Sexuality
What is homosexuality?
Homosexuality is a sexuality in which you are only attracted to the same sex - for men, in the case of men - an attraction to other men. It's harder to define how that sexuality comes about, or why people are homosexual rather than heterosexual. To define how sexuality arises in anybody is very difficult to define. There are all sorts of theories about whether it is genetic or whether it's just where you're born, or whether it's a choice, or whether it's the result of some kind of trauma. essentially, homosexuality is where a person has a sexual preference for their own gender.
What does it mean to be a lesbian?
Being a lesbian means that you have a sexual preference only for other women. You would tend not to have any sort of leanings towards wanting sexual activity with men, but with every kind of sexuality you will find all kinds of lesbians who have different ways of expressing that particular sexuality. Therefore, it's hard to define, but quite simply put you are attracted sexually to other women.
I have had my first sexual experience with a woman, does this make me a lesbian?
It's very common for people of both genders to have fantasies or sexual feelings for people of their same gender, and to just want to experiment one time and find out what it feels like. Does it suit me? Do I like it, or hate it? A person doesn't need to feel that if they do it once, that that means it is forever.
What does it mean to be bisexual?
Bisexual means that you're having sexual relationships with people of both genders. You're not just thinking about it, you're doing it. You may do it separately. You may have a relationship with a man, if you're a woman; and with a woman. You may have them together, at the same time, or you may have it consecutively. It means, if you're bi-sexual, that you're quite certain that you're having sex with both genders.
How can I tell people close to me that I am gay?
Telling people that you are gay, particularly your parents can be difficult. Coming out of the closet, as they call it, is one of the most difficult things that any gay person faces in their life. I would suggest that you start by telling somebody who you are fairly sure is going to be fairly sympathetic. It's like a practice run. You then move onto the slightly more difficult people, and see how it goes with them. If necessary, take the person that is most sympathetic with you as back up. Be prepared for anger and rejection - obviously parents are the most difficult ones to tell. If you can deal with the idea that they may be irrate at first and want to disown you, allow them to come around and don't get all worked up yourself about the fact that they are angry. You know you have one person storming out of the room and not both of you. I'm quite sure that is the case in a lot of people's experience, when they have come to tell their parents. Their parents have reacted in completely the opposite way to what they expected, and said "it's fine, I love you", or they will say "I guessed that a long time ago, so you could have told me before".
Should I be open about my sexuality?
Being open about your sexuality is advisable in some circumstances and perhaps not in others. For example, if you have just started a new job, you might want to be careful about what you disclose about your sexuality until you know how other people feel about things like gays or lesbians, swinging, or whatever. This is so that you don't make problems for yourself. I'm not advocating being dishonest, or trying to conceal stuff about yourself - it's more about caution. The same applies when you meet new groups of people socially. Wait and see how they feel before you disclose everything about yourself. Your sexuality is something personal. It's an important part of your identity, but you don't have to tell everybody about it straight away. It's not the same as saying which football team you support.
Can you become gay by hanging around with gay people?
There seems to be an idea, held up by a few people, that you can become gay by association. I've heard this said a lot, in relation to gay men adopting children, that almost certainly these children will become gay. Personally, I haven't seen any evidence to support this at all, and I think I can quite categorically say that you don't become gay by hanging around with gay people.
I'm a divorced woman with grown up kids and now I feel attracted to other women?
For women, often when they get divorced, especially after a long-term relationship, two things happen. One, they want to explore themselves with people, and part of that exploration may be exploring their sexuality. You could say that if it has been a very traumatic divorce, to a certain extent they will become turned off men. However, that is not a real cause. That, perhaps, is just a temporary situation. The real reason is that they are exploring themselves and giving themselves the opportunity to discover what they really like, and therefore they are able to accept that them having a lesbian relationship is something that perhaps they've thought about on and off all along, but never had the opportunity to explore.
