General Sex Problems
What is the G spot and where is it?
The G spot is the mystery spot located inside the upper wall of the vagina. You can find the G spot by inserting the middle finger of your hand and hooking it up inside the vagina. When you feel a small section of the lining, which is almost rough or lovely - if you press that slightly, you'll get a sensation in the urethra which makes you feel like you want to pee. That is the G spot, and it's very closely connected with the urethra.
I am having difficulty staying aroused during intercourse, why is this?
Lack of arousal can be caused by several things. It can be due to age, or it can be due to the fact that you don't find your partner stimulating. Most likely, it is due to the fact that you're having some physical problems with getting an erection, and therefore maintaining an erection as well.
I'm having difficulties maintaining erection, should I use Viagra?
If you're having difficulty maintaining an erection, Viagra is a choice that you can make, but it has to be an informed choice. Don't just buy it off the internet. Go and see a Doctor, have a check up, and make sure that you are somebody that can use Viagra, because there are a lot of contra-indications for certain other conditions and other medications that it interacts badly with. Before you use it, get a checkup.
What is erectile dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction is when the mechanisms which allow the bloodflow into the penis to form an erection don't work properly. The messages from the brain are blocked in certain channels, whereas what happens when a man has got a full erection - certain channels block off, so that the blood stays in the penis. When you've got erectile dysfuntion, those channels don't close properly, so blood is able to leak out again and therefore the penis goes soft again. That is basically what it is.
I often end up faking orgasms during sex, is this common?
The faking of orgasms is extremely common and, as we have classically seen in the film When Harry Met Sally, not that difficult to do. I'm not saying it's a good thing to do, but there are times when you as a woman feel that it's necessary to do it. It's unfortunate that we do feel it is necessary. We should be able to be honest about the fact that either we're not having an orgasm, and a man should be able to live with the fact that we're not having an orgasm. If we could get past this idea that an orgasm is equated with good sex, we would get over the need to fake it. Until we do, we'll probably continue to be faking it.
I m female and rarely have orgasms during sex, is this common?
It is very common for women to not have orgasms during sex. There are different ways that this occurs. We have what's called pre-orgasmic women, who have never had an orgasm during sex at all using any means. There are women who can only have orgasms during sex when it involves oral sex, manual stimulation or sex toys. It is actually quite difficult for women to have an orgasm with penetrative sex alone, which is not what the books would have you believe. Certainly the novels and stuff would make you believe that everybody has an orgasm every time they have penetrative sex. Not so. Women shouldn't worry unduly that they're not having orgasms during sex. They should be having them, and may just be missing out on something. They may need to talk to their partner about it or take control of it themselves, and that way have the orgasm. But certainly penetrative sex isn't the best way for women to have an orgasm.
My partner and I haven't had sex for six months, how do we get started again?
Running out of steam on the sexual relationship is not abnormal. Certainly, not to have had sex for six months is quite a long period of time, but there may have been very good reasons for it. Illness, or stress can cause you both to not have sex for long periods of time. I don't think that it's anything that's abnormal. Go easy on yourself - don't expect to go from zero to a hundred in one night. Take it easy, and try to get yourselves back in the mood. Use different kinds of stimulation, whether it's books or go on a date, to try and seduce each other is what you have got to do, to go back to that beginning again. It is certainly not impossible, and six months isn't that long a time.
Why does the desire for sex drop off as a relationship develops?
Firstly, there's a physical, chemical reason. It is like that when we first meet a partner and go absolutely do-lally over them - there are chemicals which make us want to bond with them, and our method of bonding is sex. After a while, we can't keep that response up. Our body just simply can't keep going at that pace. We gradually lose that physical response to bond, and we start to bond more emotionally and mentally. There is a good physiological reason for it. It's not really that you're going off each other - it's that your relationship is moving into a more mature stage.
I recently had a baby and still dont feel like having sex, is this normal?
Having sex is just about the last thing on your mind after you've had a baby. Your hormones are in a state of flux, and the hormones that are gearing you up for sex and pumping up your libido, are very low at that point. All that you want to do is bond with the baby. If you're breastfeeding, it also affects how you are feeling. It's completely normal to not want to have sex for quite some time after you have a baby. If only they would tell more women that, then a lot fewer women would suffer in the first year after birth.
I'm pregnant and my husband wants to have sex, is it dangerous?
