Too Busy For Love
Too Busy For Love
Edward Hallowell (Psychiatrist, Author) gives expert video advice on: What can we do if we're too busy to have sex?; Is it reasonable to ask my partner to 'unplug' during sex?; How does a heavy schedule affect relationships? and more...
What can we do if we're too busy to have sex?
Make time. That might sound anti-romantic, but it is a lot better to schedule lovemaking than never to do it at all. So, say nine o'clock on Thursday night. You know, show up and see what happens. Maybe you'll just watch Law & Order, but on the other hand maybe you'll make love. If it takes that... And a lot of people really don't make love not because they don't want it, but because they're too busy. Well, that's crazy. What you can do is simply schedule it into your life.
How does a heavy schedule affect relationships?
Being too busy gets in the way of relationships and this is a serious problem, I know many people whose relationships, not only marital, but friendships, parent-child, all of that, is being weakened by their being too busy. Well, that's a crime, don't let that happen to you. Because the most important thing in your life are your friendships, your relationships with your children, your spouse, your friends. That's really where the meaning in life resides, don't become so busy that you steal time away from that.
Can busy-ness destroy a marriage?
Absolutely. Absolutely. A common reason for couples to get separated is they don't see each other. And the reason they don't see each other is one or both are over-committed, too busy. So, make time for your primary relationship. If you don't, modern life will steal your time away and the next thing you know, you've lost that relationship.
What are the drawbacks to bringing work home?
The drawbacks to bringing work home is then you don't have home, you know. Home becomes work. I mean, it's great on the one hand. It's convenient and what not and so better to be at home than at work but watch out for that because your work can, like a tumor, can sort of metastasize and take over your house and the next thing you know you don't have time to get on the floor and play with the kids or you don't have time to talk to your spouse and don't let that happen because you want to reserve time for the most important people in your life.
What do I do if my partner is too busy for me?
Call, say, Hey, what about me? If you care about your partner, make a fuss because your partner may not even be aware. He or she may be sort of getting addicted to work and being busy. So stamp your feet, jump up and down and say, What about our relationship? We've got to make time for it. With any luck, he or she will respond because this is something you do have more control over than you might think, and then your relationship will get better. But the sine qua non of a relationship, what you absolutely must have in order to have a relationship, is time. No time, no relationship. If you're never with the person, you're never with the person. You might as well get separated.
What are signs my kids are too busy?
If they're not enjoying what they're doing. Things that they, otherwise, would enjoy. If they look now at soccer as: "I got to go to soccer practice". If whatever they're doing they're not enjoying, they're seeing it as a burden and they are stressed out and they are not getting enough sleep and they're trudging through the day carrying their heavy backpack and what not. That's the sign they're too busy.
What if my kids are too busy?
What you need to do is eliminate some things. Kids are way overbooked these days. Childhood ought to be a time of daydreaming and playing and doing nothing. That's really good. Do nothing, it's a wonderful thing to do as a kid. That's when you build dreams, and you build the muscles of imagination that will carry you through life. Make sure your kids have time for that. Childhood should not be this pressure-packed, pre-adulthood. It ought to be qualitatively different from adulthood. A time to play and dream and explore.
What if I'm too busy to date?
If you're too busy to date, someone needs to slap you up upside the head and say, "Get a life!" Your priorities are out of whack! So, sit down with yourself and have a conversation, and say, "Do I want a life or do I just want to be a working stiff?" There's more to life! Work is great, I love my work. But if that's all I did, I'd be half a person ... a third of a person. You want to have a full life, and dating, these days, is so easy with the internet. You can go on to one of those sites ... they're very respectable ... and there's lots of people looking for people. Find someone, get out, and discover a whole new world ... the world of romance, and enjoy it!