Public Vs. Private In American Business
How much personal information is it appropriate for me to share in the office?
It's inappropriate to reveal too much of one's self in the work place. People really run from people in the office who tell them blow-by-blows about their children's antics, their spousal arguments, their money problems or anything that's personal, and its not appropriate to talk about personal events in the workplace. Again, we're after that target that we're all after that will accomplish the goal, but the majority of people's day is spent in gossip today. Productivity is low in the workplace and it's easily charted by companies that do nothing but that, to find out how much is actually getting done in the workplace.
How can I keep information about myself private without seeming rude?
To keep information about yourself private without seeming rude, here's a rule that I invented I call 'The Thirty Day' rule. In 'The Thirty Day' rule, if someone in the workplace asks you a question, you can answer it by giving them an example of an event or a situation that happened thirty days from today or will happen thirty days from today. So if people ask me, "Phyllis how are you?" I'll say, "Great, my husband and I just got back from a four day conference in Las Vegas and we met so many interesting people." I didn't tell them anything about how I am. I could be tired, I could be discouraged, I could be depressed, I could be elated, but I didn't tell them anything about myself. Instead I gave them an example of an event or a situation that happened thirty days before or thirty days after. Again it happens with "Phyllis, how are you?" and I reply "I'm great, Codey and I, we planted a herb garden this weekend, we were so careful and we had such a great time choosing the herbs we wanted in the garden." Again I didn't tell those in the office anything about myself, keeping information about myself private without seeming rude.
Is it appropriate to share information about spouses or families in business?
I'm sensitive about people asking me too many questions about my spouse and family in the workplace. I've been a public figure all my life and my marriage is the most important thing in the world to me. But, I'm not going to sit and talk about my marriage or my children because they deserve their privacy. As a public figure I just let that sort of go, I just wear a wedding ring. I think it's appropriate that people know that I'm married, but I do not want them to know to much about my marriage. In return I don't ask other people too much about their family in the workplace. In fact, that is one of the things about women in the workplace, women in the workplace today often wear wedding rings, just because they don't want to be asked if they are single or to probe about their personal life. It's not uncommon for women to wear gold bands in the workplace or networking event so that they can be there to represent their company. So be careful about what you ask in the workplace and don't pry. Be generic in your questions, for example, "How's your summer?" "Are you enjoying your summer?" "Are you going to take a vacation this year?" Ask general questions to people that you don't know, especially since we're in a very culturally sensitive world today and people are from different faiths and cultures. Indeed it's not part of their culture to be asked what is part of their family life compared to in other cultures where it's very appropriate to ask. So just ask generic questions so people can move and so they can be more comfortable in the workplace.
When and how is it appropriate to make small talk in business?
The fact that we do talk about business at meals today makes small talk very appropriate in such business meetings. This is very important and there are 3 rules to remember. If you are going to meet someone for breakfast, make small talk until people have their coffee, water or juice at the table. If you're having lunch with someone, make small talk until everyone has ordered off the waiter and off the menu. The next point to remember is the hardest one for people. If you're having dinner with someone at a business meal, make small talk for the first 30 minutes of the evening, to create trust and rapport before you start talking about business.
