exert a fairly remote influence in terms of what you talk about with them and the issues that you discuss together. For younger children the opportunity to supervise directly is much greater. Therefore, those worries shouldn't arise so much.
My child spends a lot of time with friends older than them, should I be worried?
Ideally, a child will spend their social interaction time with youngsters of a similar age. The reason I say that is because the developmental challenges vary enormously at different ages, and the activities that older children want to do may not be compatible with the developmental stage of your younger child. That's not to say there's no room for interactions, but it shouldn't perhaps be the sole source of social engagement.
Should I be worried if my child is a member of a clique?
Membership of a clique is an interesting phenomenon. It's something that most people have engaged in at some point in their lives, and it's usually a time limited phase. It's usually flagging up that your child has met a group of people with like needs and interests, and that's actually a good thing. Everybody needs to belong, and to be people coming from a similar direction and wanting to do similar things. When it becomes a bad thing is when this clique prevents interactions and connections with others and limits the child's development and learning. You need to be aware of this situation, and perhaps discuss it with your child when you actually think it's not in their best interest.
Should I allow my child to go to sleepovers at a friend's house?
This is a situation that frequently arises. It's really part of the culture of being a young person today to be invited to stay with friends or to have them stay with them, and there are no specific rules other than you have to be informed as a parent of the sort of context they're asking to go to. One of the best ways of doing that is to reciprocate; to invite the friends inviting your child to your home, get to know their parents and put your mind at rest around how safe they will be and the sort of conditions in which they will be sleeping over.
