How To Ease Your Guilt After Ending Your Affair

How can I ease my guilt after ending my affair?

Usually when we have an affair, there's a bond there. It doesn't matter really either whether it's a cyber affair, an emotional affair, or definitely with a physical affair; you've gotten close to somebody. There's going to be withdrawal; you're going to feel sad because there's a vacuum there. You were expressing all of this emotion and love and contact and 'pffft'. Now there's none. So, it is appropriate and unfortunate you're going to feel sad, you're going to feel depressed, you're grieving, and you're going through loss. You're going to be going through a lot of feelings beside sadness; you're going to be feeling some anger, you're going to be feeling angry that you had to end the affair, you're going to be angry at your spouse if you've been busted, and you're going to be angry that you can't have everything, your cake and eat it too. You're going to be sad because you're going to be missing whatever that person filled in you. It's time to understand that you got yourself in this mess; you're going to have feelings, they're natural. You're going to have to feel the feelings. Maybe do some writing about them. Try to connect with your partner as much as you can. Certain feelings, especially ones about being sad about your loss, you're probably not going to be able to share with your partner. Talk to some friends, go to a therapist, talk to your spiritual leader, your pastor, or your priest. Get the feelings out, understand that they're natural. They will pass. You've also got to move on beyond the affair and this is the step to take. Feel the feelings and move on. Of course you feel guilty, you messed up. You have created this havoc. There may be a reason why you were drawn to go outside of your relationship to get your needs met. Guilt's a natural by-product. Of course you feel guilty, and what you can do with the guilt is take actions to make amends with your partner. Take your guilt and rather than going mea culpa, mea culpa, with the knife, try to turn it into love, "I'm so sorry. I love you. I feel awful". Truthfully, your partner wants to know you feel awful. It's good you feel awful, that you feel guilty, and that you want to make amends. Be prepared to make amends. Make amends by being an open book, by answering your partners questions, by recognising that you've hurt your partner and that your partner is going to need a lot of proof that you're really coming back home before they're going to trust you again. Guilt is actually in this case a good motivator for taking action towards your partner. Don't close up in it and feel sorry for yourself; let your partner know how bad you feel and make amends. Find out what they need, and what you can do to change the situation; to make the situation better.