Getting Married To A Guy
Getting Married To A Guy
Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaker) gives expert video advice on: Why doesn't he care about the wedding?; How do I transition from fiancee to wife?; What if I don't like my husband's family? and more...
Why doesn't he care about the wedding?
Wedding is often this gobal romantic dream for the woman. So worrying bout whether he is concern or not is not the problem. Instead makes plan with him. Men is more a problem solver.
What if I don't like my husband's family?
Family is a very, very touchy topic. You can never have a guy choose between you and his family. So grin and bear the family. You've got to make time for the family as long it's not, taking over your lives and he's seeing the family every week. If it's only holidays and birthdays and phone calls maybe a couple of times a month, you just have got to keep your own counsel on that and be supportive. Let him talk if he has issues with his family, let him talk about those issues, but do not jump on the bandwagon and say, "Oh, they're horrible. I agree with you," because that will come back to haunt you. So when it comes to family, you always have to tread lightly and allow him to experience his feelings and make his choices. Support him and go along with it as long as it's not dominating your life. So be real, real careful about that choice and not contaminate your relationship with his choice to be with his family.
How do I get my husband to communicate his feelings?
Men are not necessarily feeling communicators, women are all about feelings and not so much solving the problem for the problems sake, but really discussing emotions and complexities of the relationship. And men are much more concrete, so if you want your husband to talk about feelings, what is that you want to accomplish? Is there something that you want to communicate to get your needs met in a certain way or do you just want him to listen about how you feel about something? But if you let him know at a time, hey, let's schedule this time so that we can talk about our relationship. There is something I want to talk to you about and it might just be I need you every weekend for 20 minutes to just let me talk about my emotions and my being overwhelmed about this or that. I would like you to communicate when you want to be romantic or I would like it if you brought me flowers more often, or I would like it if you said 'I love you' more often. The more specific you can be with a man, the more results you will get and the more fulfilled you would be. But if you wait for a man to read your mind and talk about feelings it's not going to happen and it's going to lead to disappointment for the both of you. And there is nothing that a man wants more than to be the helper and to please and to accomplish and to solve problems. So if you list what your needs are in a concrete way, then it is having each of you really understand what the others needs are and where the others coming from.
Why does my husband always have to be in charge?
Men love to be the problem-solvers and love to be, in a sense, the alpha dog of the relationship for the most part, this is just generally speaking. If a man feels like he's taking charge it means he's the caretaker, he's being responsibile for the family and he feels like it's a good thing. He feels like, "Alright,I'm taking care of her, I'm going to care of this problem, I'm going to create this solution." And it's real concrete thinking of, "here's a problem, here's a solution. I'll take care of it." He probably actually thinks that he's doing good in being the caretaker. If that doesn't work for you, as a woman in this relationship, you need to figure out what aspects of it are not working for you. Are there certain things that you would like to be doing? And, if so, communicate that with him-let him know, "I love it when you take charge of these certain things, but I would love for you to value my opinion in this area. Do you think you could do that? Would that be comfortable for you?" So, it's really about openly communicating with him nd having him understand what aspects you enjoy, and what aspects you'd prefer to change to get your own needs met.
How do I start a serious talk about our marriage with my husband?
Any time you need to have a serious talk about marriage with your husband, it's something to be scheduled. Again, make time to talk about serious aspects in relationships. You could even create a 'relationship schedule': weekly you talk about the relationship and business stuff, weekly you have 'date night', weekly you talk about bills and things that need to be done. And then, weekly you have 'individual night' and you do your own thing, and you get to have your own down-time. So you could be as scheduled as you want. But, I think the more you make specific time for serious discussion about relationships, and you decide that ahead of time, you're both prepared to sit down and really talk about this openly. Let your husband know what the issues are specifically, or let him know that you need to talk for twenty minutes, and then get to the specific issues. The more you can really communicate in a structured period of time, the more comfortable it is for both of you to really be able to focus on that topic at that time.