In-Laws
What can I do if my in-laws don't like me?
It's really important, no matter what, to treat your in-laws with kindness and respect. It's an act of love that you're giving your partner. Let's say your in-laws are just cruel and disrespectful. It's time to sit down with your partner and tell him or her how you feel and what you need from them. They may need to intercede and tell their parents back off. This is family, you're married and you're going to have to learn how to live with each other. Your in-laws are going to have to learn how to back off a little bit, and you're going to have to learn how to love them for who they are.
What should we do if we don't like our in-laws?
Unfortunately, it's all too common that we marry a partner we like and love, but we're not so crazy about the in-laws. What do we do? If you are in the situation of not liking somebody, understand that the one you're hurting the most is yourself. Resentment hurts you much more than it's hurting them. It's also putting a separation between you and your partner. One important thing is to start looking and focusing on what you do like about your in-laws versus what you don't like because nothing is 100%. There might be certain behaviors you're not crazy about, but look for those things that aren't so bad or that you do like. Chances are, if you start focusing on what you do like, you're going to see more and more of that.
How do I get my spouse to stop listening to their parents and start listening to me?
Sometimes in marriage it's hard to stop listening to our parents. If either one of you seems to be listening to your parents more than you are listening to each other, it's time to grow up and cut the apron strings, which might be the hardest thing to do, but it is time to make your marriage come first. It's time to break away from that family of origin and come home to your new family. There are ways that you can do this. You need to sit down together and say, "We're a team here. Our decisions are what will be running the marriage. "You need to tell the partner who is listening to their parents, "Come home to me, it's time for us. It's time for you and I to be building this relationship together." Then start the building process. Talk about what it is you need, what it is you want, and how the two of you can be the captains of your ship, without in-laws getting in the way.
What's the best way to cope with interfering in-laws?
The best way to confront interfering in-laws without hurting them or making them angry, is first to decide that the two of you are a team working together in a marriage and together use this technique. It's called the Oreo cookie. You start with a positive. When you talk to your in-laws, first you tell them how much you appreciate their love and their good intentions. Then you fill it in with the change that you want. "However, we would like you not to come by without calling first." Then you finish it with a compliment, giving them the attention, the love that they are probably desiring. "We respect your opinion. We love that you want to spend time with us. We just need this change." Using the Oreo cookie is a way that you can share, care and still set a limit with your in-laws.