There is nothing to say that sex during pregnancy is dangerous. Clearly, if you are at risk of a mis-carriage, or have any kind of problems that you are aware of, the position of your uterus, or anything like that, then you might want to check with your Gynaecologist, Obstetrician and midwife, to make sure that you're not going to have any problems. Otherwise, if everything is absolutely normal, it's not dangerous at all.
In what way can alcohol and drugs affect my sex life?
Using alcohol and drugs can affect your sex life, mainly by dulling your sexual response. Clearly, when we've had a few drinks, we lose a lot of our inhibitions, and we want more sex. However, what happens is that we have a few more drinks, and we get home, and men then find it difficult to get an erection. In fact, women find it a lot more difficult to orgasm, because their whole nervous center is depressed. While they think that they might be having a great sexual experience, in fact, they're not. What's more, is that they have probably forgotten whatever happened by the next morning, and just feel awful. Drugs tend to have the same kind of effect - they can also lead you into dangerous practices, because we lose our inhibitions. For example, drugs and alcohol may lead us into unsafe sex, in situations where, if we hadn't used them, we might have thought twice about who we were with, and what we used.
My partner has downloaded porn, does this mean something is wrong with our relationship?
If your partner has downloaded porn, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with your relationship. Men like porn, or at least some men do, and it's simply a way of being stimulated. It doesn't mean that he finds you any less attractive - he just likes looking at porn, and being stimulated by other kinds of more extreme images, perhaps. I wouldn't worry about it, it's just one of those things, like looking at cars.
My partner wants to have sex during my period, isn't this disgusting?
Sex during menstruation is taboo for a lot of religions, and although it's certainly not taboo in most of western culture, a lot of women feel embarrassed by the idea of it. Ironically, sexual response is often greater during menstruation and women often find it easier to orgasm during menstruation. If you can get over it and your partner enjoys it, then there's nothing wrong with that.
Is sex that important in a relationship?
Sex - the importance of sex in a relationship is perhaps over-hyped. If you pick up a magazine in the last 10-20 years, you would believe that all relationships are just about sex. Sure, sex has its place in the relationship. It's a part of bonding, and it's a part of intimacy, but it is certainly not as important in a realtionship as the media in general tends to make it out to be. We're being taught, or told, that if we're not having this great sexual relationship, then there's something wrong with the rest of the relationship. I don't personally buy into that. There are plenty of people who have average or below average sexual relationships, by their standards even, but are perfectly happy with the rest of thier relationship. It's one of those things that's very difficult to quantify.
Does sex improve your health?
The link between sex and health is not often made, but every time you have sex, even when you masturbate - masturbation is good for your health - you are raising your heart rate. Also, it makes you emotionally healthier. It is a stress reducer, and it gets rid of tension. Sex is good for your health, whether you're on your own or whether you're in a couple.
What is the difference between making love and having sex?
The difference between making love and having sex is all in the mind. What women crave is this idea of making love as a form of when sex becomes a form of emotional commitment. Men tend to see sex as just having sex. That doesn't mean that they are not emotionally committed - they just don't have to make that distinction that women do.
Why do we want to have sex?
Wanting to have sex is a basic biological impulse. We want to have sex because we want to continue the race, the species. Basically, we also want to have sex because we want to have pleasure. It's that pleasure function in humans which differentiates us from other animals.
I am still attracted to my partner, but sometimes I don't want to have sex, is this unusual?
It's quite usual, especially if you've been with somebody for a long time. You still find them attractive, you still get on with them fine and are having a good relationship, but you may go through periods where you really just don't feel like having sex with them. It doesn't mean that you are never going to have sex with them again - it's just that you are having a little bit of a down period. It is not anything to worry about, as long as you maintain communication with your partner about it and say why you are feeling the way you do. They can then accommodate it and find your own solutions, and even together find a solution to it.
What is libido?
The libido is your sex drive, and everybody tends to have a slightly different one. Mostly, this is dependent to some extent on your genetic makeup and the level of hormones in your body, and that's really what your libido is - it's just your sex drive, the impulse you have to have sex. Some people's minds obviously play some part in it as well.
Does size really matter?
The question about whether size matters is one that comes up regularly. Of itself, in relation to sex, no, size doesn't matter. It's how you use the penis that matters. The only thing that matters in that respect, is that individual women have their own preferences. Yes, some like much larger organs and some prefer smaller ones, or sort of broader ones or whatever - depending on their own anatomy, really. The answer to that question is definitely no. Size doesn't matter.
