Single Parenting And Visitation
What if my children ask to visit their other parent?
There will be situation when your child will ask to see the other parent. In those situations, if you have a flexible lifestyle and a relationship with the other parent, you can call them and say, "Is it ok if you take Johnny out to dinner, or breakfast", or "Johnny would really love to see you, how can we make this happen"? It is also important to let your child know that it is a special situation, this isn't something that is going to happen all the time, especially for a birthday, if you want to share the child on the same day. So as long as you are flexible and you let the child know that it is special then it won't cause problems of that happening all the time in the future.
What if I don't want my children to visit their other parent?
Sometimes there's going to be a time when you don't want your child to visit the other parent. In that case, it's good to call or email the other parent and let them know that something came up. Tell your child that something came up and that you'll visit him another time, but this time isn't really working. It's not good to lie, but it's also not good to create a situation that's going to have legal ramifications.
What if the other parent refuses to let me see my child?
If you're in a situation where the other parent refuses to let you see your child, it's very important to keep a journal and date it. "January 12, will not let me see my child." Keep a journal so that you have backup, because you'll have to get a court order. You'll have to take legal action if it continues. You can warn them and let them know that it's not legally right, and that you have papers to show. It's very important to keep a journal.
What if my child's other parent is negligent or irresponsible?
If there is a time when you think the other parent is irresponsible and negligent like the child comes home in dirty clothes or is late or has not eaten the whole time he was with you and came home starving. You do not want to react to the child, that would be harmful, you just want to make note of it, keep a journal, journals are really important. Date it, write it down and than talk to your lawyer or mediator and see what you can do about it, if you are in good terms, you can communicate it and email, so you document it or you can send a letter by letting him know that you are aware of this, but it is very good to document things, if it continues then you have technical action.
Why do my children seem angry after spending time with their other parent?
You have no idea how hard it is for a child to go from one home to the other, one parenting style to the other. The lifestyle, bedroom, clothes, animals, everything is different in both homes. It is really hard on them, so even though they may not want to live at that home, they're forced to and they're angry or they had a fight with the other parent and they're angry. Or, the other parent said something bad about you and they come home mad at you. It is really important that you don't take it personally because it's not about you, it's just about the transition that your child is going through.
What if my children want to come home during a visit to their other parent?
When your child is at the other parent's house, for example, and they call you crying: "I want to come home, I want to come home and I don't want to be here." It's really hard not to go: "Ok, I'll come and get you, I'll come and get you." It's important that your child knows that the rule is they stay there, unless something harmful is happening, or they're left alone, or they're with a baby sitter. Then it's something that you have to determine for yourself. But, it's important that you say: "honey, I'm here. I'm going to come and get you in a little while. It's not time yet. I know Daddy (for example) has other things planned, and when you come home it's our time together. Right now, it's your time with Daddy." You know you would want the same thing done for you, because believe me it will happen. You will have a fight with your child, they'll call their dad saying "I don't want to be at moms." So, you have to really respect the other person and take turns because it's going to happen to both parents.
