How To Answer Questions From Your Kids
How do I give an age appropriate answer to my child's questions?
Often, parents will say, "Dr Sophie, what do you mean by age appropriate?” It's tough, but I don't want you to feel that you need to walk around with an encyclopaedia or that you have got to run to the Internet to try to look something up. I want you to be able to know that you have one tool that you can honestly use no matter what. For example, Johnny says to you “why is the sky blue?” You're not really sure what to say and where to go, so ask back “well, honey, why do you think the sky is blue?” You'll get an answer back that will at least give you the idea and the context of where your child is at, and then you can go forward.
How do I answer a question that stumps me?
When your child asks you a question that you don't know the answer to or you feel stumped, it's interesting to take a step back and try and figure out what it is inside of you that's blocking. Do you not know the actual answer which will allow you to go down the track with your child? For example, say "let's go figure out how electricity works because I'm not really sure". It's a great experience to bond together. It may be a question such as "Mommy, why do you look so sad?". You may say to yourself "Hmm, I guess I have got to figure that out inside of myself because I'm not free to answer that" and then move on with the answer. But in general, if you're stumped, and you really don't know the answer, you don't know if it's about you or a lack of knowledge, put it back onto your child and say "Why do you think I look sad today Johnny?" or "Why you think electricity works the way it works?".
How do I answer a question that embarrasses me?
In answering a question that embarrasses you, it's best to be honest. But it's also best to let your child know that maybe this is something you would want to discuss in private. For example, "Mommy, Daddy, where does Tingle come from?" It's probably not going to be asked of you in the most appropriate place, so you're going to say, "You know what, sweetheart, that's a question that we'll ask and we'll answer in privacy when we get home. But I will find you the answer."
How do I stop why questions?
It's a very easy thing to do. Ninety-nine percent of the time children are asking these questions because of the developmental place that they are in, and they want to understand all that they can understand. You want to really be sure though that it is not an attention seeking behavior on your child's behalf to engage with you. If your child does need that time with you, they are going to keep engaging like that. If you get to a point where you really would like to put a stop to it and you want to be kind and you want to be loving, the best thing to do is to say, "Honey, Why do you think?" Why do you think the sky is purple? Why do you think it rain today?" You want to try and put it back on to them. Then, you can really assess what it is they want to know. If it is really attention seeking, it is probably going to stop right there. If it really is an inquisition as to why the weather is the way it is, then they are going to give you back the feedback of where they're coming from. Then you can start a dialog.
How do I answer a 2-4 year old's questions about babies?
When a two year old is asking a question about babies, it's important to know your child who's two, which is different than your neighbor's child who's two, because everyone is different and they develop differently on cognitive and intellectual ways. You're going to try to know your child and answer, but in general, two year olds really do a lot more without language. They can perceive it better, so it's like you want to describe a cup of coffee without using words. You want to use symbols, you want to draw it out for them, so those are the ways you want to describe a baby to them. It's focused on the baby coming and not the actual process. It's not a lot of language. It's a lot of symbols, and a lot of drawing and those kind of things. Non-language ways. If you have an older child, like in the 4 to 7 year age range, you're going to really want to do more language. They can understand a little bit more concepts, so you might want to draw to show them, and you may want to talk to them. Whatever the stage you're child is at, is really how you're going to describe it, but for the 2 to 4 year age of child, you're going to use less language because they're not going to really get the language. The language that they do use is egocentric, it's really about them. The 4 to 7 year olds are much more able to use language that doesn't apply to them. They can look at a concept and use their language. Two year olds are really all about me. The language you use is how I got there, so if you do use language, it's "you were brought into the world this way", or "babies like you were brought in like this". It's best to do it that way, with language, and then draw on it if you can.
How do I answer a 4-7 year old's questions about babies?
When a 4 to 7 year old will ask you about "Mommy, how did a baby get here?" or "How did I get here?", you can have much more of a dialogue than you did with your younger child. You can say, "Honey, the way you got here is through mommy's body. You were brought in through mommy's tummy, you came out, we caught you with the nurse and the doctor, we wrapped you in a blanket and we started to feed you and we've loved you ever since 'cause mommy and daddy wanted to have a baby". How the baby is actually made, is something that we can explain to you as you get older and is very complicated and it's confusing, so right now it's just important to know that we love each other, God gave you us through mommy's tummy.
