Losing A Husband Or Wife
What are common emotions after losing a spouse?
Common emotions after losing a spouse are certainly all the stages. These can include the denial that this could be happening, the anger that the person most important to you is gone, the bargaining to try to get them back, and the depression that the loved one is no longer with you. The acceptance can be very hard to find when it's that person that you've spent so much time with. So, you're going to have many different emotions, which can sometimes include physical symptoms. You may just get more colds and flu's, or just feel really worn out. Dealing with the loss of a spouse is one of the hardest losses that we go through in life.
Are there support groups that will help me cope with the loss of my spouse?
There are many bereavement groups that specialize in groups that are dealing with losses relating to a spouse. Call your local hospice or bereavement center to see if they have groups especially for widows or widowers.
How do I talk to my children about the death of their parent?
When talking to children about the death of a parent, they may have many questions. You want to answer those questions honestly in an age appropriate fashion. You want to reassure them that you are there to take care of them, that this has been an unbelievable, significant loss in their life but that their life is going to continue and that you will be there to help them through their hard times. Tell them that they may have questions later on that they don't have today, and that you are always available for those questions. Most importantly, share your feelings about the loss and if you can, don't make them feel like there is a wrong question or that they shouldn't be bringing up this subject.
Are there bereavement groups we can attend as a family?
After the death, how do I get myself and my family through the holidays?
After a death, you may find it very hard to go through the holidays, especially in terms of the family. For your family, they need to know that holidays are still very important. If your kids are old enough, sometimes people do cancel the holidays. We don't suggest that with younger kids. With younger kids, they really need the stability of the holidays. Reassure them that the holidays are going to happen as usual. Incorporate the loss into the holidays. You might light a special candle for the person who's died. You might say a prayer for your loved one. You want the kids to know that the holidays aren't happening, and everyone's happy as if nothing happened. You also want them to know that they're still loved, there's still presents at Christmas, there's still turkey at Thanksgiving, and that life does continue.
After the death, how do I handle anniversaries without my spouse?
The first thing to remember about handling anniversaries without your spouse, is to acknowledge that the anniversary still exists. So if you can, whether it's talking about it with a friend, getting a group of friends together to talk about your loved one, or watching a movie that you two enjoyed together, just know that anniversary is still real and still meaningful to you. Also many people are afraid to call someone in grief on an anniversary and they are afraid that they will upset the person; but I always encourage people to make that call because we all want to know on our anniversaries, our birthdays, our special days, that people still remember our loved ones and our anniversaries. If your mother or father has lost a spouse call them and talk to them about their anniversary.
After the death, how long should I wait to begin dating again?
The idea of dating again is different for everyone, and it's also very dependent upon your age. Some people may feel like they're never going to date again and don't. There are others who might just feel that way, but eventually go on to date again. It's different for everyone. You have to ask yourself when the time is right. Some people aren't clear when the time is right, and you may just try it again and you will know very quickly if it's too soon. Just do what's right within your family, within your religion, and within your belief system. Do what's right for you, and don't listen to the pressures of society. There also are times when people may feel like this would be a betrayal to their loved one. Sometimes it even necessitates someone asking their loved one in their heart for permission, or even going to the graveside and asking for permission to love again.
After the death, how do I help my kids cope if I decide to remarry?
If you do decide to remarry, it's important that you help your kids cope with this concept that will be very foreign to them. For them, they are going to just want to not feel like their mother or father can ever be replaced. If you can, let them know that there is no way anyone else can be that person again. This may be a new companion to you but it is not a new mother or new father to them. If your partner is willing to have those talks, to say how much they honor the idea of your children's mother and father and they would never want to take their place, that can be very helpful.
Are there ways we can memorialize my spouse at home?
There's ways to memorialize your spouse at home, such as having pictures around, having things around that are a part of their life. You may find in time that things increase and decrease, you may feel like at times you want more pictures out, and you may want more things out to remind you. In time that may begin to decrease. It's a very individual thing, but just know your loved one was a part of your home and will probably remain a part of your home in some way.
