Your Childs Friends
Is there anything I can do to help my child make friends at school?
There are a lot of things a parent can do to make sure that their child socialises themselves appropriately at school. One of these is realising that some kids are introverted and they're maybe just naturally shy about making social contacts. You can make sure that your child socialises by encouraging him to participate in certain social groups like perhaps clubs at a school setting and after school activities, or even consulting with the classroom teacher. Oftentimes there are committees in the classroom, and by getting your child involved in some of those classroom committees, for example, that is a form of socialisation. He'll have positive, structured interactions with kids, which will provide him his experiences he needs in order to do that. So, I would say really if you are concerned about your child socialising and making friends at school, make sure that you talk with your child's classroom teacher. Get that teacher involved; you can come up with numerous ways on how to get your child involved in a safe way, and at the same time respect your child's feelings if, for example, he were a little introverted.
What should I do if I don't like one of my child's friends?
As a parent, it's important to use your judgment. You have the authority as a parent, but you also have the experience and the education, even if it's not formal education. You have more education than your child, so you understand more things than he does. So you have a right to dissuade your child from connecting with this other youngster. It should be done in consultation with your child. I always believe in a balanced lifestyle, and I believe it's important for your youngster to get to know troubled kids - not to be negatively influenced by them, but kids at risk, they need to understand how to deal with them. So the danger is trying to over-shelter them with some of these students. You don't want to deal that, because now you're not preparing them to enter the real world. It's important for you to balance. If you're not sure, consult with your school counselor and/or your child's classroom teacher. That is essential to provide that perspective, because you don't want to over-shelter them. That's the worst thing a good parent could do.
Is it okay for me to forbid my child from being friends with someone?
I think it is totally appropriate to, as a parent, to prohibit your youngster from being friends with a particular person; it's your right as a parent to do that, given all this information. I would just like to suggest that you not do it out of context, that you do some checking, perhaps with the parent of the friends that you are trying to keep your child away from. There's nothing wrong with calling them, that's an essenial part of good communication. Also, by having a conversation with your child's teacher, getting input from your child's teacher about separating these youngsters, if the teacher feels that that's appropriate; I think if you consult with others and you come to the realization that it's in the best interest of your child to prohibit contact with little Johnny that lives next door, then that's your right as a parent.
Should I be concerned about the gender of my child's friends?
I think in terms of considering gender for your your child's friends. You'd want - the concept is balance. You want to make sure that that your child is able to socialize with males as he is able to socialize with females. So if there tends to be gravitation towards one gender in excluding the other. Sometimes it's developmental. By sharing that concern that you have with the classroom teacher you can ensure yourself that there are opportunities for that balance. There needs to be that.
Should girls only be friends with other girls?
I think as a wise parent you need to aim for balance. You'd want to make sure that youngsters have an opportunity to interact with both genders. So, if not socially, then in a classroom setting. As long as that occurs, that's the key.
Should boys only be friends with other boys?
As a wise parent, I would answer boys need to have a balance in terms of their interaction with other boys and other girls. A lot depends on their developmental age. But often a classroom setting will provide those opportunities for friendship with boys and girls, or a social setting outside the school time, like activities after school, will provide it. Church activities will provide opportunities for friendship with boys and girls. So basically, you'd want to assure that there's a balance of friendships with boys and girls. If there's a preference for one gender, again depending, it's OK. Just make sure that there's a balance.
How should I react if my child has been in a fight?
It's essential to come in a supportive nature when your youngster fights. You as a parent you have to be very stern, and reinforce the idea that fighting isn't a solution. But again, to understand that the fight resulted from some frustration, to recognize that frustration; identify it, and then ask the question what could have been done to eliminate that, so that you didn't involve yourself in a fight. Nobody wins when there's a fight on the outside, and the youngster needs to understand that.
How should I relate to my child's friends?
When you consider relationships with your kid's friends, you want to have it so that you're comfortable understanding who your youngster's friends are. So whatever that would take: If it takes a simple greeting. If it takes inviting them into the house, and you're comfortable with that so that you get to know who your child's friends are. That's the key. The relationship that you have with them should stem from that. Some friends, depending on their age level, would want a little more distance. You, as a parent are responsible to make some judgments: Are those friends healthy for your youngster? And you need to interact with those friends, so you have to determine the appropriate relationship.
How can I tell if my child isn't doing well socially at school?
Really there is one sign, by watching a disruption in your child's normal behavior patterns, he becomes sleepy, he becomes extremely agitated, something changes.That's a sign something is not going well. If you look at your child's report card and notice grades are tumbling or deportment, in some states they call it citizenship, if those grades are falling that's another factor. Having periodic conversations with your youngster also tells you that something is going on his life which you can involve yourself in to get some resolution. Normally there is a school counselor at secondary school that can also provide guidance and assistance for you. Perhaps if its really serious you can seek private medical assistance.
How can I help my child who isn't socializing well at school cope?
When your child isn't socializing well in school, it could be a sign that, obviously, there's something that's not gelling with your youngster. So you need to help your youngster identify what that is; formulate that. You can get assistance from your youngster's guidance counsellor. There's a set of neutral eyes that can help you analyze the situation. But by providing support to your youngster, by providing him a platform to identify some issues, and then your advise in resolving those issues, sometimes it's, for socialization it's there's some peer pressure that's really impacting on their lives.They're just not sure how to handle it. There may be some bullying involved. There could be these other factors they're worried about, a standardized test that's coming up and that impacts. So basically, it starts with a heart to heart conversation with your youngster first and if you feel you need some help then make that call to your child's guidance counsellor and there'll be a helping hand there at the school site, you put your heads together, and come up with a plan.
Should I buy clothes for my child so he can dress like his peers?
As a wise parent, when you make the decision should you buy clothes that are similar to their friends, you have to be careful about the value in which you are modeling to your youngster. If the clothes are appropriate, then by all means. If the clothes are very expensive, beyond your means, or perhaps provocative in some way or inappropriate for a school setting, then I think you have to take a strong line and say, “No. This is not appropriate for school. You can wear this after school. You can wear this on the weekends, but really this isn't appropriate for school.” So really you have to look at it individually and where your child's friends are going.
