If You Cheated And It's Over

agape4u2

Been married 35 yrs, always trusted my husband 100%. Overall, we have a good marriage and he's been fine husband. He too has not no complaints about me either - we do check in with one another about these things. Two years ago my husband wanted to pursue his dream of a music career. I took on extra work so he could devote himself full time to his music. About 1yr into this I started to feel a distance with him - but wrote it off to my working long hours to support his music. Then about 3 months ago I became suspicious about how he was spending his time. He was out 3-4 nights weekly and started attending events on weekends as well. So I looked at his emails - never did that before. I was shocked. He was flirty with about 2 gals that he did music with. Then he asked me to attend an event and I saw him kiss a gal on the lips as a greeting. This is NOT something we do. When I confronted him with the kiss thing he said that's just what this music culture is like. I agree that many are like that, but many aren't. So I asked why couldn't he be part of those who aren't? I also confronted him with his inappropriate emails and he could see that he crossed the line with some of his words and teasing - but claims he had no end in mind. Yet he asked one of the gals to go to a camp out with him for a 3-day music festival. The most painful part about all this is the deception. He never told me about these gals, that he was having lunch with them separately, alone drinking wine and then practicing. I believe the distance I felt was that he was that he was sharing his emotions with these gals and didn't need to with me. Although he apologized, and stopped going to the 6 yr weekly meeting with these gals, and admitted that he shouldn't have flirted but thought it was all innocent fun; he doesn't really think he did anything wrong. He's sorry that it hurt me, but he does not feel guilty about it. Meanwhile, I feel so terribly betrayed and can't trust him. He is accusing me of overreacting. I'm telling him that when you offer to "work on" another woman's back (one gal had a sore back), that I'm not over reacting but that he is in denial. I don't feel like we are going to make any progress when I believe he's been in emotional affairs. Oh, forgot to mention that he averaged 120 txt msg monthly over the past 14 months with these gals. Have no idea what they've been talking about. To top it all off, our 35th anniversary came and went and he made no plans to do anything special, not even a card - very painful. He does not want me asking him anymore questions feeling that he has thoroughly explained everything and it only hurts us both to go over the same things again and again. To me, I feel like I get indecisive answers to my questions; like, "I think so", I'm not sure", "Perhaps that's true", "I don't know why I did that", etc. He agreed to go to counseling, but when the counselors told him that he was in denial and needed to face what he had done, he did not want to go back saying that he felt like it was "3 against 1". So what can be done to help us progress?

Batts

I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 yrs over with an ex because we were on separation and i just thoght i lost her but she came around and forgv m.After we settled our issue and everything was goin well she discovered and now she left me for good.I dnt know what 2 do because Im so in love with her

oursong64

thank u!!! i cheated on my boyfriend with his brother. he hates me now. god.

happyday

thank you, this is such a great site.