Online Dating Profiles
What makes a great screen name in online dating?
Your online dating screen name is the first thing that someone is going to learn about you, so you want to think: "Will it wow them? Will it introduce something about you? Tease something that you are going to follow up with in your online dating ad?" I will give you an example of two great screen names because that is how we met our husbands, with these screen names. Beth used ParGolfer113. I am not a golfer but Warren, her husband, was and is, so he knows that refers to her loving golf and her best golf score to date. They were a great match because they are both athletic, both love golf, and that gave them something to talk about on their first date. I was looking for someone who also valued monogamy and wanted to get married, and I used the screen name TrueBlueFem. My husband found that very interesting and wanted to know more about me, and so I attracted someone who was also interested in someone who was true blue and loyal, and we have a monogamous relationship, got married, and it is great. That is a great online dating screen name.
What makes a great online dating profile?
As online dating coaches we help a lot of people revise or create an online dating profile. The most important thing we help them with is coming up with specificity. Too many people use generalizations and cliches in their ad. What do I mean? Well, browse the ads yourself and you'll see. Everybody wants a good guy with a sense of humor. Everyone loves moonlit walks on the beach and strawberries with champagne. Everybody seems to look as good in jeans as they do in Black Tie. Once you start seeing the patterns, that's what you want to stay away from. How do you stay away from it? Look at yourself. What did you do in the past month? Those are the kinds of activities that show what you like and don't like. You may be willing to bike with your boyfriend, but if that's not something you do actively, don't put it in your profile. You want your online dating profile to reflect you; the real you.
Is it okay to exaggerate in my online dating profile?
One of the things that people are really concerned with on online dating is that everybody is a liar. People ask us when we're coaching them whether they can fib in their online profile, so think about it: if you're afraid that the people out there are lying to you, do you want to be that liar? Even if it's just a fib, do you want someone to find out on your first or second date that you lied about something in your profile? They're going to think, what else are you lying about? Ben Franklin said it best: honesty is the best policy. It's Murphy's Law, because you might think, "I'm going to shave a couple of years off my age." But, I actually met my husband, who is 5 years younger than myself, and he was looking for a monogamous serious relationship, so he was actually looking for someone that was my age, at the time 35 and not someone in their 20s. If I had lied I would have never meet him so make your life simple, look for someone who is looking exactly for you. Don't lie, be yourself.
How detailed should my online dating profile be?
When we help our online dating clients either revise or create online dating profiles, we recommend you stay at about 200 words. Online dating sites are going to be vary. Some will have questions, some provide essay opportunities, some will tell you how many words they want. But if they don't tell you, aim for about 200 words. That's about three short paragraphs - just enough to introduce some specifics about who you are, what you have to offer, and what you like to do. A lot of people, if you're like me, want to be very practical and create a very detailed online profile. Let me tell you, don't be too detailed. I created one, one time, where I thought, instead of emailing back and forth, let me put all the information about myself that someone would be interested in. The replies that I got back from men were things like, "When's the novel coming out?" The great thing is people will give you feedback and you'll know immediately if you've been too detailed, or, based upon the responses, if they ask you questions that should have been obvious, you weren't detailed enough. Play around with your online dating profile.
What are some mistakes people make in online dating profiles?
Know your online dating audience, get some help from friends from that audience and let them be your filter. If you're a woman and you're writing a profile because you're seeking a relationship with a man, why don't you bring in a friend who's a man and have them review your profile? They're going to be able to tell you whether that line you put in there is cute or cloying. You want to know your audience, get some help from friends from that audience, and let them be your filter. As a dating coach, I find that the biggest mistake that people make in their online dating profiles is letting it sit there and not getting the results that they want. I've talked to clients who'll say, "I've had my ad online for six months and nothing's happening. I'm always amazed, because why didn't you do something different? I tell people the fishing story. Recently I went fishing with my father and a professional guide, and I was really amazed that we went to a fishing spot, threw in the line and we only waited 10 minutes before we tried the new reel, before we tried new bait. If that wasn't working, we moved to a new spot. I tell my clients to think of online dating like that. If something isn't working, try a new photo, try a new screen name, rewrite the profile, or move to a new online site. Think of the fishing story and move if it's not working.
How can I tell if someone is lying in their online dating profile?
The beauty of online dating is that you correspond through email. You have an opportunity to use email to screen people and screen what they are saying to you. We recommend that you email back and forth several times. We have a tool we call the secret screener that helps you get information about some of the top deal breakers that might be important to you. You go back and forth with those emails, you refer to prior emails, you show those emails to your friends. If anything doesn't feel right, if the smallest thing suddenly in your gut doesn't feel right, that usually will help you sift through the liars, so that you end up on dates with just the honest ones.