Single Parenting And Visitation
How do I plan my children's visit to see their other parent?
Well a lot of times, as far as visitation goes, you create a parenting plan. In that parenting plan it's spelled out so that it's a legal document, so one parent can't say no. It's made legal, so it's easy to do. That depends on the age of your child too. I mean, a lot of people do split shared custody. Some people do visitation.
How do I make my children's 'hand-off' to their other parent less stressful?
When it comes time for the child to spend time with the other parent, what is great is if it's a weekend custody schedule. You drop your child off at school on Friday, the other parent picks the child up and then drops them back off at school on Monday. So it's something consistent that happens every week, which is really good for the child. Another thing you can do is to meet at a place, at a restaurant, at a friend's house, or outside of your home. There are a lot of ways that you can coordinate it if there is friction between the two parents, otherwise the parent can come in the house and pick the child up, it all depends on your situation.
What if my children ask to visit their other parent?
There will be situation when your child will ask to see the other parent. In those situations, if you have a flexible lifestyle and a relationship with the other parent, you can call them and say, "Is it ok if you take Johnny out to dinner, or breakfast", or "Johnny would really love to see you, how can we make this happen"? It is also important to let your child know that it is a special situation, this isn't something that is going to happen all the time, especially for a birthday, if you want to share the child on the same day. So as long as you are flexible and you let the child know that it is special then it won't cause problems of that happening all the time in the future.
What if I don't want my children to visit their other parent?
Sometimes there's going to be a time when you don't want your child to visit the other parent. In that case, it's good to call or email the other parent and let them know that something came up. Tell your child that something came up and that you'll visit him another time, but this time isn't really working. It's not good to lie, but it's also not good to create a situation that's going to have legal ramifications.
What if the other parent refuses to let me see my child?
If you're in a situation where the other parent refuses to let you see your child, it's very important to keep a journal and date it. "January 12, will not let me see my child." Keep a journal so that you have backup, because you'll have to get a court order. You'll have to take legal action if it continues. You can warn them and let them know that it's not legally right, and that you have papers to show. It's very important to keep a journal.
How do I control my jealousy when my children visit their other parent?
When it comes to sharing custody, a lot of emotions come up. You know fear that you're going to be left behind, jealousy that they might be having fun, and there's a lot of different emotions. What you can do is a few things. I suggest to keep a journal of my emotions, and I would write my son little mini love letters and little poems and that I would share with him when he came home. Sometimes I would call over there, when he was old enough to have a cell phone, I would leave little messages or text messages on his cell phone. Just to like a little knock on the shoulder saying "I love you", "here I am", or "don't forget about me". So there's things you can do for yourself by keeping a journal and also for your child to let him know that you're always always always on his mind.
What if my child's other parent is negligent or irresponsible?
How do I make the most of my child's weekend visits?
When it comes time to have your child on the weekends and making the most of the visits with him or her, let's say they love Magic Mountain, they love theme parks, or they love to do something special. It's not about doing more than the other parent does, like they'll want you more, but it's about making memories. It's really important in life because that's all we have is our memories. Make memories with your child, whether it's going out to lunch or making cheeseburgers or whatever it is that they can remember and always think of you when they eat a cheeseburger. It is just to make sure that your son knows or your daughter knows that you're totally available for them. You're not getting the babysitter. You are spending time with them.
How can I get my children's other parent to see them more often?
Sometimes when you are a single parent, the other parent won't spend as much time with the child as you like. In those situations, you can't really force it, but you can make suggestions. You can buy movie tickets, you can see that a new play is in town, or a circus and let them know or buy a ticket. Do as much as you can to be your child's advocate. Make sure that child is taken care of and knows that they are deeply loved. Also allow the other parent to come to terms with whatever they are going through. And really see how important it is to keep seeing that child.
Why do my children seem angry after spending time with their other parent?
You have no idea how hard it is for a child to go from one home to the other, one parenting style to the other. The lifestyle, bedroom, clothes, animals, everything is different in both homes. It is really hard on them, so even though they may not want to live at that home, they're forced to and they're angry or they had a fight with the other parent and they're angry. Or, the other parent said something bad about you and they come home mad at you. It is really important that you don't take it personally because it's not about you, it's just about the transition that your child is going through.
What if my children want to come home during a visit to their other parent?
When your child is at the other parent's house, for example, and they call you crying: "I want to come home, I want to come home and I don't want to be here." It's really hard not to go: "Ok, I'll come and get you, I'll come and get you." It's important that your child knows that the rule is they stay there, unless something harmful is happening, or they're left alone, or they're with a baby sitter. Then it's something that you have to determine for yourself. But, it's important that you say: "honey, I'm here. I'm going to come and get you in a little while. It's not time yet. I know Daddy (for example) has other things planned, and when you come home it's our time together. Right now, it's your time with Daddy." You know you would want the same thing done for you, because believe me it will happen. You will have a fight with your child, they'll call their dad saying "I don't want to be at moms." So, you have to really respect the other person and take turns because it's going to happen to both parents.
