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Projection And Your Relationships

 
Philip Van Munching
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  • What is "projection"?
  • How can projection affect my romantic relationships?
  • What is "projective identification"?
  • How can projective identification affect my choice of a romantic partner?
  • How can I deal with a partner when they're projecting a bad mood onto me?
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Communication & Conflict
 Romance And The Unconscious 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. What is the "unconscious"? 
  3. How can my unconscious influence my romantic choices? 
  4. How is it possible to examine the unconscious? 
  5. How can my dreams help me examine my unconscious? 
  6. What are "Freudian slips", and how can they help me examine my unconscious? 
  7. What are "emotional overreactions", and how can they help me examine my unconscious? 
  8. What are "repetitive behavior patterns", and how can they help me examine my unconscious? 
 Your Parents And Your Relationships 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. What impact do my parents have on my romantic relationships? 
  3. Does one parent's influence matter more than another's when it comes to my romantic relationships? 
  4. Does a difficult childhood relationship with my parents mean that my romantic relationships will be negative? 
Projection And Your Relationships (Now Playing)
  1. Philip Van Munching
 The Life Cycle Of A Relationship 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. What are the five phases of a romantic relationship? 
  3. What is the "attraction phase" of a relationship? 
  4. How does my unconscious come into play during the attraction phase of a relationship? 
  5. What is the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship? 
  6. How does my unconscious come into play during the honeymoon phase of a relationship? 
  7. What is the "reality phase" of a romantic relationship? 
  8. What is the "commitment phase" of a romantic relationship? 
  9. Why do couples start fighting more during the commitment phase of a romantic relationship? 
  10. What questions should I be asking myself during the commitment phase of a relationship? 
  11. What is the "marriage phase" of a romantic relationship? 
  12. What are some mistakes people make in navigating the life cycle of a romantic relationship? 
  13. What is the time frame for each phase of the romantic relationship? 
 The Relationship Stress Test 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. What are the various levels of relationship stress? 
  3. What are the features of "level-one relationship stress"? 
  4. What are the features of "level-two relationship stress"? 
  5. What factors contribute to level-two relationship stress? 
  6. What are the features of "level-three relationship stress"? 
  7. What factors contribute to level-three relationship stress? 
  8. What are the features of "level-four relationship stress"? 
 What To Do About Relationship Stress 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. Is a relationship with a level-three relationship stress level salvageable? 
  3. Is a relationship with a level-four relationship stress level salvageable? 
  4. What factors can help a couple maintain level-one relationship stress? 
  5. How can I bring my relationship stress level down? 
 Your Partner And Your Relationship 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. How can examining my partners' romantic patterns improve our relationship? 
  3. How do I examine my partner's romantic patterns? 
  4. What if my partner gives me superficial answers about his or her past relationships? 
  5. What are some helpful questions I can ask my partner about his past relationships? 
  6. Is it useful to discuss past relationships if I've been in my current relationship a long time? 
  7. What else can I do to understand my partner's relationship patterns? 
 Communicating In A Relationship 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. How can my partner and I talk about our relationship more productively? 
  3. What's the most effective starting point for a relationship discussion? 
  4. Why does listening matter so much in relationships? 
  5. How can I be a better listener? 
  6. What should I do if what my partner is saying sounds crazy, stupid or wrong? 
  7. How can I seem more confident during a relationship discussion? 
  8. During a relationship discussion, is it better to make a longer or shorter case for myself? 
  9. How can I prepare for a relationship discussion? 
  10. What should we do if a relationship discussion isn't getting anywhere? 
 Arguing In A Relationship 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. Is there a "right" way to argue with a partner? 
  3. What's the "7-day rule" in relationship discussions? 
  4. What's wrong with raising my voice during a discussion? 
  5. How can admitting that I'm wrong help diffuse arguments in my relationship? 
  6. How can I avoid explosive arguments in my relationship? 
 Relationship Communciation Pitfalls 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. Why is communication so important to a relationship? 
  3. Can't we just talk about the positives of the relationship? 
  4. What is "acting out" in a relationship? 
  5. What's wrong with talking to outsiders about my relationship? 
 Couples Therapy 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. When should couples therapy be considered? 
  3. What should I look for in a couples therapist? 
  4. How does couples therapy work? 
  5. How effective is couples therapy? 
  6. How long does couples therapy last? 
 Big Relationship Questions 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. What are the most common relationship problems you see? 
  3. What are the "truths" you've discovered about romantic relationships? 
  4. Why do I keep falling for the same type of person? 
  5. Why was I so crazy about my partner in the beginning, and where did those feelings go? 
  6. What's the best piece of relationship advice you know? 
 Improving Yourself In A Relationship 
  1. Philip Van Munching
  2. How can examining my own patterns improve my relationships? 
  3. How can I identify my own relationship patterns? 
  4. What if I'm not good at self-reflection? 
  5. How do I change my negative relationship patterns? 
 Anger Styles 
  1. Mike Fisher
  2. Are there different styles of anger? 
  3. What is the intimidator'? 
  4. What is the interrogator'? 
  5. What is the poor me'? 
  6. What is the distancer'? 
  7. What is the winder-upper'? 
 Dealing With Other Peoples' Anger 
  1. Mike Fisher
  2. How can I tell someone they have a problem with their anger? 
  3. How can I calm someone who is angry? 
  4. How can I avoid making someone angry? 
Philip  Van Munching Mr. Philip Van Munching
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Transcript

