How To Get Your Teenager To Talk To You

How can I get my teenager to talk to me?

If you have a teenager that has become sullen and won't talk and withdrawn and only wants to be with their friends and won't share what's going on with their lives, it's a real concern. Often, the parents in my classes that have that situation can correct it quite quickly, if they shift to statement sentences, if they let the child know how much they love them, and if they eliminate this threat of punishing them. If what takes the place of punishing children and smacking them and chastising them and withdrawing their privilieges and all of that, is actually solving the problem. The latter is drama and kids just turn off of it because they know you don't have the power over them that they, you used to when they were little, so they're not gonna go with that. But teenagers desperately want to be able to communicate with their parents and solve problems together and share what's going on because many times they're in over their heads. And if they don't have a viable resource at home to talk stuff out with, well they're being influenced, they've tried stuff, and there's, you know, it's kind of scary. They need to talk to their parents. So parents really need to keep that communication open. Respect, unconditional love, no matter what you do I'm going to love you, that doesn't mean I can't get mad at you, but I'm gonna love you, and 'I' statements and receptive listening, and that participation, commitment, agreements. You know, kids are used to solving problems with their parents. It just, you don't, you rarely have those kind's of problems. Just doesn't happen.