Learn To Love Your Single Status
What does every single person need?
Every single person needs something or someone that they really care about, something in their life that they are passionate about doing, or people they really care about or both. In other words, something that engages you. It may be a big cause like social justice or scientific discovery, or it could be adventure or seeing what you can do or how much of a difference you can make. It's something that grabs you and speaks to who you really are or what you want to do.
How is the single life different financially?
How do I make my home environment comforting while I'm single?
Why is looking my best important while I'm single?
I sometimes hear people on TV or on the radio giving tips, "Oh, if you're a single woman you should wear a skirt because men like that." What nonsense, I don't even own a skirt. You should dress and look the way that reflects who you really are. You don't have someone saying "Oh, you're going to wear that." You can be the person you want to be and not the person that somebody is telling you to be.
How can I go out alone without feeling self-conscious?
Many people think, "Oh, I would feel so self conscious to go out in public, in a restaurant, in a bar, anywhere by myself." I actually did a series of studies with my colleagues and we created these pictures of people who were in restaurants either as couples or alone, and we showed the pictures to hundreds of other people and said “what do you think of this person?” We thought when they saw a person dining alone that they'd say “oh, that poor person, they don't have any friends, they got stood up”, and a few people said that, but just as often or more often said “oh, she just wanted to have some time to herself to think "Or “Her friends were busy that night and she just went out on her own” or “he wanted time to himself, he had a stressful long day and he just wanted to sit there and think.” Instead of what we expect other people to think of us that, oh what poor pathetic thing that we got stood up, or we don't have any friends. Instead, a lot of people are thinking "oh, I wish that were me", and especially the ones who are there with kids who are dumping water on the ground and splattering things and making noise. They are looking at you sitting there in peace and thinking "oh, I wish that were me", or there are some people who do think they could never do that and they look at you and think, "wow, that is wonderful that she can do that."
How does being single affect my career?
Being single can affect your career, especially for men. People still have this stereotype that married men are the stable, committed workers, and single men aren't. And, they often pay single men less than married men, even if single men are doing the exact same work just as competently. Also, both single men and single women have less access to benefits. So, a married person can put their spouse on their healthcare plan at a discounted rate. But, a single person can't put their best friend, or a nephew, or someone important to them on this plan. No one can put them on their healthcare plan. Then, there are all of these ordinary, everyday things in the workplace in which single people are put upon by their married colleagues. So, married colleagues often think, you don't have a life. You can cover the holidays. You can do the travel no one wants. You can stay late when nobody else wants to. So, as a single person, you need to be careful that you're not always the one who covers for everyone else. And, I think the way to do that is not to say, no, I won't do it. But, instead, make sure it's more even. So, you can agree to cover for your colleague this week. And then, they can cover for you the next week.
How can I create a fulfilling social life as a single person?
Most people think singles are lonely and that they don't have anyone. In fact, the opposite is often true. As a single person, you can become friends with the people that you care about, the people you are compatible with and you enjoy being with, and the way that is different from couples, especially the couples who do all their socializing in twos, is that sometimes when a couple goes out with another couple they really only like one of the other persons and the other one is just attached as a spouse. Whereas when you're single, you can create friendships with the people you actually do want to be with and you can nurture those friendships. You can pay attention to the people that you care about without having to say, "oh, let me see what my spouse thinks" or "let me see if we're busy this weekend." You have your own life, and so you can pay attention to your friends, to your extended family, to neighbors, to colleagues, to mentors, to the people in your life who are important. Something that just got published in the past year is a set of sociology studies that found that if you look at people's connections to friends, neighbors, parents, and siblings, it's single people who are more connective and more likely to be there to help them, and to be involved in their lives than are people who are married or even previously married. It's exactly the opposite of the stereotype of the single person as isolated, and alone and lonely. It's the single people more so than the married people who are creating connections in society.
