Myths About Singles
What are common misconceptions about single people?
People think that single people are miserable, lonely and their life is tragic. They think they're so centered and immature and have nothing to do with their time. They think they're interested in just one thing: getting coupled.
What are common misconceptions about single women?
Single women are told that, even if they have a job that they love, their job won't love them back. Or they're told that if they wait too long, their eggs will dry up and they'll never be able to have kids. Or they're told, "oh, you're promiscuous". Or if it's clear you're not promiscuous, then it's like, "oh, your poor thing, you don't get any!"
What are common misconceptions about single men?
Single men are seen as horny, slovenly, irresponsible, the dangerous criminals of society. Or, if it's clear that they're not any of those things, then they'll say "oh, this is a single man who's sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay."
What are common misconceptions about single parents?
Single parents are mostly targeted about their children. You are warned that if you raise your children as a single parent, they are going to be doomed. They will be drug addicts, and juvenile delinquents, and drop out of school. None of those things are true to any great extent. They are just grossly exaggerated myths.
How does the media affect people's perceptions on being single?
If you were to just go by the popular media, like television and magazines, you would think that all single people are totally pre-occupied with getting married, and that there's nothing more important than that wedding day. So, if you consider all of the reality television shows, where all of these people are competing for the affections of just one other person, or all of the dramas on television, they all build up to this wedding episode. However, that's not what people's real lives are like as a single people. They're doing lots of things with their lives. And, many of them are never getting married, or they're not getting married for a long time. So, I think the media totally mis-represents the place of marriage and coupling in our lives. You see this perspective even in advertising, so start paying attention next time you watch advertisements on television or in magazines. Now, it's not surprising that a catering company, a ring company, or jewelry businesses would use wedding things in their ads. But, I've seen ads for motor oil that feature brides. What's that about? There are brides and wedding scenes in so many different ads. It's like they think that brides are like fairy dust, and you sprinkle them on your product and they instantly sell. And, it's just mis-representing the way we really lead our lives.
Did 'Sex and the City' portray singles accurately?
Sex and the City' had so much possibility. Here were these four single women who had great jobs and were not passive at all. They went after what they wanted, and most importantly they had this wonderful friendship with each other. No matter what happened in their lives, they'd end up together going over it and being there for each other. Then, at the end of the show, they ended up as four cooing couples. It was such a let-down. It really misrepresented singles and it betrayed the heart of the show.
Are married people happier than single people?
This is one of the biggest myths about marriage and singlehood - that getting married makes you happy. You will see this everywhere and yet there is this great research that is being done on this that has followed people for more than 18 years and asks them every year thousands of people, “How happy are you?” Well, if you follow those people as they are single and then, some of them get married, when they get married, during that year of the wedding they will report a little bit more happiness, but then they go back to being as happy or as unhappy as they were before. So, marriage didn't make them happier and what is even more interesting is the people who have that honeymoon blip they are only the ones who married and stay married during the entire time of the study. People who got married and then got divorced when they were approaching the year of their wedding they were actually becoming a little less happy. So the idea that if only you get married you'll get happy and if you stay single, you will be miserable is just totally wrong.
Are married people healthier than single people?
You know, that's the same thing. People think “Get married, be healthy”, but in fact, if you look at people over the long term, getting married has very little implications for how healthy you are. Now getting unmarried, like getting divorced or widowed, that could have for some people, some initial bad effects on health. But for some people it's actually better, because if you're in a very conflicting relationship and you have all this stress and anxiety, and then you get out of it, you can actually feel a lot healthier and be a lot healthier. So again, just like with happiness, getting married does not make you lastingly healthier. It's just a myth.
Do single people have shorter lives?
Another myth about marriage is that if you get married, you'll live longer. However, in fact, the longest running study I know of, that was started in the early 1900s, and these people were followed throughout their entire lives, has found that the people who live the longest were the people who stayed single their entire life, or the ones who stayed married. The ones who go in and out of marriage are the ones who have the shorter lives. It's not about being married. It's about being consistent.