Parenting Before Divorce
What do I do if I'm having problems with my marriage?
If you are having problems with your marriage, I suggest you work on it. It's very easy to go the divorce route. One of the first places to go if you are having problems with your marriage is for marriage counselling. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't. However, there are now wonderful programs. One of them is Marriage Builders. There are many other programs were people are devoted to helping people who are having difficulties with their marriages understand how to make a marriage work. And I suggest that people take advantage of those programs. If the marriage doesn't work out it's not lost because there is so much that people learn about relationships in those programs, so there is more than just the standard go to a therapist and try to get a marriage that is not working fixed. There are many options, so I would suggest not getting a divorce, and figuring out what brought you together in the first place, and what your responsibilities are now; which obviously involves children; and how you can make the marriage work, and there are many creative ways to rethink what is a healthy marriage besides just dissolve the marriage.
Why is my marriage ending in divorce?
One of the reasons that parents end up in divorce is, they never did learn the positive relationship skills of how to be in a successful relationship, at all. They never learned adequately how tto receptively listen to each other, the value of an "I" statement, the value of a win-win way of solving problems. What a lot of parents learned in their childhood was to use drama to try to solve problems but drama doesn't solve problems. Drama escalates problems. So when people have grown up without adequate relationship skills, modern skills about how to be in a positive relationship at all, like a marriage or to be a parent or even in the workplace, then they will flounder in their relationships and it is so easy to run the victim game. Look at poor me. I've done everything I should and it's their fault. What's really at fault is that they never learned how to be appropriate in relationships. They're constantly in conflict and they dont realize that the person creating the conflict is me.
