Sex In Marriage
What can I do when my husband's 'not in the mood'?
What do you do if your husband says, "I'm not in the mood"? - as shocking as that might be. Firstly, do not add pressure, because the truth is with men and women, sometimes we're on, sometimes we're off. If there's a lot of stress that your husband has experienced during the day, it may manifest itself in his lack of desire for having sex. Don't personalize. Talk to each other and find out what it is he needs. Maybe he just needs to be relaxed; maybe it's about giving him a massage. Maybe it's just about helping him relax to get into the mood. Ask him, "Sweetheart, is there anything I can do to help you? Would you like a massage?" Be there as a partner, and you may be surprised what can happen.
What can I do when my wife's 'not in the mood'?
Often, a woman's sexuality is tied into how emotionally supported by you she's feeling. Show her how much you appreciate her, how much you value her. That has a lot to do with how a woman will open up to you in a marriage. Also, with a woman, you need to start from the head and then move down and stimulate her brain, stimulate her heart, and it will stimulate her. Often women get insecure about their appearance. If they've experienced any body changes through aging or pregnancy, they may not feel very attractive. Tell your wife how much you love her, how much you love her body, and how beautiful she is to you. That will stimulate her a lot. Here's a little secret: the place in the brain where the foot is, is right next to the place in the brain where genitals are. Stimulate one and the other gets stimulated. That's why when our feet get kissed or rubbed or touched, it becomes an amazingly sensual experience.
How important is foreplay?
Foreplay is really important in marital sex. There is difference between the physical and mental foreplay. Physical foreplay is about touching all parts of the body to warm your partner up. Mental foreplay is about the actions you do to stimulate each other's brains. Stimulate the body in indirect ways. It is the nice thoughtful things that you do. It's calling each other during the day, saying, "I Love You" and telling the other person how much you want to make love to them. Foreplay is walking and holding hands. It's spending time together. It's letting your partner know how much you love them. That is very exciting foreplay in marital sex.
How important is kissing?
Kissing is critical to bonding and to making love, even without physically having sex. It is as close as you can become to another person, and it communicates so much. Each kiss can say, "I love you. Welcome home. You're the one. You're precious to me." Kissing is critical to bonding in marital sex. Firstly, it feels really good. There are so many nerve endings in our lips that connect to the feel-good portion of our brain. When you start kissing, it's going to make your whole body feel good. It also releases oxytocin through your body, which is the bonding hormone, and brings you closer. Kissing is the food of love. It communicates so much. It is vital and critical to kiss your partner, to kiss your beloved in a marriage.
What can I do if I don't like how my spouse kisses me?
What if you don't like the way your husband or your wife kisses you? Here's a game you can play: give each other a kissing lesson. Firstly, it's really fun. Also, you're going to really learn about how to kiss each other. One of you starts, and you begin showing your partner, by kissing them, how you like to be kissed. If you like soft kisses, start kissing them very softly, just the way you like to be kissed, and ask them, "How does that feel to you?" Give them a little instruction like, "Oh, so I love it when my tongue rolls over your lips, how does that feel for you?" Then have your partner show you how your partner thinks you like to be kissed. Take turns: then it's your partners turn. Let your partner show you how they like to be kissed. Kiss them back that way. It's fun and exciting, and you're going to learn something new about each other.
What can I do if I feel too tired to have sex?
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, often you may feel too tired to have sex. But, you know what? It may be that you are thinking you are too tired to have sex, because our relationship can revive us; sex can revive you. It's important to start looking at your relationship as a place to restore and not a place to dream. When sexual energy flows through your body, there is nothing more stimulating. Before you say no, think about how good you might feel if you say yes. Also, it's really about a flick of a switch. You can be absolutely exhausted but think of sex as being like a light switch that you can turn on. By saying yes and even giving it a try, chances are that your body is going to feel a lot better from your yes than it is from your no.
What can I do if my spouse is too tired to have sex?
If your partner says that they are too tired to have sex, what can you do? You can respect them and give them some space. You can maybe say, "Well, would you like a massage, darling?" You can take a hot shower together. You can do things that can arouse them, or not. But at least you'll be making a connection in your marriage. Do not give up. Respect their wishes, but do not cut off connection because they're saying they're too tired. Go for connection, even if it's not sexual intercourse.
What can we do if my spouse and I are too tired to have sex?
