Guys And Love

Guys And Love

Lisa Clampitt (Matchmaker) gives expert video advice on: Do men believe in love at first sight?; What makes a man fall in love?; How fast does a guy know if he's in love? and more...

Do men believe in love at first sight?

I think that men and women believe in chemistry at first sight. Men will say, "I know it when I see it, I see them and I know that they're meant to be." you know? What they're feeling is attraction, they're feeling sexual energy, they're feeling a familiarity. Maybe this person reminds them of someone they had a real crush on. So, I think that that is linked with love at first sight. Whether that develops into a long term relationship or not that's something else. Some people, they really feel it and then it progresses to a relationship and other people are always falling in love at first sight, and ultimately, it's just chemistry, sexual energy and attraction. That doesn't necessarily lead to a long term relationship.

What makes a man fall in love?

I think that a man falls in love for many, different reasons. I think that chemistry, again the elusive chemistry, which is attraction, physical attraction, hardwiring of what they've been attracted to in the past, what are their parents relationship like and how does that pattern fall into their relationship choices, do they feel like they found a sense home or long-term compatibility with this person, and is this person confident? Do they have an air about them that makes the man feel really good about himself? Does he feel great around her? Does he feel like he is really being acknowledged and flirted with? And does she have a sense of happiness and independence? And I think all these things combined. Does she have a passion about life? And these things really are so individual per each man. But, I think those are the key elements that sort of bond into a man's brain to look for: this is the direction, and I want to stay with this person, see where it goes.

How fast does a guy know if he's in love?

I think that people fall in love or are crazy about someone at a different pace. I think you could have huge chemistry when you first meet someone, that doesn't necessarily mean long-term compatibility. So I think some guys just absolutely know it's right for them at that moment and some guys need to pace it, and it may be, you know, a week, it may be six months, it may be a year, but it really is sort of an individual thing. I think it's more about worrying initially, are you guys right for each other in terms of long-term compatibility, meaning do you have similar relationship goals. If someone wants to get married and have kids and the other person just wants to date, that's not going to be a healthy choice for each other in terms of compatibility. So I think you have to pace it and not worry so much about when he knows and when he's going to fall in love because it's too individual.

Should I say 'I love you' first or wait for him to say it?

I think that people really get fixated on this "I Love You" thing. When should I say "I Love You"? Should he say it, should I say it? I think that you should see where the relationship goes and enjoy each others company, and see if this is someone you want to be with. And if you feel like saying, "I Love You" say "I Love You". And don't worry so much about whether its going to be returned. Sometimes when someone says"I Love You" its something to sort of absorb. And maybe they need to think about. You know, "Wow"! "How do I want to respond to this"? or , "Yeah, I really think she's great". Don't say "I Love You" on the first date though, that's my two cents. I think if you say "I Love You" on the first date, or without really knowing someone, they're going to think something is a little off. So pace it in a reasonable way and don't get really fixated on the words and the setup. And whether they're returning it. I think that you should go with what your feelings tell you to go for."

When do I know if a guy is ready to say ' I love you'?

Again, I think that if you feel like you love this guy, there's ways to tell him you feel excited without necessarily saying "I love you" or putting that out there if it makes you feel uncomfortable. So, you could say, "I adore you, I think you're amazing," or "you're someone I think I could fall in love with," and you could read them, you could see how they feel, you could see how they respond, so if you feel really uncomfortable and you want to pace it, say other things that indicate the same thing.

What if I say 'I love you' and he says nothing?

Again, I think that if you says 'I love you' and he doesn't say anything, I think just let it lie, give him space, be patient because it's really important to follow your feelings, but not pressure him within your agenda. So, if you feel like you want to say it, say it, but without expectations that it's a tit for tat. Let him be, be patient, and see where it goes.

Should I break up with him if he can't say he loves me?

I think anytime you give anyone an ultimatum in a relationship, you should say goodbye to the relationship because if you are pressuring someone to express their feelings, especially a man, that's only going to get him to distance further. So I think that the only thing you can do if you're feeling emotionally disconnected from your male partner is schedule downtime to talk about what your needs are and what your emotions are and let him know; these are the things that I need out the relationship and this is what I feel like I'm not getting and I just want you to know that. Let me know how you feel about that, whether that's something you can give me or you feel comfortable giving me and if he's not comfortable giving you what you need in that relationship the relationship is not right for you.