Problems At Home
How can I stop my parents from arguing?
If your parents are arguing a lot it makes home feel really uncomfortable and it can make you feel really sad and frustrated that your home life feels like that. Talking to your parents about how their arguing makes you feel is often a really good idea because they might not understand how their arguments are making you feel. So if they are the sort of parents that you can sit down and talk to and explain how you're feeling, then do that and maybe discuss with them some ways that they can stop arguing or ways that they could support you when they are not getting on so well. You can't really personally stop your parents from arguing; they're going to need to change how they behave themselves. If your conversation with them about their arguments doesn't help, it might be that you just need to get some more support for yourself or talk to family members who might be able to support them in changing how they are behaving or getting help for themselves in their relationship.
How can I ease the situation at home for my younger siblings?
Often older siblings really want to look after younger siblings. And if things at home aren't easy, or if there are particular difficulties at home, often older siblings feel really responsible, and want to keep younger siblings feeling safe and happy. But it's a lot of responsibility to take on. And if it's not feeling nice at home for your younger siblings, then it's probably also not feeling very nice at home for yourself. There's lots of things that you can do to look after younger siblings and make them feel supported and looked-after. Maybe you want to take them to your room for a bit and spend some time out with them. Take them for a walk. Go in the garden. Do things they enjoy that will take their minds off how difficult it is at home. But equally, if you're doing that for them, you need to think of yourself and make sure that you're getting your own needs met too, and that there's someone doing that for you.
My mum is ill and I do everything in the house - can I get any help?
There's a lot of help available for young carers. There are lots of young carers in this country and a lot of children and young people that need to look after their parents. It's really, really demanding looking after your parents and meeting their needs, doing all the household chores, the things that most people your age aren't expected to do. If you are a young carer and you are having to do a lot of extra things in the house to care for your parents or your siblings, it's really important that you do get help and support for yourself. Depending on where you live, there will be different organizations that can help you with that. In some areas there are things like young carers groups where you meet up and they take you around on trips and do fun things just for you. Make sure you've got enough support for yourself in the house and take you on holidays and do nice things. It depends on where you're living but there are help lines and support you can get to find out what's happening in your area and how you can get as much support as possible for yourself to make sure that you stay emotionally healthy and happy too.
My sibling is really mean to me - how can I get them to stop?
Siblings have different stages where they argue more or less than at other times and some people, who are adults now, tell stories of years and years of where they faught with their siblings and now get along really well, and some tell stories the other way around. It's really important to remember that if you're not getting along right now, and your sibling is being really mean to you, that might not always be the case. People behave badly towards other people for all sorts of different reasons, maybe your sibbling is feeling really unhappy at school, maybe their friends are being mean to them and they're being mean to you because they know they can be, they can can get away with it maybe. It's important that you don't get treated badly, so talk to your parents, talk to friends, talk to family members, and make sure that they're helping to stop your sibling behaving in ways you don't like, and get them all the support that they might need in other areas of their life. If it's too much for you then talk to someone else that can help.
My parents are always worrying about money - how can I earn some money?
It's horrible worrying about money and you've already got quite a lot on your plate at the moment. Going to school full-time is the same hours as going to a job, so effectively you are working a full day every day that you're at school. And then when you come home from school you've got things to do at home like preparing for the next day, doing homework, all sorts of different things. So ideally, right now, you wouldn't be having to worry about money or bringing in money to the house. Having said that, lots of young people do do Saturday jobs or newspaper rounds, and all sorts of odds and ends to try to get themselves some pocket money or some extra money into the house. If you really are worried that you haven't got enough money in the house to eat and make sure that you are staying healthy, it's important to sit down with your parents and discuss money, and discuss your concerns and see if you can any help from other organizations.
My parents are really strict - how can I get them to lighten up?
Parents, at the end of the day, are just people. They are your parents, but they are people in their own right. If you feel that your parents are really strict, that's tricky. You can't really change their personalities, but maybe you could sit down and have a discussion about what you're finding difficult in their behaviour. So if they're being overly strict in your mind about certain issues, maybe you should have a discussion with them about what you're finding too strict, what you'd rather was the case, some ideas you've got of them behaving differently and they may surprise you and take on board some of the things that you're saying. Often parents can be stricter with younger siblings for example, than older siblings, and sometimes having your older siblings or other siblings in that kind of discussion can help your parents to see that they haven't necessarily treated you all the same for example and they may be able to lighten up on how they behave with you, compared to how they've behaved with other siblings.
I fight constantly with my siblings - how can I stop this happening?
Different people have fights with their siblings at different stages. You might be really fighting with them now, and in years to come they might be your very best friend. Sometimes when home life is stressful or where there are other things going on you might fight more than usual because it feels like a stressful environment to be in. If you are really fighting with your sibling, then you don't necessarily have to spend all your time together--it might be for a couple of months or even a couple of years. You kind of do your own thing a bit more and just have your own group of friends and kind of steer away from each other for a while, and naturally get closer as you get older. It's important to talk through problems because you're obviously living together. There might be things that annoy you about each other, and there might be changes you can make to annoy each other less. Having open discussions with your siblings and as a family are really important about things annoying you, changes you can make. It might just be that you need a bit more space from each other for a while, because living with anybody is hard.
My parents don't understand me - how can I get them to see my point of view?
Your parents might not understand you for a variety of reasons. It might be that you're not communicating clearly with them about what it is that you need and how they'd like you to behave and how you'd like them to behave. So sit down and have a discussion with your parents about what things you're finding difficult and what changes you'd like them to make. It might also be that they've just forgotten what it's like to be your age. They might have forgotten what daily things you are struggling with and what help you might need or what it feels like to have to live with parents and siblings. If you sit down with them and really discuss the difficulties that you're having, it might remind them of how it was to be your age and some of the things that you might need, and they might be more willing than you expect to make changes in areas you need them to make changes in.
What should I do if my mum embarrasses me by acting like a teenager?
Sometimes people say their mum or dad acts like a teenager and it's really embarrassing. Some people, who we work with here, as they've got older, have said that their parents were really embarrassing because they acted like teenagers, but now they're a bit older, they actually get on with their parents far better than any of their friends get on with their parents now, because they're so young at heart, and they really grab life with both hands, and want to be involved in everything, that's really nice. If parents are doing things that really embarrass you, you need to be very specific about what it is that embarrasses you about their behavior and how you'd like it to change. If there's something that they do that you just find appalling, you should tell them what it is, and tell them to stop, and let them how it makes you feel when they do it, as they're fairly likely to change their behavior quickly and make you feel comfortable and happy.
My dad embarrasses me in front of my friends - how can I get him to stop?
If your dad is embarrassing you in front of your friends, it's important to make clear to him what it is that he's doing that embarrasses you and asking him to stop. Parents hate children or young people embarrassing them in front of their friends, and they're usually quite clear about saying how they expect you to behave. And in a way, you need as clear with your parents about how they need to behave, because making friends is quite difficult, and friends do sometimes judge you on how your family behave. And them understanding how important it is to you that they behave in a certain way that you're comfortable with is important, and they should listen to that.
How can I get more pocket money?
How much pocket money you get depends very much on your own individual circumstances and your own family and how much they've got available to give you. Some families say that you can do chores to get extra money and it might be that you do more things in the house to help and they will give you more pocket money, or you might be able to get a Saturday job or after-school job which will help you to have a little more money to yourself. So it depends on your own famliy and the time you've got available to you, and how safe it is for you to do things after school or on Saturdays, depending on where you live.
