Online Dating Terms

What is 'Internet' or 'online dating'?

Internet or online dating is not like it sounds. You don't actually date on the internet. You meet people on the internet. We think internet dating is the matchmaking for the 21st century. It's how you meet people today. Online dating is matchmaking for the 21st century and it's for busy, professional people. If you don't have time to go to a bar at five o'clock, or hope that you meet someone great at a wedding, you can date online at two in the morning, or according to your own schedule. Online dating is for busy, professional people.

What is an 'online dating profile'?

When you go online to an online dating web site, you're going to select a screen name, you're going to post a photo of yourself, and then you're going to write a description of who you are and what you're looking for. The description of who you are and what you're looking for is your online dating profile. In short, an online dating profile is what you have to offer and also what you're looking for in a mate.

What is a 'wink' in online dating?

Some of the online dating web sites let you do virtual flirting, and that's called a wink. If you see someone's profile and it's attractive to you and you might want to meet them, you'll wink at them and that's how they'll know you're interested. As coaches, we tell people not to get so involved in all the gimmicks or the technology, because it overwhelms a lot of people. Just remember it's what's in your heart, what you're looking for, and that's how you date online.

What is a 'hotlist' in online dating?

Many online dating websites offer you organizational tools. Hotlist is one of them. You can gather the profiles of people that you're interested in and put them on your hotlist. Or on some sites, they have their own hotlist, which is recommendations of people at the site.

What does 'IM' or 'IMing' mean in online dating?

IM-ing, or IM, means Instant Message. It's a way for you to talk through e-mail in real time. You can actually be online and e-mail someone and they can answer you at the same time, and you can have a conversation through e-mail. Like many of the tools in online dating, Instant Messaging or IM has upsides and downsides. One of the upsides is that you can talk in real time, so it's not that you're sending an e-mail to someone you're interested in and you're waiting - you're talking in real time. One of the downsides of IM-ing is that you don't really have an accurate way of recording that conversation. E-mails you can save and refer back to them - it's a great tool for keeping track of who you've talked to and what you've said to them.

What is 'browsing' vs 'searching' in online dating?

The difference between browsing and searching is that in browsing, you randomly go through different people's online dating profiles and you get a sense of who's on the dating site and what they're like, and what the opportunities are at that site. When you're searching, you're looking for specific characteristics that you're interested in, and you're only going to look at people who have these characteristics that you lay out. For women, if you were to go to a shoe store, and you didn't know what kind of shoes you wanted, you'd walk down every aisle - "Do I want a tennis shoe, do I want a sandal, do I want a high heel, do I want a boot?" Or, you would be going to the store because you need a pair of shoes for that wedding, for example, and they have to be light blue to match your dress, they have to have 2 inch heels, they have to have a closed toe because your mother wants you to be very formal. You'd have a specific set of parameters that you take with you to the store; that's like searching. If you're going to be walking down the aisles, that's browsing. We don't want to leave men out of the definition of browsing and searching, so for men, it's much like when you go to Home Depot, and you're going down every aisle, just loving it - that's browsing. You're just checking out everything. Searching is when you need a specific power tool, or specific paint, you put in the key word paint or power tool, and you go to that specific section.

What is a 'screen name' in online dating?

Your screen name is your online ID. When you go to an online dating website, you don't sign up using your real name; you reveal that after you've met someone you're interested in. You start with a screen name and that's your online ID. When you create a screen name, you want it to be something about you and also your desires, because your screen name is going to be the first thing that someone learns about you.

What is a 'discreet encounter' in online dating?

A discreet encounter is for people who want to meet privately, in a discreet manner, without a lot of people knowing about it. There are a number of reasons why you might want to have a discreet encounter, and for those people, some online dating websites offer that opportunity. People go online for a discreet encounter, or they go online to find their mate. As coaches, we don't judge, and that's one thing that we love about the internet: there's something for everybody online.

What is 'hiding a profile' in online dating?

In online dating, hiding a profile means that it's hidden, but not removed. For example, you meet someone and it's going really great, you want to hide your profile so you can concentrate on dating that person. You don't want it removed because maybe it won't work out and you want to be able to go easily back and date online again.

What is 'blocking a profile' in online dating?

In online dating, you might want to block your profile sometimes. That blocks your profile from individuals who you're not interested in e-mailing with any longer. Blocking your profile, as Beth said, allows you to hide your profile from certain individuals. Don't forget that you have the power in online dating. You can always just delete an e-mail if you don't want to correspond with someone.

What is 'video chatting' in online dating?

Video chatting is a lot like instant messaging but it adds a video camera, so you can e-mail in real time and actually see the other person while you're e-mailing during online dating.