Contacting Your Family
Should I contact my birth family immediately?
When people finally locate a birth family member, it's natural to feel really excited and want to go straight in there and say, "Here I am. Lets have contact." It's important to stand back, think about the approach, how it should be done, who should do it, so that you don't blow it by going in like a bull in a china shop. It's important to stand back and think about the best way of approach.
Should I approach my birth family directly?
Contacting birth family members can be a real shock for that person, who may not be expecting it. The advice would be that it is always important to use an intermediary, because that intermediary can act as a buffer for both sides. It can enable the birth family, the birth parent who's being approached, to have time to think about what they want to do, to talk freely about their feelings and thoughts. Equally, the same can happen for the adopted person. For the majority of cases, we would always say it is right to go through an intermediary, who can provide support, help, and advice to both parties.
What is an intermediary?
An intermediary is a person that is a go between, a mediator between two people who want contact.
Does the intermediary help me locate my family?
When an adopted person wants to search for birth family members, they may well be in touch with the adoption agency that's held the records, and they've been in touch with the adoption worker who's shared that information with them. And that adoption worker can often offer advice about searching and locating and, in many cases, will be willing to act as the intermediary and provide the services that adopted person needs to make contact with that family.
Do I have to use a professional intermediary service?
Adoptive people can chose who they want to act as an intermediary. Some people may want to chose a close relative or a partner. Others would prefer to use a professional who has experience in the adoption search and reunion issues that will arise. What's important is that the adoptive person has had contact with a professional to discuss all the possible options open to them. So they can make a decision that suits them.
What is the advantage of using an intermediary?
One of the advantages of using an intermediary is that the person is not so closely linked to either party. They can really sort of stand back and try and take the perspectives from the birth relative or birth parent and the adoptive person and try and mediate between the two so they can get an outcome that everybody feels is right for both.
Do I have to use an intermediary service?
It is always advisable to use an intermediary service and to contact people who've got professional experience in these areas. For birth relatives, there's new legislation that's there only by means of making contact with an adoptive person. It has to be through and intermediary service.
