Helping A Grieving Friend
How do I help a grieving friend?
When a friend is in grief, the best thing you can do for them is be with them. Some of the things they say may be uncomfortable to hear. Sometimes the sadness you may see may be hard to be with and you may want to try to cheer them up, but just be with them and let them be where they are in their grief. That's the best gift you can give them.
What do I say to my friend after they have lost someone?
Some things to say to your friend after they have lost someone is to just be honest and say "I don't know what the right words are but just know that I'm here for you. You can call me anytime and talk about it". It's also nice sometimes to share a favorite memory of the loved one. You can just say something as simple as "I'm sorry for your loss", and remind them that you're there for them. It's really the simpler things. You don't need to fix them, but just know that they're hurting and that they're in pain. You're their friend and it's nice that you're by their side.
What should I avoid saying to my grieving friend?
When a friend is grieving, you want to avoid saying things that minimize the loss or ask them to change their feelings. You don't want to say things like, "be strong" or "look on the bright side" or "don't worry, you're going to get over this" or "cheer up, you can do this". This is because in reality it hurts and they're in pain and they need you just to be with them where they are.
How do I support my grieving friend through the holidays?
The holidays are going to be a tough time for your friend in grief, and the best thing you can do is acknowledge that loss. You want to let them know that it's hard for you and that you can't imagine how hard it would be for them to have gone through the loss, and that during the holidays they can talk about their loved one and can bring them up whenever they want. Let them know that you don't have to do the same rituals or things that you've done, and that you can really be flexible with your holiday plans. If you can, share holiday memories of you and their loved one that you remember that you all did together. Any way that you can help them keep their loved one alive, because they're alive in their heart, and they're alive in the holidays.
What are some activities I can do with my grieving friend?
There are a lot of positive things that you can do to help your grieving friend, like encouraging him to do activities such as going to dinner, cafeteria's and movies. You can also give them company when they want to spend time quietly at home. It is better that you offer support to them for several months following their loss and give them the faith that you are always there.
How do I know if my grieving friend needs professional help?
You may wonder if your grieving friend needs professional help. Many times people mistake someone in depression, someone as angry, as needing professional help and know those are natural responses. There's other times when you may feel like they've been angry for too long, or this feels more like rage, or they're isolating, or the depression feels uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to use your instincts and suggest a bereavement group for them, or that they do seek out professional help. You are their friend and it's important that you let them know that you're worried about them because you don't see them leaving the house anymore, or not interacting with people the way they used to. Nothing's going to be the way it was, but people should still have some involvement in the activities of daily living.
How do I encourage my grieving friend to get help?
I think sometimes we make a mistake if we feel like our friend may need help, to tell them they are grieving wrong. Really, if you're concerned about your friend, let them know your feelings that "I see you in a lot of pain and I'm afraid that this is more than you can handle on your own." and "Would you please be willing to seek out some professional help just to double check that you're on the right path?" But talk about how it's making you uncomfortable, not that they're doing it wrong.