Projection And Your Relationships

What is "projection"?

Projection is very basic and it's something we do all the time. It's taking something we feel about ourselves that's lousy and pushing it, projecting it, onto someone else. You might say 'that person's an idiot' when your feeling dumb; you might say 'you know that person doesn't know how to relate to people', when you're feeling insecure and so on.

How can projection affect my romantic relationships?

Often, we project things onto our partners, and then we come to believe those things about our partners, even though they're really self-reflection; they're really things we think about ourselves. We can make ourselves miserable with the things we ascribe to our partners, things that they really don't deserve.

What is "projective identification"?

Projective identification is a lot more involved than projection, because you're making someone feel something by projection it onto them. It's like if you tell your spouse often enough, "you have no idea what you're doing," and they come to believe they are incompetent, you have projectively identified. If you do that often enough, you can keep terrible feelings about yourself at bay by projecting them into someone else so that they feel them and you can keep looking at them and saying "see, they're the one with the problem." The reality is, however, that you've created a problem for them, and you haven't dealt with it in yourself.

How can projective identification affect my choice of a romantic partner?

Projective identification comes into play when we're looking for partners, even though it's unconscious. You don't go out saying," I want to find someone who I can make feel lousy on some level." You go out looking for someone who you think is going to meet your conscious needs, but unconsciously you'll recognize some fault or insecurity that you can kind of exploit within them.

How can I deal with a partner when they're projecting a bad mood onto me?

We all projectively identify everyday. When you come in, in a lousy mood, and you make your partner have a lousy mood thats projective identification. You've come in like a bear and they've reacted to it and now their in a bad mood. If your on the otherside of that equation, and your partner comes in in a lousy mood. The first thing that you do is disengage, you remove yourself from the situation; you understand that they're not really upset with you, or they're not really thinking about you, and you bring yourself to a neutral corner and there you do that thing that makes you happy; whether its thinking about something or playing a game or whatever it is you do to bring your mood back up and then you go back to them and re-engage and elevate their mood. The third step is elevation, which you can achieve by projectively identifying a good mood right back into them.

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  • What is "projection"?
  • How can projection affect my romantic relationships?
  • What is "projective identification"?
  • How can projective identification affect my choice of a romantic partner?
  • How can I deal with a partner when they're projecting a bad mood onto me?

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