Sexual Practices
I find anal sex painful, is there anything that I can do to make it less painful?
If you find anal sex painful, one thing that you can do is try and alter the position that you're in, for entry. Anal sex can be done in any position. Most people will only think of doing it lying flat on their stomach. You can try adjusting your hips and moving your legs until you find a position which makes entry easier, rather than straight entry, which can be quite painful for a lot of women. Also, make sure that you use plenty of lubricant, which will undoubtedly take a lot of the pain out of anal sex. And, make your partner go very slowly.
What is the missionary position?
The famous missionary position is where a woman lies on her back and opens her legs, and the man enters her facing her straight, lying directly on top of her. The position works well for a lot of people for two reasons. One, the reason it's supposed to work in terms of stimulating a woman is the mans pubic bone is supposed to rub against the clitoris. This doesn't always work, which is one of the problems with it. The reason that a lot of people like it, is that it is face-to-face contact and a lot of women will tell you that even though the position doesn't do much for them in terms of bringing them to orgasm during penetration, they like the weight of their partner on top of them. Also, you can kiss them at the same time, and if you talk to them they're facing you. It's perhaps not an ideal position in terms of sexual ecstasy, but for intimacy it's a very good position.
What position is best for a female orgasm?
The best position for women to achieve an orgasm is usually when they're on top. This can be sitting astride a man facing him, or turned around with her back towards his face. Either way, the woman is in control of the depth of penetration. Shes in control of the speed, as she can move her body much more freely. For a lot of women, it's important to be able to have a lot of hip movement in order to achieve orgasm. For other women it doesn't matter; it's a personal kind of thing. Also, a woman can touch herself, and that's much easier when on top.
What is spooning?
Spooning is what I'd call a post coital activity. It's when the woman lies wrapped inside the mans body. It's a very comfortable way, perhaps of falling asleep after sex. In fact, it's probably the most common one. Spooning can start sex off, it can help for arousal, but it's definintely a comfortable position to fall into after sex.
What s the best way to give a hand job?
Giving a hand job, or learning how to give one, is not that difficult. The best way to learn how to do it is to ask your partner to show you how he does it, first. Try and apply the same amount of pressure. Women and men often misunderstand the concept, the idea, of pressure. Women tend to have a much lighter touch, whereas men tend to apply much firmer pressure if they work at masturbating themselves. They then tend to apply that same kind of pressure to women, when they're touching us, and we consider it as a bit heavy-handed. We need to try and find out what each one likes - experiment, and watch your partner do it. Try it out, and get him to tell you when you've got the right amount of pressure for the hand job.
What is the 69 position?
The 69 position, which is very popular, means that you can both give mutual oral sex. Suppose that the woman lies on her back, and the man kneels over her, so that he can bend over and give her oral sex while she can give him a blow job. That is essentially the 69 position.
What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the fancy Latin term for a man going down on a woman, and stimulating her vagina, mostly the clitoris, using his tongue and his mouth. The benefits of it are that the tongue, particularly, used around the clitoris, is much softer than using manual stimulation of the clitoris. It is extremely pleasurable for a woman. This also means that because the tongue has saliva, you don't have the same problem with lack of lubrication that you do with using a hand or fingers, stimulating the clitoris in the same way.
My partner wants me to perform cunnilingus, but what exactly should I do?
Every person likes to have cunnilingus performed in a different way. The first thing to do is to ask your partner what way she likes it. Try out a few strokes, so to speak, and see how much pressure she likes applied. You can also discuss with her whether she wants you to bring her to orgasm using cunnilingus, or whether she just wants you to bring her to a certain level, she will then tell you that now she wants you to penetrate her; there are a lot of different ways of using it. Some men are worried and concerned about how long it takes to bring a woman to orgasm using this - it takes a long time, and some men try to skimp on it. They think that if they do it for a few minutes and then go on to the next stage which is penetration, that that's enough. Often, a lot of women don't like that, and don't appreciate it. They want it for longer, so if you are a caring lover you go on for much longer until she says stop or she comes.
Is there a correct way to give a blow job?
There isn't any correct way to give a blow job. First of all, I'd like to say that I'm not too sure where the expression blow job comes from, but it's more a sucking job than a blow job. The main thing to remember is to keep your teeth out of the way. Nothing scares a man more than the idea of your teeth near his penis. Having said that, ask your partner what he likes. Every man has got their own way of preferences when it comes to blow jobs. Some may like to stand up. Some like to lie down. Some like to be sitting in a chair. You will probably have to use your hands as well as your mouth. Vary the speed. That's really all there is to it - there is no definitive way to give a blow job. It's what your man likes, that's the definitive way.
