Pre-Marital Relationship Planning
How do I get my name changed?
Here's how you change your name. You can make yourself crazy running around to all kinds of different places. Or if you go online, I swear to you, just Google “name change” or “bride name change”, and you'll find a couple of different websites that have all kinds of information on that, there's a name change kit. It's easy. Your name change cannot be done until after the wedding, until after that actual legal document is signed to say that you have been married. But then you can start the process of changing your name on all those documents.
Should I get pre-martial counseling?
Pre-martial counseling is a really interesting question. I think for some couples it can be really good. What I do know is that most clergy require pre-martial counseling. What they do is they counsel the couple. You just don't go to the priest or to the rabbi and say, "We want to get married" and only meet with him one time. They generally meet you several times and it's not just to plan your wedding ceremony; it's actually pre-martial counseling. They want to talk to you about being married, about the union of marriage, and about your lives, and how you are going to do things. I think that is an absolutely wonderful thing. In my day you did not do that. Instead, you just signed up and you got married. I like what the clergy does today and the way that they work with their couples.
Can you give me any wedding planning relationship advice?
Some relationship advice for a couple throwing a wedding is, for starters, to decide how involved each of you wants to be in the planning process and who's going to do what. Sometimes, we have a bride who's very into wedding planning. She's enjoying herself tremendously planning the wedding and the groom is saying, "Just tell me what time to show up and where, and what I should wear." That's OK. Guys aren't always into it as much as the girls are. My advice to couples is to just determine how involved each of them wants to be in the wedding planning, and let it flow.
What relationship issues should be resolved by the time of my wedding?
By the time you get married, you need to resolve certain issues in your relationship, because you're forming a union, you want to make sure you're going ahead with your life in a nice, easy manner. Have you decided where you're going to live? What are you doing about finances? Are you combining and having a joint checking account? Is the bride keeping her own account? Are you changing your name after the wedding? Are you gonna hyphenate your name? What are you doing about that? I've had some brides and grooms where he has taken her last name and they've hyphenated his last name and her last name together, so that's been really interesting. The other thing you want to talk about before you get married is children, because that's something you'd better decide now.
What is a pre-nuptial agreement?
A pre-nuptial agreement is a contract, a legal document, that two people enter into prior to the marriage. The content of a pre-nuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for the division of property, should the couple divorce, and any rights to spousal support during or after the dissolution of the marriage. A pre-nuptial agreement is most often done when one partner has perhaps more financial resources than the other, and everybody wants to feel protected.
How do I get a prenuptial agreement?
A pre-nuptial agreement is a legal document and needs to be designed and drawn up by an attorney. You may use one attorney to do that, or, should it become necessary, you might each have your own attorney to work on this document.
Am I legally required to take my new husband's surname?
Once you're married, you do not have to take your husband's surname; that is not a legal requirement. You may certainly retain your own maiden name. Most couples where that happens - where the woman needs to retain her maiden name, say for professional reasons - will very often use the husbands name socially. Thus, invitations addressed to you will still come to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, even though you continue to do business as Jane Jones. In some instances, the woman may not be taking the man's name, but the man can actually take the woman's name after the wedding. Sometimes, where there's a family name that's very important, and if this is the last member of the family and it's a woman, they ask the man to take that name so that the family name doesn't die out. I've had another couple where they wanted to use both their names, so they combined them and hyphenated them, so that they used Her name-His name.