Introduction To American Business Etiquette

What is business etiquette, and why is it important?

American business etiquette is very different than wedding manners, social manners, or state protocol, because it really is a civilized way of treating one another so that we can get along in the business world. Remember, we have 150 cultures in today's workplace. Not only do we have 150 cultures in the workplace, we have four generations. Even in our culture, even two generations getting along is often difficult. We have Generation X coming in that seems to be very different than what we were used to. But imagine stretching out that four generations, from the 16-year-old that's new in the American workplace in a summer job, to the 20- and 30-somethings, to the nearly retired, and oftentimes people are not retiring for their own personal reasons today. So we have four generations of 150 cultures. Now, how do we get along? Where would you have that information? Where would you learn it? It doesn't exist! So, what I've done for the past 30 years or more is to put together a codified behaviour that people can use to communicate with each other, to create civility in the workplace. And that's why American business etiquette is invaluable in the workplace.

How can business etiquette work for me?

Business etiquette will work for you as the bottom line is you'll feel more confident, and when we feel more confident then we have a parameter from which to work and we can get away with a lot. I always say I get away with a lot because I know what the rules are, but I'm also funny, I'm a little irreverent sometimes, I have a good time, and the reason I can have a good time is because I can relax as long as I know what my boundaries are I get away with a lot. I do tell jokes and do things that most people think Id never do, but I would never take a pot shot at any group or ethnicity or gender, but I do get to tell jokes and have a good time and a sense of humour and when people think you're relaxed, they think you have more self confidence, so business etiquette makes you looked relaxed.

Are there etiquette rules about how women should be treated in business?

I have some rules about etiquette for women in business, that I think are fairly important, at least, they are to me. When a woman makes a suggestion in business, don't interrupt her. It's often hard for women to speak in meetings, and in board meetings. It's etiquette to give her the privilege of listening to her until she finishes her thought. And don't trump her with a masculine, loud voice. If a woman does a good job in business, don't reward her with more work. Reward her with promotion, with the permission to have more authority, and, of course, with income. I think that's important for women in business today. If a woman is shy about speaking up in a meeting, call on her, and ask what she thinks. I think that's very nice. It's also very polite, with women in business, not to expect her to do the clean-up just because she's a woman, after a business meeting. Gentlemen, pick up your coffee cups, and police your own area, so that you can clean up after yourself. I'd also like to suggest that you assume that a woman is as competent as a man, when given a task. Don't assume, just because she's a woman, that she doesn't have the energy to do the task. Id also like to say -- maybe this is a sensitive issue with me because of my own age -- that women are turning gray. Their hair is turning gray in the workplace. It's all right if a woman's gray in the workplace. Now, in the fifties, and sixties, and even seventies women that had gray hair were considered less competent than a man, because they assumed that because of their age, they didn't have the energy to get the job done. Women are going gray every day in the workplace. Just because she's got gray hair, gentlemen, doesn't mean that she cant do the job. Consider these etiquette rules when interacting with a woman in the workplace.

Are there etiquette rules for how women should behave in business?

I think boundaries are important with etiquette rules for how women should behave in business. I think we need to speak up more, Say yes and no more, both of those, instead of thinking we'll do things, and then resenting it. It's also been my own research that we've done over the years, that if a woman is in a board room meeting, and there's a big fight in the board room, the men have a way of going to lunch, and just forgetting about it. Whereas if there's a woman in the room, and she gets in a fight with the guys, she doesn't always want to go to lunch. I think women need to bounce back a little faster. I think we need to be a little stronger, and if we're going to play with the big boys, we need to fit into the workplace a little more coherently, and not get our feelings hurt quite as much. So, in terms of boundaries, I think we need to be very clear about what our boundaries are, but there's a line that women cross, about being tough. That still bothers me. I think we can be strong, but still be compassionate in the workplace, without being considered a "tough gal", and have some fun and relax. We just haven't gotten there yet. It takes a while for the pendulum to swing, and we're still working on it. I do think women need to stand up and be given more authority, so they can assign more work to others, and that's going to take a while. We're getting there, slowly, but were not there yet in terms of etiquette for how women should behave in business.

Is there a place for feelings in business?