How can I stop the feeling that I'm going to gag during oral sex?
Having a feeling that you're going to gag during oral sex is not uncommon, particularly if you're not used to giving a blow job. It usually indicates that you're not very relaxed about it - what you need to do is just try and relax these muscles here [around the neck], take a deep breath, and don't take it in too deep. Yes, there are people who can deep throat, as they call it; they can actually open their throat muscles up and take the whole penis inside down the throat without gagging at all, but they're rare people and they've practised it, so don't aim for that. Also, don't let your boyfriend or husband try and push you into taking it in too deep if you've got a strong gag reflex. You have to know your limitations, but the main thing is to relax.
How can I persuade my girlfriend to give me a blow job?
Some women have issues about giving a blow job. The first thing to remember is that hygiene is important, so make sure that you always wash down there before you suggest the idea of giving a blow job. If she doesn't want to do it, you cannot make her, but you can gently try and persuade her. You must let her do it in her own time, or come around to the idea in her own time, because some women have taboos about it and it's part of their socialisation. They just need to maybe go away and think about it themselves, and not be forced into it, and never feel that they're pressured. Of course, if she does agree to give you a blow job, never ever hold her head or push her head down on you, because that's something else that a lot of women don't like, and a lot of men do. I understand that men like that feeling of being in control and pushing a woman down on themselves, but for a lot of women, it feels oppressive.
Do you have to swallow the semen after a blow job?
If you have an issue about it, and you don't want to swallow semen, then dont worry because you don't have to. The advice is that sometimes men feel a little put out if you don't. You can discreetly get rid of it without them knowing that you didn't swallow it, or you can be just quite straightforward about it to them and say that you don't enjoy the sensation of swallowing it. It's quite simple. I don't think that you're offending anybody by not swallowing it, so it's not necessary to do it.
Are there any benefits in using lubricants?
Lubricants are your best friend in sex. I can't tell you how much lubricants can transform your sex life. There's a general idea around that lubricant is just for old people, particularly older women who can't get any kind of vaginal lubrication going - it's not that at all. You should be using lubricants from when you start having sex. It will increase the sensations of pleasure you have, whether you're masturbating or having penetration, for both you and your partner ten, twenty-fold. Find a lubricant that suits you, and use it all the time. It will be so much better than any sex toys that you can find. Lubricants are one of the secret ingredients of good sex.
Why is the clitoris so important?
The clitoris is a unique organ, and is womens' good fortune to have. It is the only organ in humans that is solely there for the purpose of pleasure.The clitoris is there to provide pleasure for the woman; before that everyone was under the illusion that orgasms happened in the vagina, and therefore you had to have a penis inserted to have any kind of pleasure. That is why it's so important - it is the pleasure centre for women.
I am circumcised, how can this affect my sex life?
In general, being circumsized shouldn't affect your sex life at all. Some men do say that without the foreskin there is less sensation, but there is a minimal difference between a man with foreskin and a man without. A lot of women probably prefer the sight of a circumsized penis, and it tends to be a cultural preference. I don't think that being circumsized or uncircumsized really affects your sex life.
What is rimming?
Rimming is stimulation of the anus using the tongue and mouth, much in the way that you would use the tongue on the clitoris. It's simply another form of oral sex.
What is an orgasm?
An orgasm is a physical response to different biological impulses, connected with mental, sexual stimulation. We know that men and women go through a process to reach orgasm, slightly different in each case, and these usually culminate in contractions, and the release of oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone, that makes you feel nice and relaxed afterwards. That, in essence, is an orgasm.
Can women have multiple orgasms?
It's true that compared with men, women can have more orgasms one after the other. However, that needs time to be worked on. It is not something that happens automatically for a lot of women.
Is there a good time of the day to have sex?
Most people associate a good time to have sex with night time, which is probably one of the worst times of the day to have sex because you are too tired to give your full attention. A lot of people like the morning. Certainly, a lot of people are more sexually stimulated when they wake up, and like the feeling of waking up and starting the day with some pleasure. To me, I would say that the afternoon, if you could sort of fix it, is a really good time of day to have sex. Unfortunately, most people are working, so it doesn't quite fit into their schedule.