If you are both too exhausted to have sex, it's still important to maintain connection. You don't roll over to separate sides of the bed and say, "Good night, honey." Make sure that you have contact because bonding and connection is vital, even more vital than even having sex. Maintain contact. Hold each other. Match each other's breathing - take three deep breaths and match each other's breathing. Fall asleep literally stroking or holding each other. It's the contact that's really important to maintain.
What are the physical and emotional health benefits of sex for men?
The common response I hear to the question, “Why do men need sex?” is “Well, duh." But let me tell you reasons why your husband does need sex. Having regular sex is really good if you want to keep your husband around longer, because sex is a great stress reducer. Studies have shown that men who have sex three times a week or more have fewer heart attacks and cardiovascular problems. Also, sex is the number one way that your husband is going to be able to bond with you, because after a long day at work, what often happens is he gets totally disconnected from his body and from his heart. Orgasm is a sure fire way of opening up the entire system and opening up his heart to bond and be more intimate with you.
What are the physical and emotional health benefits of sex for women?
Sex is really important for physical, emotional and mental health. The minute you start sex, your brain starts releasing oxytocin. It is going to make you closer to your husband. It is really a good stress reducer and in terms of our system, it reduces pain of PMS, it enhances vitality, it adds energy and is a stress reliever. Sex is good for you. Often we say, "I'm tired" or "I have a headache." The truth is, sex is a great tension reducer. It actually reduces the headache and migraines and on top of that, it helps you to sleep better. Actually, the sex will make you feel better. Good news ladies: sex is really a good exercise. It burns up more calories than walking, yoga or even weight lifting. Sex is good for your body in more ways than we even can imagine.
Why doesn't my husband initiate sex?
If your husband stops initiating sex, it may be because he has heard "no" a little too much. Men lose their will in the face of too many "no's. Time and again, if he face rejection, chances are he will stop initiating because even the active initiating hurts. Something else could be going on with her husband. He may be so stressed that he cannot feel his body anymore. If you are noticing that he is not initiating sex and you want him to, it's time to sit down and have a conversation about your desires and find out what is going wrong with him.
What can I do if I want more sex than my husband does?
If you're finding that you're wanting more sex than your husband does, that can really hurt. It is tough to be the one who's constantly reaching and hearing "no". But there are things that you can do to either inspire your husband, or at least get your needs met, because the last thing you want to do is add more pressure. If some of his withdrawal is because he's already feeling insecure or having some shame or anxiety around performance, your pressure is only going to add to it. What he may need to know is that you do desire him and that you would like to have sex. There are ways to do that subtly, by the way you dress, by inviting him to take a shower or a bath with you, by letting him know that you are open, willing and ready. If he doesn't respond to those things, you can let him know that, "Okay, I'm going to take care of myself", and you can invite him to watch. You can ask him to lay there as you do, because there is something about being a spectator and watching you get really excited that may be a boost for him. It also takes a lot of the pressure and responsibility off of him. Most importantly, if you're wanting to have sex more than your husband, commit to answering that need and pleasuring yourself. Invite your husband to watch and maybe he'll join in.
What do I do if I am no longer attracted to my spouse?
What can you do if you find that suddenly you are not attracted to your partner? One thing is to keep in mind that attraction waxes and wanes. It comes and it goes. Don't look at it as a permanent condition. Often, when we stop being attracted, especially suddenly, it's because there is a breakdown in communication and connection. You are probably not feeling really close to your partner so you are not wanting to get really close to your partner. Understand that within this time you need to start communicating and reconnecting. Often, just the act of sitting down and talking and sharing, letting the other person in verbally, will allow you to relax and let them in physically. You'll start becoming attracted to each other's hearts. You'll start feeling a connection again where you talk honestly to each other about what you need, what you desire, what you like, what you want. The attraction to your partner will start flowing again.
What can I do if I suffer from erectile dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction is the inability to achieve or sustain an erection through orgasm. There can be psychological or physical reasons why this is happening. Sometimes, as a man ages, he starts confusing not being able to last as long or sustain an erection as erectile dysfunction. It's not. It just means you need a different type of stimulation. The older you get, the more you need direct stimulation. There are many medical situations that affect erectile dysfunction - diabetes, heart disease, medications you're on, the levels of your hormones, etc. If you are finding that you are having sustained difficulties, it's really important that you get a medical check-up and see if there's anything physically wrong.
