How Guys Think About Fatherhood

How do guys really feel about being a father?

Some guys love to be a father, some guys it scares the hell out of. You know, a friend of mine wanted a kid so badly that he couldn't wait for the kid to come out, he loves being a dad. You know, other guys want to be a dad 'cause their dad was bad. Other guys, it scares them, scares them to death, and those guys it scares to death, they find out why it scares them to death. Communication is the key to really finding out whether or not somebody's going to be a good dad or a bad dad.

Should I be the one to bring up having a baby?

Every woman I have gone out with the basically within the first two dates, had told me that they want children, and I have the same answer that I always give people all the time. If I ever hit that point, you know in my life, with a women, that I felt head over heels in love with and a higher level than I've ever been, then I'd be open to kids. And I, you know I had this conversation with women in the first, second dates. So, you canpretty much figure out, when somebody wants kids. They just don't want to hear, and they don't want to picture themselves in the minivan six months down the road.

How soon in the relationship should I start talking about having kids with a guy?

Usually, in the first week or two of a relationship, you know whether a guy wants kids. OK? I need to believe. OK? You don't need to ask him how many kids. I would like the relationship to be on very solid ground, meaning you're spending every night together, you're in love, you know it's going somewhere. Then you can just say, "Wow. I'd really love to have kids with you." You've got to really have an amazing foundation in your relationship to start really talking about the amount of children you want and how you want your family to be. Otherwise you're just talking to some guy that you're not really quite sure about. So it's not really good to sit there and talk about kids on date number one.

Can I change my guy's mind if he says he never wants kids?

Yes you can, you have got to be willing to go down that road and that road may not have the outcome that you want. So if you fall for some guy, you absolutely fall in love with him, you think that he is the greatest guy in the entire world and you have known all along that you may or may not want kids, its up to you to decide whether or not you want to invest in him at that time. My friend is fifty years old and never wanted kids, now he is having a kid. The mind could be changed it just depends on where you're at and how much time you want to put up.

Does a guy look at his wife differently after she's had children?

It depends on how you look at things differently after a child. He still wants to look at you as a sexual, amazing woman, but the fact is if you just became the mother and you start mothering him, which a lot of women do, they start mothering the husband and the babies, oh yeah, then he's going to look at you a lot differently. You need to be able to separate babying states. You need to separate the baby from the husband. There's baby time, there's husband time. Husband time, husband still needs to be nurtured, loved, husband still needs the great sex with you, and he still needs to know that it's a different life with a baby. You need to have your very separate lives, yet your same life.

What do guys see as their primary role in a family?

Some men are mister mom. Men want to be the strength. Men want to be the dad. Men want to be the coach of the kids' baseball games. Men want to be that strong father that the kids rely upon. Men want to be the rock that they lean on. That's what men want to be in the family. They want to be the father.

How do my guy and I agree on how to raise kids?

You have the discussion before you have kids. It is called a discussion. He may want to raise the kids one way, you may want to raise the kids another way. These are things you need to find out, as you are getting closer and closer in dating. When you know you want to marry that guy, you better start talking about how you want to raise kids, because if you are waiting until after you are married, and you are pregnant, then you find out that he wants to raise kids in an entirely different way that you did, then basically you really conducted a relationship based on lies. So when you are in that relationship and you have talked about getting married to each other, which couples will do, because they will feel it out, men will feel that out, say 'God, I want to marry you one day," well, find out how he wants to raise kids, get this out in the open, before you say 'I do.'

Are guys more likely to spoil kids?

Some men spoil kids and some men are drill sergeants, the kids has to earn every little penny. So there is no guarantee that your going to get the guy that spoils the kids or the guys that is the drill sergeant. If a guy spoils you, he'll probably spoil the kids. If a guy is generous to everybody, he'll be generous to his kid. If the guy is cheap with himself and cheap with everybody else, he's not going to be generous with the kids.

What kind of pressures do guys put on their children?

Not everybody's the exact same. Some people allow their kids to be everything that they're not. Some fathers want their kids to be anything they choose to be, while other fathers, who are very heavy-duty professionals, like lawyers and doctors, want their kid to be a lawyer. Some fathers want their kids to take over the family business when they're one year old. So it just depends on the way the guy's wired. Everybody's different.