Surviving The Divorce

What practical advice is there for surviving divorce?

Well, the first thing to recognize when you're thinking about how you're going to survive this divorce is to consider whether you're going to argue it in court or reach a compromise. And I recommend that you try and reach an agreement outside of court. The next thing to consider is how you can plan for the future. By looking at your home, your finances, arrangements for the children, and also consider what your spouse is doing and what arrangements that they've made for the future. And try and tie it all together with their agreement if at all possible.Take some legal advice, and speak to friends, particularly friends who've been through it themselves.

Should we attend mediation?

Mediation is a process where one or two trained mediators steer a course to help you reach a divorce settlement with regards to children, finances, and any other issues that you have. I definitely recommend that you try mediation if you are both willing to reach an agreement outside the divorce courts.

Should I take time off work?

Whether you take time off work or not will depend very much on your flexibility in your job and how sympathetic your employer is to your divorce. It also depends on how you're feeling: you might need to take time off work if you're not feeling well, or if you need to go to court, or to consult with a lawyer. By all means, ask for time off work during a divorce if you need it and if you feel that your employer is going to be sympathetic. It might also help if you keep them in the picture at an early stage of divorce proceedings.

Should I remain friends with my ex?

Whether you remain friends with your ex, or whether you look for a different kind of relationship, will depend very much on how you divorced in the first place. It's important to recognise that you will develop a new kind of relationship, particularly if you have children together. If this is a relationship where you've drawn a line under the past and can remain on good terms with your ex, then that's going to be preferable for everybody.