Get Happy
Can a person learn to be happier?
If I did not think that it was possible for a person to learn to be happier, I would not do what I do for a living. I absolutely believe that people have the capacity to grow happier sequentially as they continue to work towards that as a goal. So I think it's possible for everyone to learn how to be happier.
What are some exercises that can be used to break unhappy patterns?
Exercises used to break unhappy patterns can be the homework assignments that I love to give people to let go of an individual or experience by writing it down and saying goodbye to it. A loss that has been recycling in someone's head in sort of an obsessive way, focusing on I lost that or I lost that and feeling unfinished about it. If they can write it down, if they can say goodbye to it, if they can ritually bury it or release it somehow, it gives them a way to start fresh. Because part of what happens if someone suffers a loss and they do not complete the grieving process, is they get stuck there. So anything that will help them move through the experience, go through the anger, go through the sadness, go through all the feelings, come out in a place of acceptance, will give them a way to feel lighter. And therefore, more potential to being happy. Another one is if they have a conflict with someone and they cannot find a way to articulate what they feel, what they think, and what they like or work out an understanding and a compromise with that person. Writing a letter to the individual is usually really helpful. It does not matter if that person is alive. It does not matter if they are actually in a relationship with them currently. But they can always work it out because really, the only relationships you have are in your mind. How you see that person. How you choose to believe that relationship exists. Your memory. Those things are all subject to change given whatever you choose to do. So again, you have control. If you take control and you take responsibility, you can create change and break unhappy habits.
Can self-help books help me cultivate happiness?
Some of the books that are out there today that talk about happiness - some of the writings by the Dalai Lama, certainly a lot of self-help books actually have very bona fide, positive suggestions for how to create change and how to focus on positive things. So, whether you get that information spiritually, or through reading, or through word of mouth from your friends, from your support system, all those places that are resources for you are really important to incorporate to allow you to create some more happiness and joy.
What are some societal obstacles to happiness?
Often we are, especially in our culture and our society, are human doings instead of human beings. We don't take much time to slow down, to figure out how we feel, to ask ourselves what we need to do to take care of ourselves better or to create joy either for ourselves, people around us, to be loving. And we don't pay attention to what we are saying in our heads that involves self criticism or scares us. So we don't really notice on an internal level how we are impacting our own experience of the world. And when we are really busy, we pay even less attention to ourselves. So the more we slow down, the more you can take a moment to be and check in, the more you can create what it is that you are actually trying to find outside.
Is happiness worth pursuing?
I think it's important to identify where the obstacles are to one's happiness in terms of what problems do I feel like I am struggling with? In what ways am I preventing myself from feeling happy? What am I doing that is stopping me from being happy because happiness is sort of a general state of being. There are probably things that an individual is doing or that they have going on in their life that stopped them from experiencing their happiness. So as opposed to finding the happiness, it's more like getting rid of the roadblocks to it. And that's the kinds of stuff that needs to happen and be discussed and dealt with in a therapy situation or on their own as they continue to learn and grow.
