Your Child And Bullying
What is bullying?
Bullying is when an individual (or a group of individuals) intentionally use their power over another to get what they want, and this may involve physical, verbal, or emotional mistreatment.
What are the effects of bullying on a child?
The effects of bullying can be extremely profound. It depends on how long the bullying has been going on and at what point they've been able to actually ask for some help and share their unhappiness about the situation. In terms of what you might see in your child, you might see them becoming more withdrawn or even more acting out. Every child is different in terms of how they cope with the situation, but they in general are going to be much less happy than usual. You might see some effects in their academic progress or even their physical development. It may affect their appetite, it may affect the way they look after themselves physically, and it may affect their social behavior. There are lots of manifestations, but go on the gut level feeling you have as a parent and your own instinct that all is not right.
My child is being bullied, what can I do?
First and foremost, get the facts clear from your child. Give them the opportunity to share with you what's going on. And, very importantly, ask them how they think things should change, and what they would like to be happening instead. They might not have any ideas, but you'll get some clues from their answer, and that will actually inform you what you do next. If it's as simple as "I want this to stop," because they're receiving poor treatment from other children, and if it's in the school context, it's a very good idea to communicate with the school in a sensitive way so that it doesn't in any way highlight the child's problems. But in a constructive way, so that the school can take on some work, perhaps at the whole school or even at the class level.
How can I get my child to talk about their experience of bullying?
As always, the level of communication and the quality of communication you've got going with your child will be the foundation for difficult conversations, like that of the possibility of them being bullied. You need to make sure that you talk with them any way, on a lighter note, about all manner of things and then it is all the more natural for them to bring up the problematic. If you hound them about a difficult situation, it is possible that they will close down and not communicate anything. You've got to give them opportunities. You've got to be the facilitator for good communication. You can't manage or demand or direct that as such.
How can I convince my child that being bullied isn't their fault?
You convince them of the fact that bullying is not their fault by valuing them as an individual, first and foremost, and ensuring that their self esteem does not tolerate unfair and bad treatment. You share that with them and make that explicit. You actually tell them, not in an overwhelming and repetitive way, but you make it clear that it's not their fault. Taking it seriously is the starting point, followed, hopefully, by some constructive action.
My child is being bullied at school, should I report it to the school?
First of all, get clear with your child what's going on. And you may be able to address this through a fairly informal discussion with a key adult. If it's primary, the class teacher; if it's secondary, the phone tutor. If this actually is done and the bulling doesn't stop, it may necessitate taking it to a higher level. It might also be a situation where some active support from other members of the family are helpful. And, the more information you have to share with the school, the more they're going to be able to address the situation and hopefully produce some positive change.
My child's school isn't taking action against bullies, what should I do?
This where you actually have to employ a bit of victim strategy itself, in other words, the broken record technique. If no action is being taken, you are going to have to repeat your request, and perhaps repeat it to somebody who is in more of a position to hear it, so it is not a question of you leaving it as is and hoping for the best. You actually do need to be proactive here, and to communicate clearly and even better, and perhaps select who you commuicate to in such a way that action is more likely to happen.
I think my child is being bullied by their teacher, what should I do?
First of all, get clear with your child what's going on. You may be able to address this through a fairly informal discussion with a key adult. Probably, if it's primary, the class teacher, if it's secondary, the forum tutor. If this actually isn't acted on and the bullying doesn't stop, it may necessitate taking it to a higher level. It might also be a situation where some active support from other members of the family are helpful. The more information you have to share with the school, the more they're going to be able to address the situation and hopefully produce some positive change.
My child doesn't want me to report the bullying to the school, what should I do?
Act against Anti-bullying. Stop anti-bullying in schools by speaking out or reporting the case to the concerned personal. Bringing an act against anti-bullying in the schools is the only way of eradicating it.
Should I confront my child's bully?
This isn't generally a good idea. Obviously, if you have a personal relationship with the bully, it puts a different complexion on the matter. But say it's a child at your child's school. The best thing always is to go to school's staff and take your concerns to them for it's their job to actually manage the situation.
Should I confront the parents of my child's bully?
Confrontation of parents is not generally a good idea and it can actually result in a very difficult all out conflict situation in the school context. This again is something you should ask school staff to mediate into and manage.
My child has been accused of bullying at school, what should I do?
You need to understand exactly what this bullying is said to consist of, and you need to get your child's perspective on it. There's two possibilities: one is that it's unfounded, in which case you need to put the accuser right. But if it is founded, you need to understand, you need to research with your child what the motivation for this bullying is. There will be some kind of unmet need on your child's part that explains this behavior. If they need to actually exert their power over another individual for whatever reason, there will be a good reason for them, and it's possible to address that in other ways.
How can I stop my child from being a bully?
First of all, you have to look at what's happening at home and rule out the possibility that your child is witnessing bullying behavior, because this is very often the case for children that go out and bully. They've actually seen adults behave in this way. You need to understand better what is contributing to them feeling they have to bully, what they are getting out of it, and look at constructive alternatives. Also, emphasize that the sort of behavior that they enact with others is going to invite similar behavior on them. It's not in their best interest to continue like this.
My child is bullying their younger sibling, what should I do?
This is flagging up something that is not working in the way your child wants it to work. It might be in terms of how much time and attention they're receiving relative to their siblings. It might be flagging up some feeling of displacement to older children, which is not uncommon for them to experience. Either way, you need to find out what's driving that behavior, and what they're getting out of it, and very quickly put something in place, and communicate that this is not acceptable on any level.
