Communicating On Internet Dating Sites
How can I attract people to my online dating profile?
There are some ways that you can attract the greatest number of possible candidates through online dating. One would be to make sure you are specific in the terms you use to describe yourself, so that when people search those terms, they are going to find your profile. The second would be that once you've been online, make sure you do revisions to your ad on a frequent basis. Every time you revise your ad, it takes it back up to the top of the pile. You'll be the first and foremost that people find, when they do a search for those specific terms released in your ad. We talk about terms in your online dating profile; we talk about things that interest you. For me it might be sailing, board gliding, Venice beach, where I like to go, Yoga, etc. You want to be very specific and you want it to be accurate. You don't want it to be things, that you wish you did, like "I wish I went horse back riding," or, "I wish I could surf." The more accurate your interests and your passions that you put into your online dating ad are, the better
How can I maximize responses to my online dating profile?
Online dating not about the most replies. What you really want are replies from people who you are likely to want to go out with. You want an ad that talks about the real you, what you have to offer, and what you're looking for, so that no matter how many replies you get, you are going to be interested in each of the people who reply to your ad.
What should I do if someone I'm not interested in contacts me on an online dating site?
My approach to responding to someone you are not definitely interested in is to delete their email. The reason being is I know when I was online dating and I e-mailed someone and they e-mailed me back that they were not interested, I did not want to see that. I got excited, I would see the e-mail, but if it was a "no" I would rather not hear from them. That gives me the answer and meanwhile I am moving on to the next person. My answer is, if you are not interested in that person: Delete, delete, delete. Move on to the next, they will know exactly what your answer is.
Should I instant message people on online dating sites?
We prefer e-mail to IM, because you really want to use e-mail to screen out those from online dating sites who you don't want to go out with. You can craft a more thoughtful e-mail and do revisions to it before sending it. Then you can keep copies of the responses that you get, to review later, to see whether this person really works for you or doesn't. IM is just more temporary and off the cuff. It's a great way to flirt, but if you're really looking for a serious relationship on the internet, we recommend e-mail. After a couple weeks of online dating, you'll find there's a lot of different options, so don't be overwhelmed. It's about really what you enjoy. While we recommend e-mail over IM, if you find that you absolutely love IM-ing and e-mail seems to be a pain, then IM. Do what works for you - that's the great thing about communicating on the Internet.
Should I video chat with people on online dating sites?
Video chatting can be great. It offers an opportunity to get a close up look at the person that you're thinking about dating. You want to you use video chatting to screen when online dating. Is this someone who I'm interested in? Am I getting a sense of their personality? Do we have chemistry? Do I like the way that they laugh and think of things? You can get a more human input from video chatting than you can from e-mail. If you have the opportunity, definitely video chat.
How can I avoid online dating addiction?
Dating addiction is not necessarily bad. If all you're looking to do is date and have casual relationships, it's fine to continue to use the Internet for that. What we ask our clients to do is to sit down before they even start and write what they're looking for. What is their goal? What are they using online dating for? If what you're looking for is a serious relationship, if you know that in advance, you're much less likely to get caught up in the whole dating aspect of everything.
How long should I e-mail someone from an online dating site before we meet?
There is no fast and firm rule for how long you should e-mail before meeting; it's really subjective. What you're trying to do is use the e-mail to screen out people who you know you're not going to be a match with. You want to e-mail back and forth until you see you've really got some chemistry. Then you want to take it to the next level. Everyone has a different idea for how long they should correspond with each other before meeting, and we'd say it's going to be different for everyone. For example, I corresponded, and I don't recommend this, with my husband for several months before we first met, but that was because of our crazy schedules. But meanwhile, I was actually dating other people, so going on first dates or second dates, but I still found something very attractive about my husband. Just because I couldn't meet him, I still corresponded with him. It all worked out in the end. We corresponded for several months and then met because that worked for us. I would say there should be a time limit of six months, and if you're still corresponding, that's crazy. But you'll know in your heart what works for you when it comes to online dating.
If I meet someone online, should we talk by phone before meeting in person?
Use every resource you have to screen out the people who aren't right for you when online dating. It's all about finding chemistry. You e-mail for a while. If you feel you still have chemistry, you like the way they write e-mails, the way they talk, the way they think, then that's great. Take it to the next level and talk on the phone. You want to see whether you like their voice. You want to see them in action. Maybe they were studiously crafting and recrafting those e-mails. Give it a chance to see how they work in an improv situation. If you still like them, then you meet in person. Use every resource you have to screen them, so you don't waste time going on dates where you look at your watch in the first five minutes and say, "Oh my God, how long do I have to sit here before I can leave?" You notice as coaches we talk a lot about the screening process and that was the secret to our success. So, the phone is another tool. Use e-mail. If there's chemistry there, use the phone, and then meet. Use all those tools but at any point where you're thinking, "It was great with e-mail but on the phone it's very stilted or the voice just drives me crazy," that's a great screening tool. End it there.
When should I respond if someone contacts me on an online dating site?
When to e-mail is a subjective thing. People always ask, "Should I wait or not wait?" I personally don't believe in games, and when I went online, I wanted to find someone I could have a serious relationship with. I'll tell you this story: when I went online, I met with five men and the fifth is my husband, but the fourth was in the running, too, for a while. What I found with my husband was when we finished a date, he wanted to know when we were having our next date. When I e-mailed him, he e-mailed me right back, whereas the fourth got caught up in - days would go by before he called and he'd end a date and just say goodnight without trying to book me another time, and I didn't have time to waste. I wanted to be with someone who wasn't going to play games and was going to be there when I was there, who was going to be honest in his responses to me, so I dropped the fourth guy. I dated the fifth guy, and I married the fifth guy. I feel sorry for the fourth guy, but that's the way it is. You can wait a number of days before you reply, but you might be e-mailing someone like me who's just going to move on and find someone who's not playing games and who shows they're interested and is interesting to be with. As online dating coaches, we have a lot of clients and some people are able to spend an hour a day on an online dating search, and some might only be able to do it on weekends, and so it's going to be different for everybody. In your correspondence, if you aren't able to email someone back immediately - say 24 hours - you should probably say that. You should probably say that in your ad, that you do your online dating on the weekends, because no one likes someone who plays games, and it is a numbers game, people are dating a lot of people. Do what feels best for you when online dating, but if it's something unusual, where you can only respond on weekends or once every two weeks, make sure to say that.
Is it okay to email someone twice on an online dating site if they don't respond initially?
One of the great things about online dating is, in a lot of ways, it takes very little effort. If you sent an email and you didn't get a response, and you're wondering what happened, you can send another one. It takes very little effort - type, send, just say, "I just want to double-check. That's the type of person I am. I'm very reliable, responsible." If you don't get a response, okay, move on. Because it involves very little effort, we suggest being thorough when dating online.