Childhood Habits
What is a childhood "habit"?
Children develop habits in order to keep themselves on track. They get a certain structure that they feel safe within, when they know and can predict what's going to happen. If they know they're going to brush their teeth, then they're going to walk a certain way, and put on a certain shirt - that power and that control and that structure allows them to feel safe, which builds their self-esteem, which builds their trust in all the other things that come into that. There are great things that come out of those kinds of behaviors, its just to keep an eye on them to make sure they don't spill over into the "inability-to-function" range. A "childhood habit" could be anything from repeating something, walking a certain way, having to brush your teeth a certain time of the day, and whether that becomes an issue or not is really about the intrusion that has in a children's life. If they can't get out the door in the morning because they have to brush their teeth five times, then it becomes significant and someone should take a look at that. Otherwise, allow your children the ability to control their destiny a little bit, because that's what will give them the ability to feel empowered, to do what they think is right for themselves, and learn from that process.
How do I know if my child's habit is a serious problem?
Habits such as nail biting, and hair twirling, and picking skin and those kinds of almost self-destructive behaviors have to be looked at. They have to be looked at from several angles. The biggest angle is, are they self-destructive and are they preventing your child from being able to function? And that's becomming the way that they're coping with their stress, their anxieties, their fears or whatever it is that's driving them. You want to be able to talk to your child and ask them what is the understanding behind it for them. What are the triggers? Notice when your child is doing it. Is it when they're watching a scary movie? Is it because they are nervous and don't know how to answer a question? Is it because they are thinking, and that's how they self-soothe themselves? So trying to understand the triggers of that in helping to take that apart for your child and giving them, maybe, better coping skills is really the answer.
What do I do if my child's habit bothers me?
There can be many reasons for a parent's child's habit bothering them. Often it triggers something within that parent, so as a parent it is better to start to look within yourself first before you start to delve into your child. For example, say a child is biting his nails. If it's not to a point where it is that intrusive, maybe you will want to watch it for a little bit. But if the mother can't tolerate watching it, she needs to understand why she can't tolerate watching it. Most likely it's because either she was chastised as a child or she wants to do it and won't allow herself. Someone she cares about does it and the habit bothers her. So really, looking at yourself before you start to look at your child is the key.
How can I help my child overcome his problematic habit?
You will help your child in the best way if you identify the problematic behavior for that child. But again, that's after you take self-inventory and housekeeping of yourself. You should know where you stand. You should look at your child, allow them to be able to communicate to you why they feel they have this problematic habit. You should begin to educate yourself on the process of what is triggering that child into those problematic behaviors. Piece that together, and then see if there's really a need to move forward for other issues, treatments, or recommendations.
