Online Dating Basics
Is online dating more dangerous than traditional dating?
As coaches, we tell our clients that we feel that online dating is very safe. Why? Because the Internet is us. You, me, someone you meet at a bar, someone you meet at church. There are good people in the world and bad people in the world. The Internet is us. If you're a smart person, you'll be able to figure out who are the good people and who are the bad people. Think of the situation of Scott Peterson. Scott Peterson was a set up with a single woman, Amber Fry. I always tell my clients, if Amber Fry had been dating online, she would have known immediately that Scott was a married man. How? She would have taken our advice, as coaches, to forward your e-mails to friends - forward it to your female friends, forward it to the male friends - and ask what they think about it. We definitely think that online dating is actually safer than regular dating, because you have a history of e-mails, you can easily ask your friends, and you can get advice much more easily than with regular dating.
What are some advantages of online vs traditional dating?
The biggest advantage of online dating over traditional dating is that it's a numbers game. It's estimated that there are 40 million people dating online. If you live in a town like I do, Los Angeles, that's about 5 million men that are looking for love online. Even if you live in a small town, that's got to be tens of thousands of women looking for love online. There's no way that you can meet that number of people, or search or browse that number of people, with traditional dating. That's why we love online dating. It's great. Another advantage that online dating has over traditional dating is convenience. You can sit in your living room when you get in from work, or in your bedroom, and open your computer, go online and screen through the millions of people who are online to find someone who's right for you. If you were to do traditional dating, you would meet on a first date. You would go out with them and in five minutes you'd know whether you like them or not, and you'd have wasted the half-hour that it took you to get there, the time it takes you to get home, preparation, everything. Convenience is nice. You can find people, you can screen through the people who aren't right for you in from the convenience of your living room.
What are some disadvantages of online vs traditional dating?
As online dating coaches, we haven't seen many disadvantages to online dating, but we do notice that some people are still afraid of going online. They don't understand it and so there's a little bit of fear which we try to combat in our book, 'Find Your Mate Online: No Fear, No Embarrassment, Just Love'. We show you how to get past that fear and get online. With online dating, I know that embarrassment is a big issue for some people. Even though I met a wonderful man online who became my husband, I have to admit sometimes I'm a little embarrassed. Especially when my 90-year-old aunt asks, “Well, how'd you meet?” I think her head is going to spin when I say, “Well, I posted an online dating ad.” But the bottom line is that embarrassment is momentary, meanwhile I went from being alone to being happily married, so it's worth any embarrassment.
How can I be organized in my online dating search?
As online dating coaches, we tell our clients that organization is the key. Look at your computer as though it was a filing cabinet. You can create folders and you can save documents or e-mails into these folders. You can label them with the name of the website that you are on, you can label them with the names of the people that you are meeting, the people you are interested in, the people you are not interested in. Create a virtual filing cabinet on your computer using folders. Some people may not feel comfortable organizing directly on their computer and so there's nothing wrong with printing out the e-mails and using the old fashion manila folders and labeling them with the screen name of who you are interested in or have a folder with your pictures. Old fashion ways are sometimes good when organizing your online dating.
Do I have to be a computer expert to date online?
You don't have to be a computer expert to do online dating, especially if you buy our book. In addition to our book, most people have friends or know a teenager who's very adept at going online. Ask other people for help if you don't know the difference between an ISP and an IM.
How can I attract the kind of people I want to in online dating?
When I pressed in my ad online, 80 men responded, I met with five, and the fifth one's my husband Warren. What was my secret? My secret was I really sat down and thought before I wrote my personal ad. I thought about what I had to offer, and I thought about what I was looking for. When Karin and I wrote our book, 'Finding Your Mate Online', we created something we call the wish lists. What that makes you do is sit down and answer a number of questions that help you figure out what you have to offer, and what you're looking for in a mate. Once you do your wish list, you find a clarity that helps you find the people you're looking for when dating online.
How can I overcome embarrassment about online dating?
A lot of people talk to us during our online dating coaching about being embarrassed, that they don't want people to know that they're doing online dating. It's six degrees of separation. Everyone you know has either been online themselves, or knows someone who's done online dating. Embarrassment in online dating is a very common feeling, so much so that we put that word in the title of our book. As a coach I tell people, “You basically have two choices: be embarrassed and be alone, or suffer some minor embarrassment.” I've suffered some minor embarrassment; it was a long time ago because I've been happily married for three years now.