Get Happy
What are the essential ingredients of happiness?
Love, connection, relationship. Living out purpose in your life. Confidence that you're worthy and that you belong.
What gets in the way of happiness?
I think the things that probably most interfere with happiness are self-absorption and insecurity. Because insecurity often causes us to focus on ourselves only, instead of on others. I think we get a lot more happiness when we can focus on other people and feel like we're contributing to their lives. Which is, in essence, what I think what love is; love is an action, love is a behavior, it is wanting the best, not only for yourself, but for other people, and taking the steps to let that out, and happiness, again, is a byproduct of that.
How can I cultivate happiness?
We cultivate happiness when we enter into authentic relationships of caring for another, stepping outside ourselves. Knowing what your strengths are, and offering those up as gifts and that doesn't mean neglecting oneself, because in order to nurture your strengths and to really have something worth giving, yes you do have to develop yourself. To take time and nurture and care for yourself and all of those things, but to what end? The end ultimately I think there needs to be the desire to see that opportunity of change in the other person.
What mistakes do people make in trying to attain happiness?
I think the most common mistakes that people make in attaining happinesses are focusing or taking on other people's values, other people's dreams for them, or seeking the approval of people and bending your essence to who you are to make someone else happy. And it's not just always another individual but, you know, making a society happy. Not sticking out, not being the oddball. Because let's face it, there's a lot of pressure that we're put under to not to be countercultural.
Why are some people chronically unhappy?
I think some people are chronically unhappy because they have an incredible inability to step out of themselves. It's hard for them, for whatever reasons, for whatever damage that was in their life, for whatever way in which they are somehow wired to focus outwards. And let's face it if we all completely focused inwards, we know all our own little demons and our own foibles and problems and imperfections. And when we get completely focused in on that and it becomes all about, oh poor me, its very hard to be happy.
Does complaining help or hurt the quest for happiness?
I think complaining can do both, can both help and hurt; depends on what the purpose of the complaining is. Is the complaining to kind of vent and get it out so that we can move beyond it? Then it can help us, you know it's just a good catharsis, you know, get it all out and just say okay that's done with now I can get about my business. If complaining becomes an excuse not to do anything then it of course it can hurt us because then you know it really just becomes an excuse for further turning inward. So it really just depends, I complain, I complain all the time. But, you know I get it out, just get it out and get it over with.
Does society place too high a premium on happiness?
I think society does place a premium on happiness and it distracts us. We think that happiness becomes the purpose of life. And there we get into this whole notion of the by-product versus. Is it the goal, or is it the side effect? Happiness is a side effect, but our society just drums it into us that somehow we're supposed to be happy, and that our society has provided the answer to that happiness in some form or another. I think it's really to our detriment, I think we get distracted and I think a lot of people end up questioning themselves because they somehow feel that they're failing, because let's face it, we're not happy all the time. I mean, you know, happy in the sense of "oh gosh, everything's just peachy", and "oh, I just have the perfect life and the perfect wife and the perfect job and the perfect kid and the perfect dog" - no, none of us are perfect, none of it is perfect. Happiness isn't a constant state - it can't be. It won't be. We wouldn't know happiness if we didn't know suffering. We have to know suffering; we have to embrace suffering, because we grow through suffering. And the purpose of the growth is therefore to be of service. It's why I believe the attitudes in the gospels are so profoundly true. Jesus' sermon on the mount or on the plain depending on which gospel you're looking at where he's saying "Blessed are the poor, for they will lead" or "Blessed are the hungry, for they will be fed," or "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God". But the peacemakers, they get dumped on. It's not easy; it's hard work, its painful work. You don't feel blessed, you don't feel happy without having suffered something first.
What makes you happy?
What brings happiness to me is seeing the look in my partner's eyes, and knowing that I am completely loved even despite my annoying qualities at times. My dogs bring me incredible happiness, because they are such a reminder of that unconditional love that comes out. These creatures who just love you no matter what and are always happy to see you. What brings me happiness, and this is all a reflection, I think, of the ultimate, the fact that I feel truly blessed by God that I get to have these kinds of people in my life and creatures in my life. And that I get to work with people and worship with people who are really committed to transforming lives. Their own lives, and other people's lives, and therefore transforming the world. The city, this nation, the lives of some stranger in another country. That brings me incredible happiness.
