Shoes, A Window On The Sole
Shoes, A Window On The Sole
Donna Sozio (Author and Relationship Expert) gives expert video advice on: What are 'memory lane shoes'?; What is the 'attraction mind melt'?; What is a 'shoe shark'? and more...
What are 'memory lane shoes'?
Memory lane shoes are so important in romatic relationships, and especially dating. Because if you pay attention to a man's memory lane shoes, you appear absolutely magical in his eyes. When you take the memory and bring it to the present. So those are the shoes that are usually tucked in the back of the closet that maybe he hopes... Either he did something in the past, and he hopes to have this big adventure again. Maybe canoe down the Amazon and those were the shoes that he wore, but now they're just in the back of his closet. So if you can maybe think of a canoeing trip or think of something, maybe even a gondola trip somewhere where he can bring back the memory lane shoes, you will appear absolutely magical in his eyes.
What is the 'attraction mind melt'?
The 'attraction mind melt' is not anyones best friend. What it is, is it warps our brains until we do whatever is necessary to get what we think that we want. Even if it's a bad decision. And so you can usually tell when you're under the attraction of mind melt when you have heavy salivation, a one track mind, you can only think of that, your'e making bad decisions, none of your friends want to talk to you anymore, all you can think about is getting that one thing. And maybe it's that hot guy in the corner with the flip tip loafers that you've been ogling at because you know that they're nine hundred dollars. And you feel like being taken out on a nice date, and you think he's going to get you that. And then you know that he's a bad boy but you just can't help yourself, and that's you being under the 'attraction of mind melt', is when you have one voice saying, "No, don't do it!" but you're doing it anyway. It's like being under the tractor beam on Star Trek.
What is a 'shoe shark'?
Shoe sharks are men who know that women are looking at their shoes, and they wear them specifically for the inner intent to woo women. Shoe sharks usually fall into three categories. One is the no approach, the other is the take back, and there is the bait and switch. Shoe sharks have what I call a packaging plan. They are ill-advised.
What are 'red flag shoes'?
Most of the red flag shoes have to do with maintenance. Overhang. Are his toes overhanging his shoes, is his heel overhanging? If he's overhanging his shoe, he doesn't have a shoe that supports him, how is he going to be supportive in a relationship? Also, are they cracked? You want to ask youself where is he cracked in the relationship, or where is he cracked personally. And why is he letting himself wear a pair of cracked shoes, why is he not putting his best foot forward? And ladies, it's not a question of money. We can put a thousand excuses. You know, Oh, his grandma just died. Oh, he just got fired. There is no excuse. Why isn't he putting his best foot forward in life? You want to know the answer to that question.
What is the relationship between the money he spends on his shoes and his relationship with me?
There is a relationship between the money a guy spends on his shoes, and his relationship with you. And, but it's not what you think. Because, just because he spends a lot of money on his shoes, one would assume that he then would spend a lot of money on you. However he will, if he's not a shoe shark. Because sometimes shoe sharks will buy really expensive shoes because they know that's what you're thinking, but then do the take back. And also, just remember it's not the price of the shoe. Condition and maintenance always trumps the price of the shoe.
What is a 'sole purge'?
I encourage everyone to do a sole purge at least once a year. And that is tossing out every pair of shoes that doesn't accurately represent who you are, where you're going and your dreams, and how you see yourself in your life. Go through your closet, and it's amazing, your shoes - shoes talk, they'll start talking to you. I remember once I was on my sole purge, and I was looking at these pair of shoes, and I had moved maybe three times in five years. And I keep bringing these shoes with me. I never wore them, they didn't have anything to do with who I wanted to be. But I was keeping them with me, and then I realized it was because my mother had told me 'those are interview shoes, you might need them someday, until I realized that I never wanted to be in the type of job that I would have to wear those shoes to. Out they went.
How can I tell if a man is in need of a 'sole purge'?
There's a few key characteristics of a man who is in need of a sole purge, and usually the top one is grumpiness, and also how he calls his shoes. If he's calling his shoes his 'monkey shoes,' or if he can't wait to kick them off at the door, or every time he's wearing those particular shoes he's irritated, grumpy, doesn't want to talk about anything, wants to be left alone, those are usually the shoes that need to go because they are representing qualities that he doesn't feel comfortable expressing. Maybe he feels that he has to wear those shoes or someone's putting something over him, and so that's how you can usually tell that a man is in dire need of a sole purge.