Is there a place for feelings in the workplace? It's a complicated question. I feel for things very deeply but no one would ever know it. Sun Tzu says, 'Keep your enemies close', and I believe that. I know many people who don't know that I dislike them and don't know that I don't like their work or professionalism or their reputation. I hear things because I sign corporate confidentiality agreements all the time about what's going on. I don't have to like people and show my feelings. I need to treat people with respect and that's what the workplace needs; for all people to be treated with respect regardless of how people judge you. We hire employees and people show up, that's the old adage and that's the truth of business today. But I treat everyone with respect because I have to hold myself to account, I am the one who has to put my lipstick on in the morning, and Id never get caught below the bar of professionalism with anyone.

When can feelings become problematic in business?

Feelings can indeed become problematic in business. Tears are inevitable in the workplace as work is frustrating, and by nature it's high energy. We create eight and a half hours of very focused energy on one target each day. And if those target goals are missed, it creates high stress in the workplace. Therefore tears are common in the workplace. However I think resentments are more common, and resentments really breed antagonism and hostility, and one of the biggest problems I see today in the office is a new thing called 'workplace bullying', where people in positions of authority target someone and pick on them. This is a clear example of when feelings become problematic in the workplace.

Is etiquette a short-cut to developing business relationships?

Etiquette can help in developing a business relationship. We have an impression that we should have immediate repartee ,and it should be nano-second repartee and trust, as people aren't willing to spend the time it takes to create trust in the workplace. We're busy and business etiquette is vital to creating trust and repartee. I work a lot with private wealth management groups and major banks and to teach people how to deal with people that have between five and twenty million dollars and it's interesting because it takes time to develop trust. You cant walk into someone's office with great wealth and say here's who I am and here's what I can do for you. You just can't do that. You need to do your homework, so you need to find out what their hot buttons are and what sports teams they like. Discover if they like to sail, if they're golfers or if they like to travel. What is it that interests them? Then speak to them on their interest to create that trust. That same things true in human relationships. Therefore etiquette is truly helpful in developing business relationships.

How can etiquette help my business?

Etiquette will help your business greatly. For example, I will drive farther, and pay more, to a dry cleaner because they know my name, and they do a good job. Actually they do as good a job as my local dry cleaner, but I will drive further and pay more because I like the service. People are willing to go out of their way today, because there's so many dry cleaners, and there's so many choices in general today, that we will go somewhere where they give us personal service. That is the case, and that's the competitive business edge today. Service is primary, but if you don't know basic skills and etiquette to deliver that service, then your business has no chance. I was in a position recently to make a purchase, and I didn't like the salesperson so I turned and walked out of the store, and went down the block, and bought a product that I was quite happy with, just because I didn't like the salesperson. Now, that's not uncommon today, we listen with our gut as the American consumer is very savvy, and if they like the atmosphere of a store, and it has good vibes, or the products are good and they're well-priced, oftentimes it comes down to what kind of service they get, or even what music they're listening to in the store. Thus etiquette can help you business in so many ways, you just have to be aware of them.

What is the etiquette of using first names in the business world?

With etiquette of using first names in the business world, if it's a senior executive in your company, and you've just been employed, Id recommend you saying, "Mr. Jones". If Mr. Jones wants you to call him by his first name within the business world he'll invite you. If the retired person that's on your campus, or a customer is there, and they want you to call them by their first name after you've used their "Mr." title, they'll ask you. If not, continue to use Mr. Jones or Mr. Brown in the business world, instead of using first names.

What does it mean to be 'in rapport' with another person in a business setting?

To be in rapport with someone in a business setting means that you're relaxed and they're relaxed and you agree to see eye-to-eye. Even if you disagree, you're willing to hear both sides of an argument within a business setting. But it's an indescribable emotion actually, it's a feeling for me. If I'm in rapport with someone within a business setting, I like them and I think they like me and it's comfortable for me. I couldn't work with someone closely every day in a business setting that I didn't have rapport with. The number one reason people leave jobs, is because they're not leaving the company, they're leaving their boss. Because they don't have that rapport and often times I have to say, I blame the boss for not being a good manager and not knowing how to pull that talent out of a talent. Pull that talent out of that individual and encourage and reward them with the behaviours, and ignore the rest. Learn how to give them compliments and how to encourage them to work not for the company, but for them which creates productivity for that boss.